Takes

Albert Pujols shouldn't be in the All-Star game because he 'fucking sucks'

People getting mad about Albert Pujols being in the home run Derby, which is a crock of shit. But I'm also at the point in my life where I, cause he fucking sucks. He can't even walk. He shouldn't be in the all-stars. He made the all star game... and Albert Pujols is taking a spot away from someone who could [hit home runs].

MLB might rig the Home Run Derby for Albert Pujols by giving him 'good balls'

I do think there's a pretty good chance that they might rig it for Albert Pujols. He might get the good balls.

Dan Snyder will finally be convicted of perjury this year

This is the year sir resign, sir. I'd like to see old Dan Snyder wiggle his way out of this one... I will find a way that he is committing perjury. I will find it. I will, I will get Dan Snyder convicted on perjury somehow some way.

N'Keal Harry will be a stud and a weapon for Justin Fields

My cool throne is the bears are back because we got N'Keal Harry who he's awesome... another weapon for Justin Fields. N'Keal Harry, he's going to be a stud he's first round draft pick.

Novak Djokovic will finish his career with 30 major championships

[Djokovic] is gonna end up with 30.

The rumors about Zach Wilson's personal life confirm he has 'that dog in him'

I think confirmed got that dog in him. He is a dog... If it's the truth, two consenting adults, what's the problem? I think this actually will get Zach Wilson more respect in the locker room.

LeBron James and Steph Curry would beat Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson in a 2v2 because of the three-point shot

I think Steph Curry, he doesn't let LeBron touch the ball except to rebound. And then Steph, if he hits 40% of his threes, two is 50%... 100% more than one. I think mathematically they would dominate that game.

People who wear SPF 50 sunscreen should just stay inside

I judge you if your SPF is 35 or plus... I want to put it on 50. I'm just immediately like, dude, just go inside. There's no reason to be outside. If you really can't handle this, just say you're not that guy pal. That's what I say to anyone who puts on 50.

Texas is 'back' as soon as they get one big win in September

My threshold is one big win in September. They're back... If they cover against Alabama, they might be back. Yes, that might be what makes them back right there.

This D&D episode is the greatest podcasting ever done

It is maybe the greatest podcasting ever done. And I'm just going to say it, podcasting ever done. I think I'd say that if Game of Thrones creators had had a last season that was half as good as this, then everyone would have critical acclaim of it.

An evil God is completely satisfied with the party's horrific actions

[Big Cat]: Greg, I'm not the one to tell you that your God is angry with you... what are the thoughts going through Greg's head? [Nick Turani]: My God has never been more proud of me.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time

Joey Chestnut is the greatest American that has ever lived. One of the greatest athletes of all time. And I think we can confidently say that he is the greatest eater, the greatest human eater of all time... He is the greatest athlete of all time, in my opinion.

Notre Dame will join the Big 10 within the next five years

I just think that this is like, if I had to bet right now in the next five years, I think Notre Dame will be in the Big 10. If the conferences get into some sort of a playoff format that would make it like a necessity to be in the Big 10, then yes, they'll do it.

In 10 years, major college athletic programs will be separate entities from the schools

Probably like 10 years from now where schools are now, like the athletic programs, the big time college football and college basketball will just be separate from the school. They'll just have the name of that school... they won't have to follow fall under the jurisdiction of the NCAA and they'll just license the name out.

Oregon belongs in the SEC based on vibes alone

I honestly think that on vibes alone, Oregon should be in the sec. I feel like that's, that's where they belong as a, as a school. If I'm just like going strictly off five.

Hook is a top 50 movie of all time

I seriously think that. I think that movie ['Hook'] is a top 50 movie all time. That movie fucking rocks... I did a list. I think it comes in around the forties, but it's a top 50 movie of all time.

Deshaun Watson will be suspended for an indefinite year

We're first reporting on Pardon My Take that Deshaun Watson will be suspended for an indefinite year. Yep. On Friday. Yeah. So we just know Roger Goodell that much, that that's what could happen... My guess is it will be a suspension for a year. And then the appeal is going to come through... And then Goodell is going to be like, okay, I'll reduce it to 14 games or 12 games.

The 'Drive to Survive' series fakes rivalries and misrepresents F1 driver personalities

I think there were a few things yeah where I was not really happy with. And especially, you know, faking rivalries between drivers. That to me is a tough one because of course it did wonders in America. But also I think sometimes they portray a few drivers differently to how they actually are. And then of course the people who are new to F1 think, oh, this guy is a bit of a Dick or whatever. Which in real life is not.

American arrogance is just a statement of fact because we are the best

Just arrogance is American. Well, we're the best. Is it arrogance? If you just know that you're the best or is it a statement of fact? Yeah. It's actually being humble because we don't say how good we are all the time when we could. Yeah. Winning. Winning is American.

A bitter rival winning a championship the year after you erases your own title

I think that if you're bitter rival wins a championship the year after you do it, almost erases your [shine]. Clearly because you don't get, you have zero time to gloat over it. None. No. It's like it's never happened.

Your sex drive takes a significant hit after 30

I think this is the obvious one sex drive. After the age of the guy. You don't want to hump. I'm not. I feel like just wearing like new balances... I just, I dunno, I just like, I'd rather just fucking not do it.

All Duke players from the 2022 draft will be busts

All the Duke guys are going to be a bust. They can't win when it matters most because they lose when all the pressures on them... they did lose in the Final Four. They did send out their Hall of Fame coach out with a loss.

I am a huge LIV Golf fan because the golfers are good and it's free on YouTube

I've been watching the LIV Tour since it started. I will continue to watch it. I'm a huge LIV fan. I'm just like put sports in front of me if they're entertaining and good golfers, I'll probably tune in, especially if it's free on YouTube.

Pirates shortstop O'Neil Cruz is the most electric player in baseball

This guy might be the most electric player I've ever seen in my life. 6'7" he's a shortstop. He ran 31.5 miles per hour. Hardest throw by an infielder in Major League Baseball this year, he threw a ball from shortstop to first 96.7 miles per hour. I am buying all my stock and O'Neil Cruz right now.

The Phoenix Suns will win the 2023 NBA title in six games

I know the truth. I've been able to—the Chris Paul thing. I'm good to go. I can't wait. Suns in six next season.

The US Open should only be won by Americans

Not to be xenophobic, but the US Open should be won by an American. So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zalatoris is the champion.

Dan Dakich's take that the Pacers were wrong to pick Reggie Miller over Steve Alford is stupid

He tweeted interesting Pacers are praised for picking Reggie Miller over Steve Alford in 1987. Yet Pacers have not won a single thing... what we do know is nothing was won with Miller. That's. I mean, that's a, that's a hell of a take... it's a stupid take and we'd debate it.

Billy Football has taken his position for granted and needed a suspension

I think Billy is very entertaining... The problem that I see going forward right now is that Billy has taken advantage of this show... and it reached a tipping point... because he didn't come to work. He was drunk and he didn't come to work... he is a weird combination of him kind of being entitled and kind of taking for granted the spot he's sitting in.

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time

Steph Curry is now in the conversation for best basketball player of all time, all time, but he still hasn't had the, the MVP trophy handed to him by the commissioner yet because we had the backup commissioner that filled in for silver and did that tonight.

The NBA Finals moment was too big for Jayson Tatum

Tatum might've just shown his true colors. Like that's, that's who he is under the bright lights. I don't know. But that's a good spin zone Hank.

The current Celtics are destined to be like the 2012 Thunder and never return to the Finals

I feel like the only real good comparison to the Celtics team is the fucking Thunder and they never got back.

The Lightning are the worst back-to-back champions of all time

The idea that the, the lightning might be the worst back-to-back champions of all time. If you look at the bubble when put an asterix on that, and then you look at them playing like maybe one of the worst Stanley cup champion or say like a finals teams in recent memory, like last 30 years and the Canadians, and now they finally run into a wagon in the Stanley cup finals.

MLB has been secretly switching to more 'lively' baseballs during specific games

I think they've like secretly been like switching in some good balls. Cause certain games, like on certain times, I don't want to say anything specific, but Or a lot of hard hit balls and they're going out of the park... off your bat... sometimes like there's balls that we hit and we're like, oh, that's gone. And then next thing you know, it's caught.

Any NBA team from the 1990s would die trying to defend the Golden State Warriors' movement and pick-and-rolls

Any team from the nineties that had to deal with the fucking pick and rolls and like the movement that the warriors do, like they would die. They would die. It's insane. The amount of they would be killed on the court... like NBA players didn't run. They didn't do a cardio in the nineties.

Draymond Green is absolutely useless

My butthole is clenched. It was a very impressive performance from Steph Curry. He did everything for them. Clay Thompson, Draymond... I mean Clay played well, Draymond's absolutely useless.

Draymond Green is the new Ben Simmons

[Draymond Green] is Ben Simmons... Steve Kerr deserves a ton of credit... for having the balls to pull Draymond out of the fourth quarter. Draymond Green does not want to shoot. He is Ben Simmons at this point where it's like, he could have a completely open look going towards the basket and he will pass it up.

Steph Curry deserves the Finals MVP even if the Warriors lose

Our man Perk [Kendrick Perkins], carry the hell on, he said no matter what, win or lose, Steph Curry deserves this MVP. I'd be willing to trade in Billy not being vegan just for the ensuing takes that would come with Steph Curry winning the MVP and losing.

If Steph Curry wins MVP and loses the Finals, I will go on a carnivore-only diet

If Steph Curry wins, I'm going carnivore diet only... only meat, only.

LIV Golf is the tour for people who are in debt or recently divorced

Somebody pointed out... they said that it was the tour for people who were either heavily in debt or recently divorced. And that's exactly right. Like if you need to make alimony payments, you're going to the fucking LIV. You're going to take the money and run.

Tennessee Baseball are clowns for missing the College World Series

I don't think... it's a fine line between being a bad boy and being a clown. I think if you don't actually make it [to Omaha], then you're a clown. Yeah.

Bill Belichick would win a PLL title within three seasons if he coached

I feel like [Bill Belichick] would win in the first three seasons of coaching [in the PLL], if not sooner. I mean, I don't think he really coaches football. He just coaches human beings... I think he understands the nuance of sports and blueprint of winning better than anyone... you listen to Bill Belichick coach you on lacrosse and you're bought in.

Late-night TV news commercials for products like CarShield are frauds

When I see them up there, those products are fraud... I mean, they wouldn't be advertising there if they weren't a fraud. I have an occasional check with the FTC site and the Better Business Bureau to see various of these companies have all sorts of consumer complaints against them. And what a shock!

Dell Curry bringing Steven Johnson's ex-wife to the game was a purely spite-driven move

But then on Friday at the Celtics game, Dell was there with Steven Johnson's ex-wife. And he's dating her. He brought her to the game. So clearly he was... that was just purely out of spite by Dell. Like just straight up, just an absolute spite move.

The Celtics are simply the better team and the Warriors cannot beat them

I have now like game three, show me that the best, the best version of the Celtics, the warriors can not be. I'm being honest. That's just my honest take on it.

The NFL salary cap is not actually enforced

My theory is that the NFL just said, okay, we're going to make a salary cap... but they don't actually have a guy that's tracking it and enforcing actual penalties against them... smart teams, like the Rams and saints. They're just like, okay, we see through this game.

Steph Curry should win Finals MVP even if the Warriors lose the series

I'm hoping that we get a Celtic series win and Steph Curry gets his first finals MVP out of that. That would be the ultimate threading the needle.

If the Celtics win the series 10 times, they win it 8 times

I think the Celtic surge is the only thing that can stop the self is this point of the Celtics, but they have to beat themselves... I would say if you play this series 10 times, the Celtics win it eight times.

Will Levis is a future number one overall pick

Starting quarterback for the Kentucky Wildcats, Will Levis. Awesome interview with him. Number one pick, future number one pick.

Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play in 2022 until the civil suits are resolved

I'm about ready to say, like I've seen enough and that I feel like Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play this year until, until they figure out what's going to happen with the civil suits, because this is now 24 women. And with like strikingly similar details about what's happening.

Kentucky's goal and expectation is an SEC Championship in 2022

That's, that's the goal. That's, that's what our hearts are set on. And that's what the what's been established from day one of the off season. I'm definitely going to be stepping in and making sure that I'm the guy for the team.