Takes

The Red Sox middle relief is their biggest postseason concern

I'm a little concerned, to be honest with you, about the middle reliever. You know, I think we need to approach the opposition better when it comes down to it... once Sale got out of the game in the 6 or 7, those inning and a half, I want to make sure that we are covered.

France is not a golf country

Ryder Cup. What a waste of a tournament. France is not a golf country. I agree. France is not a golf country.

The Rams are officially the team to beat in the NFL

I feel so proud of our friend Jared Goff, and the Rams are officially the team to beat. Circle them, put them on the pedestal. They are a fucking juggernaut.

The Eagles' offense is not good right now

Offensively, I don't think they're good... they've got Carson Wentz playing on one leg. I don't think he's ready to come back yet. It's the old Robert Griffin all in for week one.

Until proven otherwise, the Dolphins aren't a real NFL team

Until proven otherwise, the Dolphins aren't a real NFL team. [Big Cat]: Until they win this game [against the Patriots]. If they win the 'Are We Sure They're Good' game, they are then good.

Buffalo is an even worse team than everyone already thought

Buffalo's not as bad as we thought that they were. I think they might be worse than we thought that they were. And they lost Marshall Newhouse, too, so that's a big factor there.

Roger Goodell needs to fix the 4:05 PM kickoff time problem

Sneaking this game in at 4.05 and then all the other games at 4.25, you need to fix this fucking problem because it's the game that gets lost every single week. You just forget it starts. I have missed every single 4.05 kickoff. Ever. It starts right in the witching hour.

The NFL is definitely getting soft with the new rules

[Big Cat]: So do you land on the NFL getting soft, or do you think it's good that they're trying to protect players? [Chris Johnson]: It's definitely getting soft.

USC would have beaten Texas in the Rose Bowl if they had run the ball more

I definitely feel if we would have ran the ball more, the game would have been over. [Big Cat]: What about when Reggie did the fumble?... [Lendale White]: I'm sure Chris can attest to this... I know if I was in the game, I would have caught it and scored.

Jared Goff's success is actually due to the complicated 'lessons' he learned from Jeff Fisher

If Jared Goff is this good and sucked with Jeff Fisher, does that mean that Steve McNair is actually the greatest quarterback of all time? [PFT Commenter]: No. It took a year for Coach Fisher's lessons to sink in because they were so complicated... Jeff Fisher taught Jared Goff a lot of lessons. Not losses. Lessons.

Animal crackers are cookies, not crackers

I think they're cookies. They're sweet. They're not savory, they're sweet... they're the worst cookie but the best cracker.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is the most classic NFL player because you can see his magic disappearing in real-time

I love Ryan Fitzpatrick. If you don't love Ryan Fitzpatrick, you got a big old dump in your pants because he is so classic and you can tell the minute Ryan Fitzpatrick is losing his magic. It is so fun to watch the downfall. It's great to watch the rise. He will get to the highest of highs, and then he will get to the lowest of lows.

You have to keep starting Ryan Fitzpatrick until it gets 'real ugly'

You ride Ryan Fitzpatrick until it gets real ugly. Here's why you don't [bench him]... I want him out there until he pulls like a Dan Orlovsky and does something as dumb as like sprinting out of the back of the end zone into the tunnel with a ball.

Jay Cutler to the 49ers makes too much sense given his links to John Lynch and the Shanahans

I'm actually working on Jay Cutler to the 49ers... I've talked to someone in the 49ers building. I've talked to Jay Cutler. I'm bringing both parties to the table... He's got a link to John Lynch. He's got a link to the Shanahan family. It makes too much sense.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Injured players secretly hope their team loses so their importance is validated

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose... it's the competitive nature in you. I know you're obviously rooting for your teammates. You want them to win, but there's a part of you that always wants to be part of the winning team.

Brad Stevens is the best X's and O's coach I have ever seen

From an X's and O's standpoint, he's one of the best, if not the best I've ever seen. It's like when you watch... the Celtics games, or if you have watched old Butler games, like after timeout plays, we're getting the bucket every time.

The 2010 Duke team was the best coached team in the tournament, not the most talented

Duke was not the most talented team that we played or had the best players that we played throughout the tournament... But they were the best coached and, like, the most disciplined. They were kind of like us.

Alabama's maroon home uniforms look slow and boring

I've always thought that the Alabama maroon uniforms look kind of slow... Whenever they put on the maroons at home... They just look a little slow. They're a little dull. Just everything about Alabama is a little bit boring. It's a factory. It's industrial.

Andy Reid's teams always take a sharp performance dip after Halloween

We all know that Andy [Reid], he takes a sharp dip after Halloween. He goes into stage two diabetes and never comes back.

Tiger Woods is all the way back

Tiger Woods is all the way back. He won the Tour Championship... Tiger Woods still was able to break through to anyone who's even watching football who doesn't even care about golf.

Dont'a Hightower can no longer play linebacker effectively

Hightower can't run like he used to run. And so he's really a defensive end. He can't play linebacker anymore.

Derek Carr is not worth a $20 million salary

I'm not sure that [Derek] Carr's worth the $20 million when you watch him play.

Dak Prescott is not the problem in Dallas, the scheme is

I don't think [Dak Prescott sucks]... I think their scheme is so bad. I think they do nothing to help them. I think if Sean McVay went and spent two weeks in Dallas, they'd probably score 30 points a week.

The Miami Dolphins are pretenders despite their 3-0 start

I'm not buying Miami, even though they're 3-0.

Mitch Trubisky is not an instinctive quarterback and lacks the 'feel' for the position

When the game goes fast, I think it's hard for [Mitch Trubisky]. I think the reason he didn't play... at North Carolina is because it wasn't an instinctive position for him.

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize in their sensitivity

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize... Shaq is kind of a fucking loser like that too, where he can joke... but if you come at him, he's kind of a baby about it.

You cannot win a championship with Jimmy Butler as your number one guy

I would not want to pay [Jimmy Butler] a max deal right now. I don't think that you can win a championship with Jimmy Butler as your one or one a guy.

The Panthers are not a good football team even if they win

I actually think this is kind of a, are we sure they're a good game for the Panthers too? Because if the Panthers lose, I'm going to start asking, are we sure they're good? I don't think the Panthers are good, even if they win.

Derek Carr is an overrated quarterback

Derek Carr's overrated, I think. It's the Raiders. They've been a gong show forever.

Vontae Davis retiring at halftime was a selfish move

You can't quit on your team. If you want to quit after the game, fine. You've got to finish the game. You've got to at least be standing on the sidelines rooting the guys on that you're trying to help or hope to win... It was a selfish move in a weird way to, I mean, everyone's going to remember how that guy retired instead of his career.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick actually hate each other

I do actually believe that Brady and Belichick hate each other. I think they hate each other, but I think that they have such a productive hate for each other. And they're both such like competitive psychos that it just makes each one of them be better at their jobs.

Spitting in your own pee stream is a sign of dominance

Number one, spitting in your pee stream is a sign of dominance... once it hits the stream you're in for a good day. Target practice. It's like going skeet shooting.

You cannot trust a guy who consistently wears cologne

You can't trust a guy who consistently wears cologne. You just can't. You're trying too hard.

The Bears are neck-and-neck with the Rams as Super Bowl favorites

In conclusion, the Bears, I have to, if I'm being honest and not just to troll you, I say that the Bears are, it's like them neck and neck with the Rams as being Super Bowl favorites.

Mike Tomlin is losing the Steelers locker room

We always say Mike Tomlin, he's a player's coach, and he's liable to lose a locker room this year. He's literally losing his locker room. He's got nothing. He's got [Le'Veon] Bell gone.

Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers

I was saying, okay, who killed these Pittsburgh Steelers? Was it the Browns? Nope. Was it Patrick Mahomes? Nope. Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers by beating them twice last year in their own backyard.

The Buccaneers have a full-blown quarterback controversy

Deshaun Jackson proved our point that you have to keep riding Ryan Fitzpatrick. He said that you have to ride the hot hand. That is a full-blown quarterback controversy as far as I'm concerned.

Urban Meyer is so boring off the field that it's hard to understand how players get fired up for him

He's one of those coaches where when he's not actively on the sidelines coaching, he's so boring that I have no idea how anybody gets fired up to play for him. He must be just like a totally different guy when he's out there on the field.

Route running is the most important skill for a wide receiver

I would say that route running is supreme over every other characteristic of being a receiver. Forget the speed. Forget the height. Forget the vertical. If you're a route runner, you can be so deceptive with everything.

The Bills and the Cardinals are the only two NFL teams that definitely suck after Week 2

I think this is the first time we've gotten to week two, because usually you can tell almost instantly, okay, these teams definitely suck, and these teams are going to definitely be good. I actually only have two teams that definitely suck on the list... the Bills [and] the Cardinals.

Todd Bowles is a top-ten NFL coach

I still think that Todd Bowles is a top-ten coach. Everybody knows the Dolphins always play the Jets tough.

The Buccaneers cannot sit Ryan Fitzpatrick if he wins in Week 3

Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him? I don't know what's going on with Ryan Fitzpatrick, but I am ready, much like Case Keenum last year where we had to ask ourselves many times... Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him?

The Jaguars' defense is for real and they're scary

The Jaguars' defense is going to be for real... You can look at what happened with [Gronkowski] today... They shut down Rob Gronkowski. Like, that defense is scary.

The 'Philip Rivers line' is the definitive way to judge if an NFL quarterback is elite

The Mendoza line... it's just the Philip Rivers line. Would you take said quarterback over Philip Rivers? If you would, then he's an elite quarterback. If you wouldn't, then he is a sucky quarterback. Philip Rivers straddles that line perfectly.

Wisconsin is out of the national title race after losing to BYU

The one redeeming quality about Wisconsin Badger football fans is we are realists to a fault. I never, we're not, we're out of the national, you know. It's not going to happen. We could win every game and it still wouldn't happen. You can't lose as 23 and a half point favorites.

The NFL should treat QBs like kickers and prohibit all contact after the ball is out

Just treat the quarterback like a punter or a kicker. Once the ball's out, you can't touch him. Then there's no ambiguity... if you don't touch the ball and the ball's out and you hit the quarterback, it's a foul just like it is for a punter and a kicker.

Bill O'Brien would be at the front of the hot seat list if he hadn't just received a contract extension

The Houston Texans... who were 4-12 last year, and Bill O'Brien still got a contract extension. You know, if he hadn't gotten that extension, I think he'd be the guy at the front of the hot seat list right now.

Joe Flacco stinks and the Ravens need to get him receivers

Joe Flacco. He stinks. They need to get him some receivers.

The excuse for Joe Flacco's entire career will be his lack of receivers

The Ravens just won't go out and get it [receiving help]. That's going to be the excuse for Joe Flacco for his entire career. Okay. Because he doesn't have receivers.