Takes

The Baltimore Ravens are officially the team that no one wants to play in the playoffs

Starting with the Ravens Bengals the Baltimore Ravens. We said it last week. They are the team officially. No one wants to play. They got their swagger back. Five straight wins, 525 yards, 404 yards rushing.

The Buffalo Bills are a wagon and will play in the AFC Championship game

The Bills are a wagon... I like the Bills. One of the Bills we're going to go to the AFC championship game. They just are. I'm not getting to the bills are gonna play in the AFC championship game.

Aaron Rodgers is the MVP and lives to kick the shit out of me and the Bears

I hate [Rodgers], but I also will at least say he's the MVP and guess what? He's fucking good. And he lives to kick the shit out of the Bears in the city of Chicago and me. That's just the fact.

Derrick Henry should be in the MVP conversation after rushing for 2,000 yards

Derrick Henry should be in the MVP conversation. It's Aaron Rogers MVP, but he should at least be considered because the last running back to when an MVP was 2012, Adrian Peterson who ran for 2000 yards.

Aaron Rodgers is going to win the MVP and he deserves it

Aaron Rodgers is the MVP... I have to just sit here and say, he is most likely going to win the MVP. It's probably deserved. The Packers look awesome.

Army football players and soldiers are the 'last of the hards'

The over 1 million men and women who serve in the United States army that we represent when we go and play in this bowl game and we play every week, they are the last of the hard... they are the people who are willing to do the hard jobs and other people don't want to do to stand in the gap between freedom and those wanting to take it from us. And it takes a hard person that's determined and has a spirit about them that's different.

Championship teams don't need to be friends, they just need to respect each other

There is no championship team that are just holding hands and skipping their way to the finals. There's going to be moments where you don't want to talk to each other... you have to respect each other. You don't have to get along. I think that's been proven time in and time out.

The Raiders will finish the 2020 season with a 7-9 or 8-8 record

I think we've willed it to happen a little early here, because they're not, they're going to finish probably seven and nine again or eight and eight.

The Buffalo Bills are in danger of being jinxed by media hype

I am slightly nervous about the hype for the bills. It feels like too many people... decided here's my hot take: the bills are really good. It's like, yeah, we've known they've been really good. As soon as everyone starts saying the bills are incredible, I feel like they're jinxing them.

The Bears have a 90% chance to make the playoffs if they win out

If the bears have a 20% chance to get to the playoffs right now, if they win this game against the Vikings, they have a 43% chance. If they win the following week against the Jags, it's now 53% chance. If they want to get to the Packers 90% chance.

My back pain is caused by a bulging disc, not a muscle issue

My back hurts. I fucked up my back. I woke up on Wednesday morning and couldn't really stand up... starting to get shooting pain down my right leg. I think it's a skeletal thing. If it's your lower back and everything you described sounds like a disc... a bulging disc like basically hits the nerve.

Giannis staying in Milwaukee is a major victory for NBA parity

I think this is actually great for the league. It's a win for the league because you have a little bit more parity. You have the small market teams like teams drafting a superstar and be able to hold on to them is important for the league.

Outside beer season is the best beer season

Outdoor beers. It's outdoor beer season. When it's snowing outside, when it's cold, you don't have to take up space in your refrigerator, you leave the beers outside. It's God's refrigerator. You crack open a beer directly from your porch and it tastes colder than it does on the fridge. It's the best season of all.

Thin sugar cookies with sprinkles are the superior Christmas cookie

I just like the sugar cookies with the, the like the straight up like the thin sugar cookies with the sprinkles on it that you can eat like a thousand of them.

Aaron Rodgers has a stranglehold on the NFL MVP race

Aaron Rodgers takes a stranglehold on the MVP... I officially want to hop in front of a bus. Rodgers MVP. Fuck.

The Rams are very much for real

The Rams, I think, are very much for real.

The Bills are going to crush the Steelers

I think the Bills are going to crush them, actually.

I will run a sub-4.8 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine

I ran a 4.79 when I was in high school. ... I think we can easy target for [sub-4.8].

Losing the SEC on CBS theme song is a tragedy for college football

On behalf of all college football fans, we are losing the SEC on CBS theme song in 2024.

Kevin Stefanski is the Coach of the Year leader

My top four... Number one, Kevin Stefanski, Cleveland Browns. Agreed. Number two, Brian Flores, Miami Dolphins. I mean, the Dolphins have been bad forever, and he's basically turned this thing around... Number three, Mike Tomlin. Number four... it's Joe Judge.

8-8 will make the playoffs in the NFC this year

8-8, 9-7 will get to the playoffs in the NFC this year. It falls off a deep end because of how bad the NFC East is collectively... I actually do think 8-8 can make the playoffs with the way the Cardinals are playing and with the way the Bears have just fallen off.

Baker Mayfield is a good quarterback you can win with, but never a top five guy

I think we all know kind of what Baker is now. He is a good quarterback that can play great at times, but he's good. I don't think Baker will ever be a top five quarterback in the league, but you can win with Baker Mayfield.

The Rockets and Wizards both lost the Russell Westbrook for John Wall trade

The John Wall-Russell Westbrook trade was hilarious because it was a trade where I think both teams lost. It's essentially the status quo.

The Eagles will win the NFC East because of their tie with the Bengals

I still think the Eagles tie against the Bengals may give them the decider when it's all said and done... a half win is better than a full loss.

Using aluminum foil on a grill is a mistake because you lose the 'fire' flavor

I like my steaks to stay juicy... but I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever. But that was my thought. But apparently it was a flawed thinking.

The best movies must tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, and blow your mind

In my opinion the best movies do three things: tickle your funny bone, tug on your heartstrings, blow your mind... any time a movie kind of leaves you laughing and crying and kind of makes you think too – I mean, I don't know how you beat that.

You cannot know if a relationship is a 'rebound' until it actually ends

I think you don't know that it's a rebound until afterwards. In the middle of a rebound, it just feels cool... so a rebound could always be just a put-back dunk until you hit the ground. So you haven't hit the ground just yet, so it's impossible to know how to score it.

The NFL should stop putting the Bears in primetime

I think I speak for America when I say the Bears playing in one of the primetime slots needs to end. Next year when the schedule comes out, you give us that fucking one Thursday game early in the season, the Jacksonville Jaguars rule, give us that Thursday game, and then be done with it. No more Bears in primetime.

The Giants job is one of the best in the NFL because of Justin Herbert

I would actually throw out there that the Chargers job is probably going to be one of the top jobs out there, simply by the fact that Justin Herbert looks for real... You have the recipe for a championship window. The quarterback on his rookie deal, who in the next couple years could be a bona fide guy.

Bruce Arians needs to start yelling at Tom Brady again

Arians was kind of treating him with kid gloves after the game. He was saying, like, he was taking responsibility and saying that those picks weren't Tom Brady's fault. And it's like, you want Bruce Arians to yell at you and call you a shithead. When he stops calling you a shithead, that's when it becomes an issue.

The Steelers will kill the Ravens on Thanksgiving

The Ravens got the cocoa. The Steelers don't. The Steelers are going to kill them. We thought the Ravens had a chance, but now it's no.

The Washington Football Team pass defense is not actually number one in the NFL

The going from one to five when you say we're number one hurts. [PFT: Out of 32.] Yeah, I know, but that's not number one. It is good, but it's not number one.

Gonzaga has the best potential to win the national title because of their multi-player talent

I think it might be [Gonzaga's year]. Gonzaga's going to be really good. I really do... They have like four guys who are the best player, and I love that because – Yeah, you get these situations that you only get with college sports where you pretend like the guy who's not that talented is actually the best player just because he dies on the floor for you.

Iowa will have the best offense and worst defense of the elite college basketball teams

Iowa is going to be the most fun team in the Big Ten... Iowa is going to try to score 100 points every single time they get on the floor. They're going to give up 93 probably every single game... They might have the best offense in the country, but of all the good teams, they might have the worst defense.

Bill Belichick always beats franchises that historically stink

I also think that Belichick is really good against teams that historically have sucked. Like, I'm always going to look at the Cardinals franchises: Oh, they'll always stink. There's no chance that they can beat Bill Belichick at home.

The Saints' defense has all the components of a Super Bowl-winning unit.

The Saints defense has all of the bones to be a Super Bowl team. They have the bones to win the Super Bowl... they are rounding into form at the perfect time.

The Washington Football Team has the #1 pass defense in the NFL.

The Washington football team has the best pass defense in the NFL... That's just a stat, Biggie... they have the number one pass defense yards per game.

The Ravens are definitely still going to make the playoffs.

They're definitely going to make the playoffs... I think the Ravens have 10 wins in them, kind of no matter how it shakes out.

I could definitely beat up Matt Nagy

I could beat up Matt Nagy for sure. I'd just be like, dude, your play calling sucks.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.

Success is the only thing that separates a visionary from a fool

The difference between being a visionary and a fool is success. If it happens, you're a visionary. You're brilliant, right? Well, if it doesn't happen, you're an asshole.

Vine was the perfect social media app

Vine, it was the most perfect app that's ever been invented. Vine was everything that TikTok and Instagram stories and fleets always wanted to be. Vine was the perfect app. Six seconds. It also, Vine was like the greatest, because TikTok, anyone can do anything... Having to be funny in six seconds or less is very hard to do.

The Chiefs, Lions, Falcons, and Chargers are the funnest teams to watch because of the inevitable chaos

I would put like the Chiefs, the Lions, the Falcons, and the Chargers as like the funnest teams to watch in the NFL, knowing that some crazy shit's going to happen. Like a 21-point lead [blowing it]. Some sort of heartbreak occur to the Lions franchise.

Kyler Murray is now must-watch TV

But Kyler Murray, who is now – like, he is officially elevated to must-watch, like – drop everything you have to watch every time he's got the ball that was insane that was an insane play.

Patrick Mahomes is the MVP of the season

The Chiefs have the defending champs and they have to me the MVP of the season now is my prediction going in and just so you know, I'm not the only one saying that... Mahomes.

The Chiefs are the only team in the NFL without a major flaw

I've come to the conclusion that it's the Chiefs and everyone else like every other team and I unfortunately I love the Steelers, but every other team has at least one flaw where you're like, I don't know. I don't really trust this and then the Chiefs don't.

British soldiers are mandated to sit down to pee in tanks

The British have to sit down when using the toilets in their tanks the piss because they can't stand up in the tank. I believe they like mandate it... I checked myself. That's a good fact check.

The Buccaneers should just throw out the tape from their blowout loss to the Saints

The Bucks have laid in all-time stinker... it is an atrocious game which we can pretty much recap right now. Is it better that the Bucks lost so bad that they can just throw this one out? You throw the tape out... Bruce Arians is not going to take this game seriously, like he is going to hit the delete button on it.

The Chiefs are by far the best team in the NFL

The Chiefs are definitely by far the best team in the NFL and then... they can literally do everything. I don't know like yes, this game was close... but winning these games. I'm never gonna be like, oh man, the chief should have blown them out.

Johnny V (Artie Bucco) was the funniest person on the set of The Sopranos

For me it was probably Johnny V who played Artie Bucco. He is he's hilarious... he would just go into an impression of somebody and just stay that guy, you know, like he would be walking around the hotel pretending to be somebody else.