Takes

Federico Chiesa is going to be one of the best players in the entire world

Chiesa is going to be one of the best players in the entire world. I'm just putting an eyeball stamp on it. I said that last week. Then he had that awesome goal. Chiesa, Chiesa, Chiesa.

'Read the room' people on Twitter are the worst.

The 'read the room' people are the worst people in the world because I still can't for the life of me understand how being affected by something and then spending that time immediately after replying to other people to 'read the room' is you showing your lack of room-reading abilities.

Lionel Messi will eventually play in Major League Soccer

Why doesn't Messi go to MLS? ... He's like 33. Oh, you're right about that time. He would fucking wreck the MLS. They should just give Messi an MLS team. ... I hope he does eventually come to the MLS. I'm sure that he will in like seven years once he's totally washed up.

Rose Lavelle will be the next USWNT superstar for the next eight years

Here's my hot take about Rose [Lavelle]. She's going to be the next superstar for the women's national team for the next, like, eight years... I'm saying that she's the next Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe.

The USWNT vs France matchup is essentially the World Cup Final

But this is, I'm going to call it, this is the World Cup on Friday [France versus U.S.]. Whoever wins this match [wins it all].

The Raptors should trade Drake to break the Drake Curse

The Raptors should trade Drake. He's a big mad. I think he's upset.

The United States is on its longest World Cup unbeaten streak since the Reagan administration

This is the longest World Cup unbeaten streak that we're on right now since the Reagan administration. It's been over four years since the United States has lost a World Cup game.

The US Men's National Team should barely qualify for the World Cup so they have to play an extra elimination game against New Zealand

I hope that they barely qualify and that they have to play an extra elimination game. I am really looking forward to that extra elimination game. [I] just want to see them play New Zealand so I can do an accent.

The Sounders and Timbers only play each other in MLS

I feel like the Sounders and Timbers only play each other. I'm convinced that MLS was like, hey, you guys in the Pacific Northwest, you tend to enjoy your scarves and your soccer. Just play each other all the time. We'll pretend like it's an MLS game, but it's not real.

There is no such thing as an expatriate; if an American works overseas, they are still ours and must pay taxes.

I guess the technical term, [Christian Pulisic] works overseas, so he's an expatriate. But as we discussed earlier with Chris Long, there are no such things as expatriates. So we'll claim him. Someone make sure that he's paying taxes.

You can't fart during a soccer game because it's a 'beautiful' and 'classy' game

I don't want, I mean, that's, you can't fart during a soccer game. Everyone knows that. ... It's a beautiful game. ... We, you don't do that shit. It's a classy game.

The summer of 2016 is when soccer officially catches on in the US, especially if they can get a 'big tie' against Brazil

This is the summer it catches on. You watch. Some people have called it the summer of soccer. I think so. If they could get a big tie against like a Brazil or something, that's the launching point for soccer being the biggest sport in America.