Takes

The Cubs will win back-to-back World Series titles

I'm going with the Astros over the Red Sox in the AL and the Cubs over the Mets in the NL... Cubs over the Astros for the World Series.

Miguel Cabrera will win the AL MVP

I think Miguel Cabrera is going to be the AL MVP because he's in that nice spot. He's like 33, maybe getting up there in years, little steroids, getting a little second life.

Losing in college hurts more than the pros because you aren't millionaires yet

In professional sports, if you lose, there's no real losers in the NFL, MLB or NBA hockey... you're all millionaires... it's like, well, I'll go home in my Maserati and call it a night. And college, it's different.

Gonzaga will beat North Carolina 75-71 in the National Championship

I'm going to go... Gonzaga, 75. North Carolina, 71.

Derrick Rose will be playing in China with Stephon Marbury in a couple years

Except here's one silver lining I'll throw out there. Stephon Marbury versus Derrick Rose in China in a couple years. That'll be good.

JJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance

I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.

North Carolina will win their Final Four game by 20 and the championship by 10

I think [North Carolina] are going to win this game by 20. And then I don't care who they play in the finals. They're going to win by at least 10.

The Washington Wizards abandoned the Bullets trademark so it's now open for public use

Am I allowed to sell Washington Bullets merchandise since they were snowflakes and they abandoned the trademark back in the year 2000?... I i i would say uh give it a shot there's another pun okay

Big companies use 'company policy' as a fake government-level authority to deny rights

But these big companies, they tell you, you know, I wanted to return something. And they say, you can't. And I said, who says? They said, that's our company policy... they make it sound like the government has set this up and this is the way it's going to be forever and a day and you have no right to even challenge that policy. I can't stand that.

Every single movie in the Rocky franchise is good, including Rocky V

I'm actually one of the few that likes every single movie out of the whole franchise... [I like Rocky V] I do.

London is the next city to get an NFL franchise.

I guess this puts London as next city up, right? Yeah, because the NFL got rid of its two scary boogeymen out there, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, for when owners wanted to wring a little bit more tax money out of their locale. So now it's like, hey, if you don't pony up, guess what? Jags are moving to London.

The Rockets could theoretically win the West, but the Thunder have zero chance.

I think Harden wants to win this, but the Rockets actually are a decent team. Things have to break well, but in a world, there's a theoretical world where they could win the West. The Thunder, no chance. Zero chance.

I would hit three home runs per game in a 16-inch beer softball league.

How many home runs do you think you would hit if you played in my 16-inch beer softball league? ...probably like three, so three a game. ...And the fourth would just be like a double?

The Giants would have beaten the Patriots if they had made it to the Super Bowl.

I think [Bob Kraft] is actually right because Eli Manning is the exact opposite in Super Bowls as Matt Ryan. He sucks for three quarters and then he's really, really good weirdly in the fourth.

Bill Self does not get the most out of his talent at Kansas

[Bill Self's] teams are always really, really good, but they should be better. He doesn't get the most out of his talent. That's the side I'm on.

If North Carolina plays well, they will win the National Championship

I just think Carolina's got too many weapons. If Carolina plays well, they win. For them to lose, they're going to have to play less than well, less than their best.

LeBron James only wears protective gear to look tough or have an excuse for losing

He literally just wears these things so that then he can say these things were screwing with me... or he can look tough in front of the cameras and everybody's like, oh, look at him. He's not even taking his own health into consideration.

Bill Self and John Calipari having sons on their teams will result in a great Final Four storyline

So I guess we're tracking towards Bill Self's son, John Calipari's son, Final Four... That'll be wonderful. Good storyline.

Oregon is a 'Team of Destiny' because of the Chris Boucher injury

Don't sleep on Oregon because remember, Oregon takes on Michigan's Team of Destiny and Oregon had the big injury to [Chris] Boucher right before this tournament started... when you lose someone, that's a big Team of Destiny situation.

Jeff Fisher will get a position with the NFL league office within six months

If you think that Jeff Fisher doesn't get a position with league office in the next six months, then you don't know your football. He's a lifer. He's going to die inside the NFL's office.

South Carolina will upset Baylor in the Sweet 16

I think South Carolina is real. I think they're not a fluke. I think they're on a mission... I think that I would call for an upset here. I think South Carolina is the bet here.

UCLA will defeat Kentucky in the Sweet 16

I see UCLA somehow, someway, getting over the hump here and eliminating Kentucky. I would like UCLA.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I would like to see you win the Cup. I have them [Capitals] winning the Cup this year.

Getting a Triple B brand tattoo right now is a great way to go viral

Right now, we all have the opportunity to be the first person to get the Triple B tattoo. Because no one's got that tattoo yet. So if you want to get a couple headlines, you want to see your face on Bleacher Report, now's the time.

Mark Sanchez will be the 'alpha' in the Bears locker room over Mike Glennon

Sanchez is going to be the alpha in that locker room. So that's the situation... You never want to bring in a backup. That's the alpha.

Jake Arrieta's 466-foot home run was only possible because of the dry Arizona air

I don't know if you guys know how air works, but it's hot. A little dry heat. The ball carries... The ball carries in Arizona. So yeah. This is just a stupid little witch hunt that's been going on for a long time now.

Mark Cuban has become everything he used to hate

Something's been going on with the Cuban recently because he used to be woke. He was the wokest of the old owners. Now he's become everything that he used to hate. He's getting duped left and right.

Robert Griffin III being a 'goober' on Instagram makes Russell Wilson look better

This is actually great for Russell Wilson because anytime RG3 opens his mouth, people remember, oh, Russ Wilson isn't the biggest goober quarterback out there.

NBA players are right to sit out games if we judge them solely on championship rings

I actually want to point the finger back at the fans and media for this one. Because if there's one thing that all the fans and media do is they count rings... If these guys are sitting out because they're trying to win rings, I mean, they're literally trying to put themselves in the best position to win the thing that we judge their entire worth on.

The NBA has a credentialed media problem

This puts the credentialed media squarely in the crosshairs of the NFL. In fact, I would go as far to say that the NFL has a credentialed media problem... Epidemic of their credentialed media people violating the law.

Ryan Tannehill will put it all together this year

But this is the year he's [Ryan Tannehill] going to put it all together. We got you around. But as long as number 12 is in that division, it's going to be really hard.

The ACC is soft

The ACC is dead... The ACC is soft. Sucks, and they're soft.

Duke's loss proves you need to play like a team, not just have talent

This actually is a point for people against all the Sabermetrics nerds who say you just need the talent. If you watch Duke all year, they never really played like a team... they had obviously the highest ceiling because they had the most talent, but you've got to play like a team.

I believe everything LeVar Ball says; Lonzo Ball is awesome

I now am believing everything that LeVar Ball says because Lonzo Ball was unbelievable against Cincinnati... He is awesome. And so billion-dollar contract, shoe contract, yep, sign him up.

Wisconsin will lose in heartbreaking fashion on a buzzer-beater

Wisconsin is going to lose in heartbreaking fashion. That's going to be fun... South Carolina will probably win on a buzzer beater right in my face. I'll have front row seats.

Gonzaga wins the Northwestern game regardless of the bad goaltending call

I think Gonzaga wins that game no matter what... [The call] changed the game. Did it change the outcome? Probably not. I mean, they were still going to be down three, but it changed the game.

Tom Crean shouldn't have been fired by Indiana

I feel bad for Tom. I like him. I like his family... But, you know, you put yourself in a position, man, they're going to fire you, so he'll be fine, but I didn't think he should have been fired.

Gonzaga is a team of destiny because they absorbed Northwestern's power

I do believe in teams of destiny absorbing the teams they beat and their destiny... So they took out Northwestern, which was a true team of destiny, and they absorbed all that destiny. They're double the destiny.

Vanderbilt's late-game foul against Northwestern was the dumbest move since Chris Webber's timeout

Northwestern advances on the dumbest foul since Chris Webber. Yeah, that's pretty bad. Dumbest move since Chris Webber called the timeout in the national championship game. Boneheaded, just complete brain fart. What happened, I'm sure you all saw, but Vanderbilt was up one and Matthew Fisher Davis decided to foul with 10 seconds left. 45 feet past half court from Northwestern's basket and they end up losing by one. Unbelievable move.

LeVar Ball's plan is just to get a billion dollar contract for himself using his kids

He's reached the point where everything that he says is picked up by every media source possible. So he knows that no matter what comes out of his mouth it's going to be distributed nationwide and that's kind of his plan right? He wants to develop the brand he wants to have a high profile so his kids can get a billion or sorry so that he can get a billion dollar contract. And then his kids will get a little taste of that.

Tommy Lasorda is mentally sharp but his physical stature is overrated

Tommy's fine. He's upright. He's around. He's mentally very spry. Physically, he's not at the top of his game, but mentally he is... Overrated. He's sharp. You know when you get older and they have that row of 20 lines that they can go to in any situation, you can't beat them at anything? He's at that stage.

Jim Harbaugh's enthusiasm for his own colonoscopy makes him a 'basic bitch'

Jim Harbaugh, who yesterday tweeted, 'attacking this day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind before my 1:30 p.m. colonoscopy.' I also like it because he's kind of a basic bitch. He has like a black and white picture of him smiling in the middle of a street in Ann Arbor. Like, 'hey, I'm about to go get my butthole fingered.'

SMU is very good and could go to the Sweet 16, Elite Eight, or even the Final Four

I got two picks for tomorrow for you. URI, Round of Pick'em, and SMU. I love SMU. I've loved SMU all year. I think they're a very good team. I think they could go to the Elite Eight or maybe Sweet 16, or Final Four.

I have Wisconsin in the Final Four

I also want to mention that I have Wisconsin in the Final Four. Like I said, unbiased journalism. Here is where it is at.

Jim Harbaugh's parents rooted for John in the Super Bowl because Jim would be unbearable with a ring

I bet you his parents were rooting for John to win that Super Bowl. Because Jim Harbaugh with a Super Bowl ring over John would be unbearable at any family gathering from that point on. He would wear it every Thanksgiving.

Nick and Vanessa from The Bachelor are going to last

This is 2016 and this is how the millennials find love. I think they're going to last. I would like to see the Fantasy Suite get its own spinoff reality show.

Baylor is the biggest fraud team in the tournament

SMU... I pick them for two reasons. One, I just like them... And two, I think Baylor's the biggest fraud team in the tournament.

Duke isn't a good team, they just have good players

Duke is back to being back. But we're conveniently ignoring that Duke was down 15 in all these ACC tournament games... Duke is not a good team. They have good players, but they're not actually a good team. And SMU is a good team. So it wouldn't surprise me to see SMU win.

Gonzaga is the best team in the country

I actually like Gonzaga. I think Gonzaga's the best team in the country, and I know that's absolutely insane to say. I don't expect them to win at all, but I do think they're the best team and the most complete team.

Oklahoma State will beat Michigan

I like how the plane crash... negates like everything else we know about Michigan. This has become the story... Michigan beat some shitty Big Ten teams to win the tournament... and now we're going to pretend like they're actually a good team. I think Oklahoma State's going to win that game.