Takes

Tom Izzo is on the hot seat if Michigan State doesn't reach the Sweet 16

Final Four or bust, is Tom Izzo on the hot seat? You've got to say, if he gets bounced before the Sweet 16, he's on that hot seat.

Russell Wilson 'invented' the concept of letting time pass to cure a concussion

Russell Wilson invented just how to make time pass. He was just like, here's how you get rid of your concussion. Ready?... Drink five cups of water a day. And in six days, you're going to feel better... and in six days, I will have cured you. So water cures sunburns and concussions.

Josh Allen will break the NFL by throwing a ball 90 yards at his pro day

Somebody on the NFL Network just said that Josh Allen is going to throw the ball 90 yards at his pro day... You know what? Is he going to break the NFL? Yeah, don't even let receivers run routes for him. Just have him stand back and just throw the ball as hard as he can like 10 or 20 times in a row.

Josh Allen might go number one overall because of our draftjoshallen.com campaign

I said it on Wednesday's show, but I think with what we're doing for Josh Allen, he might sneak in and get all the way up to number one. He might. Just from us.

Meryl Streep is the Derek Jeter of acting — she gets nominated just on name recognition alone

Is Meryl Streep the new Derek Jeter? Is Meryl Streep just getting voted into the All-Star game out of name alone?... Her range isn't what it used to be. When you lose your range, it goes quickly. And you know what? She won't change positions either.

Winston Churchill beating Hitler is essentially 'stolen valor' for an actor playing him

[Gary Oldman is Winston Churchill in Darkest Hour]... yeah, he beat Hitler. Yeah. You know what? Isn't that stolen valor, though? If you dress up like the guy that beat Hitler, you're taking credit for that.

Josh Allen will be the number one overall pick in the 2018 NFL Draft

I think [Josh Allen] might go number one because of us. ... Four and a half million people are debating whether or not to take Josh Allen first.

Kyle Schwarber is going to be a Hall of Famer

That's me with Kyle Schwarber. He's going to be a Hall of Famer. I've said it before. And this is the first step.

The NFL should allow all players to smoke marijuana

I enjoy marijuana a lot... I think it's made my life exponentially better... the NFL should let all their players smoke... because there's such a high percentage... there is actual medical relief for it. I think the NFL will get over it.

The term 'amateurism' is a made-up concept used by the NCAA to exploit athletes

Every single year, we would have the NCAA meeting... they would always use this word amateurism, the word that they created, and then they'd lock it down on it. Like... Well, you can't affect your amateurism status. Like, motherfucker, you made up that word.

Justin Thomas is a 'pussy' for having a heckler kicked out

Your day's done. Had him kicked out. Had him kicked out. What a fucking dick. Which just means that hecklers are inside Justin Thomas' head, even though he won... What a little pussy that guy is.

Any college coach who knowingly commits a major violation should be banned for life

Knowingly commit a major violation, you are banned from coaching college basketball. You can go coach NAIA. You can go coach the pros. You can coach high school. But you can't coach college basketball.

Top football and basketball conferences should break away from the NCAA

I think the biggest thing that could change the NCAA as a whole is if the top 100 basketball and top 100 football conferences or teams – just completely break off from the NCAA and form their own thing. I think that's the best thing they could do because then they can play by their own rules in a sense.

Rick Pitino didn't have a chance to defend himself against the NCAA

I'm standing up for Rick in that point. He didn't have a chance to defend himself... I think we are now officially a free Rick Pitino podcast because I was moved. I was moved.

Virginia will not win the championship because their style of basketball is too terrible

I can tell you the team that's not going to win. I guarantee you Virginia won't win because God does not allow that terrible form of basketball to win a championship. It's like poking your eyes out with scissors to watch them play.

US Women's Hockey beating Canada is more meaningful because hockey is all they have

It just feels good to beat Canada because you know in hockey, that's all they have. It bothers them a lot. And Canadians can't get bothered... We know you're bothered. We know you're triggered right now.

MLB should allow managers to bat anyone on the roster out of order in the 9th inning

The rule is that in the bottom of the ninth, your manager is allowed to bat anyone, anyone on your roster, out of order, doesn't matter, makes the game more exciting... I actually like this rule. It's insane. The closer position would basically be obsolete, but it's a cool rule.

Ice dancing is just figure skating for betas

Ice dancing is just figure skating for betas. It's figure skating for people that weren't good enough to do the jumps.

Assuming that 50% of MLB players are taking Adderall

I have spoken to people in baseball, and the assumption is right around 50%. Now, I don't know what the rules are as far as if you just get a doctor to prescribe it, it's fine by MLB... obviously, if you're taking it and you have not done the proper steps to tell the league that you are taking it, you can get in trouble.

Josh Allen will be the number one pick in the 2018 NFL Draft

So Josh Allen, the tallest quarterback that's ever played football, also going to be the number one pick in this year's draft.

Tim Tebow will play in the Major Leagues

Tim Tebow is back big time... their GM said that he thinks that Tim Tebow will play at the major league level. This is ridiculous. And you know what? Why not? If you're the Mets, I actually think it's borderline negligence that they haven't had Tim Tebow play in a major league game yet.

Josh Allen is going to suck in the NFL

I love this Josh Allen buzz. He is going to suck, and it's going to be great.

I will win the 2018 Daytona 500

Yes, I would [guarantee a victory this Sunday]. Starting on the front row, we're starting second with our FedEx Camry... I think that we got just a good, if not better, shot because obviously our car is faster.

The WatchESPN app allows the network to spy on you inside your house

Alex Jones thinks that Bill Walton was being 100% serious... It would also be great if Bill Walton accidentally exposed this, and ESPN was trying not to let this out, and he was just off on one of his weird trips, and he unwittingly uncovered the most giant conspiracy in the history of cable television.

The first game of the World Cup is the only one everyone genuinely gets up for

That's the one soccer game that everybody gets up for is the first one. And then after that, the novelty kind of dies off. I would say that the championship game is a little bit more fatigue. So, like, everyone's had a month of soccer already. If they're not one of your two teams in the finals, you're like, eh, I can take it or leave it.

DeMarcus Cousins will never be the same elite player after his Achilles injury

That Achilles, if you are over 25 years old... the history is bad. Like that you will ever be even close to the player that you are. It's almost, I don't want to be too gloom and doom, but it's pretty gloomy and doomy. Like, you will not be the player you used to be, especially if you're a big guy.

NBA tampering rules are stupid and assume players are too dumb to understand cap space

Tampering, it is stupid that the NBA even has tampering. Everybody tampers in the league. Tampering in general assumes that NBA players are too stupid to understand cap space or that like, oh, if Magic Johnson doesn't tell you, then there's no way that Paul George would possibly know there's clearing cap room for him.

Markelle Fultz should get drunk to fix his broken shooting hitch

My advice [for Markelle Fultz] would just be get drunk and start practicing. Because some people are better at beer pong when they're drunk. Some people are better at darts when they've had a couple beers in them. Just have a couple of Yeunglings before practice and just see where that goes.

Cam Newton is a pile of trash

I watched Super Bowl 50. It was being replayed. [Cam Newton] stinks. That's my hot take.

Winter Olympics athletes aren't that impressive; you just have to be born in the right place

The Winter Olympics are definitely the Olympics where you can sit there and if you watch it long enough, you can convince yourself you could have been an athlete in every single sport. It's not hard. It's just essentially like if you were born in a weird European country and they didn't have basketball yet, you would be a speed skater.

I will start at least one more game in the NFL

In my personal opinion, of course, I'm a little biased, but I would say [I'll have over one more NFL game start]. I know it's not the easiest way back for me... but just where I'm at and where I feel my mindset is, that's my goal at the end of the day is to get back there and be able to run out on the field as a starter again.

The NCAA is the biggest racket in the world

I think the NCAA is the biggest racket, like, in the entire world, right? There's nothing as, like, as viewed, as watched as, like, college sports are... for me to be a nice guy and go out and sign a lot of autographs and they get turned around and sold, what did I really do wrong?

I am officially smashing the panic button on the Celtics

I'm smashing the panic button. Smash. Panic button might be broken. I hit it so hard. I really thought... [the Celtics] could beat the Cavs. Maybe if they got lucky, beat the Warriors. [But after today] there's really no hope for, like, another two years.

The Cavaliers' trade deadline moves make LeBron James more likely to leave Cleveland in free agency

The way that [LeBron James] structured these trades actually made it seem like he's, in my opinion, more likely to go. I don't think that he's going to stick around Cleveland. I think that's pretty obvious.

Winning one Super Bowl while having fun is better than winning five and being miserable

I would much rather have fun and win a Super Bowl than be miserable and win five Super Bowls.

Bill Belichick letting Matt Patricia leave but keeping Josh McDaniels proves he thinks Patricia is a dummy

The other fallout is [Bill] Belichick must think Matt Patricia's a dummy because he's like, 'No, you go ahead. You're not going to be the coach of the New England Patriots when I leave. So you go ahead and don't even look back.'

Mike Tice retiring because players 'don't want to be coached' just means he sucks at coaching

Mike Tice is going to retire, and he says it's because players no longer want to be coached... When you say that you're quitting your coaching job because players don't want to be coached, you're just saying, 'I suck at coaching.'

The Detroit Pistons might be a top three team in the Eastern Conference with Blake Griffin

They might have [become top three], because they don't have a ton of depth, but Blake Griffin is really good... between him and Andre Drummond actually carrying this season and a little bit of good coaching from Stan Van Gundy, Boston's up there... Detroit can get in there.

The Milwaukee Bucks will win the Eastern Conference if they stay healthy

The Bucks, I'm going to go not fraud. Not fraud in the East because they got rid of Jason Kidd who was terrible... and Giannis is an alien. So if they get healthy, I actually think they go through the East and win. I think it's a lot like the 2007 Cavs where the East was very vulnerable and a young LeBron came through.

It is acceptable for Eagles fans to eat horse poop to celebrate their first Super Bowl

I actually stand with the guy who ate the poop. Because I think that's okay. When your team wins a Super Bowl and they've never won a Super Bowl and it's like the immediate euphoria, you are allowed to lose your mind. So I do not call that trash for Philly.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl 52 by 10 or more points

I think this game is going to be in hand from beginning to end. Patriots are going to win by 10+. Bird in the hand. That's the old saying. 31-20.

The NFL should change the rule regarding hitting defenseless receivers below the knee

I think we need to change the rule on hitting defenseless receivers below the knee. You should be able to do it. I think you should be able to just crush them.

Tom Brady kissing his son on the mouth was way too much

Tom Brady kisses his son on the mouth. And when, like, I mean kiss on the mouth, it's like pretty, pretty, pretty kiss. ... This was too much.

To beat the Patriots, the quarterback needs to look like a mouth-breathing moron

To beat the Patriots, you have to look like a mouth-breathing moron. Eli Manning, he has put the book out on how to beat the Patriots. Nick Foles had that going when he had the weird glasses. Then he cleaned up, and you're like, this guy actually looks not bad.

The Rockets will take down the Warriors if they get hot at the right time

James Harden dropped a 60-point triple-double... So I am officially saying, as of this date, January 31st, I'm a believer that the Rockets, if they get hot for a couple games... they're going to take down the Warriors.

There is legitimate truth to the reported friction between Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft, and Tom Brady

Oh, there's definitely something true there. Just a little something there. Absolutely. There's something there. And I think there's always been something there from day one. I think it starts from all of them... when you have egos... it makes you dominate. It makes you want more.

The Patriots will beat the Eagles by 14 to 17 points in the Super Bowl

I got them by 14 to 17. Finally, we will get a Patriot Super Bowl in the fourth quarter to where I can kick back, relax, and start looking for a location of the post-game party.

Josh Allen's low college completion percentage was only because his receivers weren't good enough

His completion percentage was only so low in college because the receivers aren't good enough. So you get him with a better receiver that can make spectacular diving, one-handed catches of balls that shouldn't be physically possible to catch, and you see that take up to like 57%, 58%. So I think he's going to be okay.

Fortnite is the hottest game in the streets and is curing kids' depression

Fortnite, the hottest game in the streets. It's free... You're hearing stories about these kids who finally win a game or two of Fortnite, and their whole lives they get cured from depression.

I will not visit the White House if the Eagles win the Super Bowl

If you guys win the Super Bowl, are you going to the White House? No. Is that a no? No, I'm not going to the White House. Are you kidding me?