Takes

Panthers HC Dave Canales made a mistake writing a book about his infidelity and porn addiction

This is kind of a lesson in like, maybe don't ever get that big job. 'cause then people will start looking at your life. Dave Canales co-wrote a book with his wife about marriage... Canales admits to having had multiple affairs earlier in his life... also described in the book the addictions he once had to both pornography and alcohol. It sounds like his wife made him write a book. If you're co-authoring a book with your wife talking about your porn addiction, it's like a self-flagellation.

Brock Purdy is a top five quarterback in the NFL

[Option for spicy take: top five or worst?] I'm going top five. 'cause I mean, I saw something the other day that said, you know, he was leading the league in yards per attempt, passing efficiency... Patrick Mahomes, right? So don't forget about what Brock Purdy did all year... those three scrambles he made in the second half... that turned the tide of the game.

Patrick Mahomes is ahead of Tom Brady's pace for greatness

Yeah, I mean, it's tough to deny if he wins a Super Bowl. He is on pace... I'd say ahead of pace.

The Lamar vs. Mahomes matchup mirrored the Fields vs. Williams debate

Was it just watching the Justin Fields vs. Caleb Williams debate play out in real time? Like one guy can make all the passes. One guy can—he's a good passer, but when the things get tight, windows get tight, moments get tight, the passes aren't exactly precise.

Every Arizona fan is scared to play Wisconsin in the tournament

Every Arizona fan heard you say that and like, Max is the dumbest person ever. He doesn't know ball. Every Arizona fan is scared of Wisconsin. That's a fact... We whooped them twice in the Elite Eight to go to the Final Four.

Joel Embiid ducked Nikola Jokic in Denver

We were robbed of Joel Embiid playing in Denver against Jokic. 15 minutes before the game, he's like, no, I don't wanna play. I wanna duck... He hasn't played in Denver since 2019. He likes to play Jokic at home and then he's an 'out' guy... when they get to Denver, his knee hurts.

Analytics have ruined baseball and basketball, but they've made football more exciting

Analytics or you know, advanced statistics, Sabre metrics, all these things has in a way ruined baseball and basketball... Football is the one sport where analytics and advance like metrics has made football significantly more exciting... the nineties football and early 2000 football when it wasn't even a question. If you had a fourth and two, you'd punt. Like, why would you want that?

Bill Belichick to the Buffalo Bills would be a perfect fit

Now it does feel like Belichick is gonna go to the Falcons, but Rex Ryan threw something out yesterday that I kind of, I don't hate Belichick to the bills... think of the puns... it actually makes sense. I think it may for a team that wants to win... if I'm Belichick I would, I would put feelers out there and be like, if, if you gimme a call, I will answer the phone.

Steph Curry belongs in the NBA GOAT conversation

I put Steph Curry up there. He's in the Go-cart. I'm putting Steph Curry in the GOAT conversation right now.

The Buffalo Bills should fix their problems by moving to the NFC

Move the team to the NFC. Like on like it is dicey with the cap... You bring up a great point and obviously like digs his, his issues down the stretch... But move the team to the NFC.

David Tepper should sue the S2 cognition test people for ruining his operation

I think that David Tepper should sue the S2 people because I am studying for the bar exam and you have to prove that you have financial damages and liability. David Tepper could very easily be like, 'You fucked over my entire operation.'

Chase Young's lack of production is glaringly obvious and disappointing

Chase Young stinks... he looks so intimidated. He looks like such a good football player that when he doesn't put up any stats, you're like, 'what's going on with this guy?' ... He leads the league in tackling non-ball carriers.

Missing the field goal was slightly better for Bills fans than Patrick Mahomes throwing a dagger

Losing the game this way [the wide right] is a little bit better than if [Tyler Bass] makes that kick, you kick off to Patrick Mahomes, he's got a minute 40 seconds left and then he drives down the field and puts a dagger in your heart again... you can be like, 'fucking kickers.'

The Bills must fire Sean McDermott because he's absorbed too much sadness

They have to make a change at coach... there's just too much sadness that follows him. If you're a coach, you eat some—coaches eat those losses. Some coaches just like absorb them into their bodies and get sad and they carry that baggage with them forever. Sean McDermott has just—he's been around for too many bad moments.

Patrick Mahomes might be the best quarterback to ever play

He might be the best quarterback to ever play. He's on pace to be. Fact or fiction, Hank? ... He's on pace.

Caitlin Clark's court storming collision was an 'all-time flop'

It was a flop. I saw the alternate angle. Caitlin Clark... she leaned into the contact. The girl was just running, minding her own business, and Caitlin Clark shoved her and then just did a pirouette and fell. It's crazy. This is insane. Justice for the other girl.

The over in the Packers vs. 49ers game is my nuclear missile whale play

I also love the over in this game, it's my nuclear missile whale play.

I want the 49ers to win the Super Bowl to retroactively erase the Eagles' success from last year

I'm rooting for them to get to the Super Bowl now because I want, I want it to be erased... He's gonna deal with 49ers fans being like, it never would've beaten us... I'm rooting for them to win and, and win big. And so that way we can be like, the 49ers should have been in the Super Bowl against the Chiefs.

The Wildcat is stupid; if you're going to run it, just take the quarterback off the field

If you're gonna do it, just take me off the field. You know, like, like let's, let's get an actual football player here so that we can actually accomplish something For real... that's why when I, when I go out there, I, I, I stay like five yards off the ball so there's no chance of me looking like an idiot.

The Cowboys should extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy

I still think with the, you know, benefit of hindsight, another day to think about it. You gotta extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy. Yeah, I think listen, you won 13 games, right? ... sometimes stability is your best stability.

The Eagles should fire everyone on the coaching staff except Big Dom

I want every one of them go ... Big dom stays. Big dom has stayed through multiple coaching generations. ... We need a leader of men on this team.

Romantically, things are not going to happen with Tiffany Gomas

I would like to, you know, set the record straight that we're not [dating]. ... we just kind of said, let's, let's just, you know, call a spade a spade and go our separate ways. ... I just think romantically it's not, it's not not gonna happen.

You got the full Joe Flacco experience — elite stretches where he can throw it a mile, then he just quits after the first quarter; that's Baldinger's cat

You got the full Joe Flacco experience because the old debate on whether or not he's elite goes back to Joe having games and stretches where he's just like, oh, this guy can throw the football a mile. And then he'll have a game like this where he just pretty much quits after the first quarter. And it's like, okay, it's not here today. I'm not elite today, but my eliteness will come back. It's Baldinger's cat — being elite and not elite at the same time.

Jordan Love is officially a future Hall of Famer

The Packers Jordan Love is really fucking good. I've just accepted the fact that he's probably a future Hall of Famer. I'm hoping that, I'm hoping it's just one Super Bowl like the last two guys. ... Jordan Love is so calm, cool, collected everything we said for CJ's job goes for Jordan Love.

Dak Prescott has the 'yips' and cannot throw the football

I have never seen in person witness someone have the yips like Dak had the yips. ... The first interception was a terrible throw. ... You could see he was telegraphing the pass. ... Dak Prescott, he had the yips. I, there was no other way to describe it. ... Dak Prescott's horrible, like literally is a quarterback that can't throw.

The Cowboys must get rid of Dak Prescott and hire Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels

I think you gotta get rid of Dak. Okay. You gotta, you can't pay Dak, CD and Parsons. ... You gotta get rid of Dak. You gotta get Bill Belichick in there, clean house. Let 'em, let 'em run the show. ... Belichick and McDaniels together. ... they were dominant. Yeah. You can't deny that.

Jerry Reinsdorf is a 'half-ass' owner who set the Bulls Ring of Honor up to fail

Jerry Reinsdorf being the absolute worst. ... He's a fucking half-ass owner. He's bullshit. ... he knew that [Jerry Krause] was gonna get booed. ... He set it up. ... I'm not like absolving the fans, but I think that the real blame should be Jerry Reinsdorf for putting together a half-ass thing.

Bill Belichick's mystery landing spot could be the Dallas Cowboys

I have three candidates for the mystery team. The Dallas Cowboys. If Mike McCarthy loses in the first, or maybe even in the second game, if they get their ass kicked in the divisional round, I could see Jerry Jones being like, we gotta make a change, Belichick's out here.

The Pittsburgh Steelers will beat the Buffalo Bills outright

I like the Steelers moneyline... You hate all our friends. You hate our futures. It's gotta be a dog that wins.

Mike Norvell is my guess for the next Alabama head coach

I'm going to say Mike Norvell. That is going to be my guess. He's been recruiting in this area... Florida State has to recruit against Alabama, Auburn, Georgia... You are already in that world. You're just not in the same conference.

College football is ultimately about who is the best at cheating

I also think this proves that cheaters win, like in the, in the long term, everybody cheats. All right. This is not just Michigan. Every school, every major school in the country, they cheat in certain ways... college football is about who is the best at cheating. And Michigan was really fucking good at cheating.

Cutter Gauthier is a 'pussy' for refusing to play for the Flyers

That guy's a cutter's a pussy. That's a, that's a fact. Because... he told Philly that he wanted to play for Philly and then change his mind two months later.

Only four NFL teams would say no to trading their QB for CJ Stroud right now

How many teams would say no if they asked if you called him up and was like, CJ Stroud for your quarterback? The Bills. The Chiefs. I think it's four. I think it's the Bengals and the Ravens. I think that's it. I think every other team would probably say yes. Especially given his contract.

I am leaning toward the Bears drafting Caleb Williams #1 overall

I lean Caleb Williams. He's so fucking good. And he would be, he would also just make me excited for a couple more years... whatever the choices are, they gotta make the right choices. I would lean, Caleb Williams.

The Eagles are legitimately the worst team in football right now

The team's bad football team right now. I don't care what they were doing at the first 11 games... They're legitimately the worst team in football right now.

Philadelphia Eagles fans are the most annoying fan base in the NFL

Philly, anytime of the year. Anytime of the year, bro. They're like vegans. They're like, you know, you don't ask if they're vegan or not. They tell you. Like, 'yo, what about our Philly?' I didn't even say anything about Philly football.

The fumble-through-the-end-zone touchback rule is a good rule that should not be changed

Everyone out there tweets the same thing. This is the worst rule in sports. Fuck you. It's not, it's actually a great rule. The end zone exists as a special place in football. There's different rules in the end zone... It's an agent of chaos too, which I, I like that little bit of uncertainty when you get down to the goal line.

The Chicago Bears are building a winner identical to the 2022 Detroit Lions

The Bears are building something. I don't care what people say. I know people are gonna trash me. The Bears are building something. They're basically identical to what the Lions did last year and the fact that they almost made the Playoffs... Justin Fields. We're keeping Justin Fields. We're taking all the picks.

The Chicago Bears will be a good football team in 2024

The Bears are going to be good in 2024. I'm saying it right now. This team is playing fucking good football. Justin Fields looks good... I don't care that this might be a terrible soundbite for me next year, but I'm saying it right now and I believe it.

If Joe Flacco wins the Super Bowl with the Browns, he must be a Hall of Famer

What if Joe Flacco wins? If Joe Flacco wins the super Bowl with the Browns, he has to be a Hall of Famer, right? Has to a hundred percent.

DeMar Hamlin should not win NFL Comeback Player of the Year

I'll be the brave one and say, this guy shouldn't win the award... It is just a fact. He shouldn't win the award.

Russell Wilson played himself out of a Hall of Fame career

We'll always have the danger witch. Yeah, he, he definitely played himself out of a hall of Fame career. Right. I don't know that, that's gonna be a tough one... Russell, Wilson is nowhere near top 10 now.

The Chiefs might be done

Are the Chiefs done? The Chiefs might be done. Is Travis Kelce, has he lost all of his skills? A lot of football to get to.

I will match Big Cat's offer of Super Bowl tickets for Lions fans

Max, thank you. Huge for you, Max. You wanna match? I'll match. I'm matching for this year. Not saying like extending it to Infinity. This season. This season.

Joe Flacco is a better option for the Browns than Deshaun Watson

If he's healthy as he is right now, [Flacco] is without a doubt, a better option for your team than Deshaun Watson.

The Dolphins and Cowboys are both frauds

The Cowboys are frauds. Frauds, but the Dolphins are also frauds because all they prove that they is that they can beat a fraud... we didn't learn anything from this game whatsoever.

Bill Belichick will beat the Jets one last time then leave for the Commanders

If Belichick is going to the Commanders, Belichick will figure out a way to beat the New York Jets one last time... and then give the Patriots a worst pick, give his potential new team a better pick. That's my fanfiction world.

The NBA is back to being irrelevant

Who's back? NBA being Irrelevant.

Matt Stafford is a Hall of Famer

Matt Stafford is a hall of Famer and watching him play football is fun. Like his, the the throws he makes And, it, it's, it doesn't feel like it's gratuitous. It's like it's making some of these throws. 'cause he has to make these throws.

Bryce Young will win Offensive Player of the Week in Week 16

I think Bryce Young is gonna get offensive player of the week. Oh. Because the last two quarterbacks that the Packers have played against have done Offensive Player of the Week, baker Mayfield. And then the week before that Tommy Devito. Yeah. So, Bryce Young, next up Player of the week.