Takes

I bet $200 on Donald Trump to win the election a year ago and it looks like a good bet

By the way, just want to say put $200 on Donald Trump about a year ago. That's looking pretty good right now.

The Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this year

Man, I'm going to—who do I want to pick? I think Anaheim might get it right this year.

Someone is going to die from the table-jumping trend

No, somebody's already died. We just have—they just didn't look about it. They deleted the video. So it never got out. [Later] But we all know someone's going to die.

Jeff Fisher is trading draft picks to the Titans to secure a future front-office job for himself in Tennessee

I predict that within like three years, Jeff Fisher is going to go back to Tennessee in some capacity. Whether that's like as a general manager or involved in some sort of ownership group because their ownership is still way up in the air. I think he's making a nest for himself. I think he's giving them all these draft picks to select like a decent amount of good players. And then that's his escape hatch in two years if it doesn't work out in LA.

NFL primetime games in late December are always horrendous

I do know that we will have at least three or four primetime games in like late December that are horrendous because that happens without fail. The Monday night games. There will be a game where Gruden will have to tell out the world that like some awful quarterback is good.

Kyle Schwarber will return from his ACL/LCL injury in six months, in time for the World Series

That's a little out of my expertise in information systems. Let's say six months... [Back in time for the World Series?] Sure. I mean, that's where the money is. I would say so.

The Bulls will give the Celtics a really good series in the playoffs

I think the Bulls are going to give the Celtics a really good series.

Tiger Woods will never win another major championship

I'm firmly in the Tiger will never win another Masters or major championship in his life. And I've said that for like four or five years now. I just don't, your body can only take so many steroids before you become immune to them.

The 2016 Warriors will win the NBA title

The Golden State Warriors won their 72nd game last night against the Spurs. So now they are an all-time team. Unless they don't win the title. If they don't win the title, then it really doesn't matter. But we all kind of assume they will win the title.

I pick the Reds to win the World Series

The Reds are 3-0. You pick them to win the World Series. ... I think it said that we're going to win so many games this year that we can afford to have a really long hashtag.

The Crying Michael Jordan meme will never die

The reason why the crying MJ meme will never die, and it's very simple, anyone who ever complains about it instantly gets the crying MJ meme on them so it's like it just it's a self-fulfilling you can't stop it.

I'm just not going to pay my taxes

Probably just not going to do them. [Taxes].

The Reds will finish in second place in the NL Central

Out of the NL Central, I've got the Reds followed up by the Cubs. I don't know. I think the Cubs are going to be a good wildcard team this year... If [the Reds] come in second place in the division, I'm going to look like the smartest guy in baseball.

Buddy Hield's game reminds me of Michael Redd

Well, his game reminds me of Michael Redd, the Ohio State player... He was a big-time scorer, about 6'4", 6'5", unorthodox, could shoot it from anywhere. He kind of reminds me of Michael Redd. I think he's going to be a great pro.

Villanova is a totally different team than they were earlier in the season when Oklahoma beat them

Villanova's a totally different team than what they faced early in the year. They were still trying to figure themselves out. Oklahoma had a little bit more of a veteran team. They played together. So, you know, that was an advantage for the Sooners. But, you know, if OU goes in there with the mindset like, hey, you know, we already beat this team by 25 and you start overlooking them... Your butt might be going home on Saturday.

Bet the unders for the Final Four because Houston's NRG Stadium is a very bad shooting stadium

Houston is a very, very bad shooting stadium. Very bad. It's in the big dome, the Reliant Energy Center, whatever the hell it's called. I think it went 7-1 unders last year when they played part of the tournament there. So take the unders... parlay both those unders you're off and running.

Indiana has found its next long-term head coach in Tom Crean

Has Indiana found its next head coach in Tom Crean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, Tom Crean's done a really good job, I think, growing with this particular team... Once he cleaned out some guys over the last summer, yeah, I think they have.

Kansas will win the 2016 National Championship

I thought it was going to be Michigan State and North Kansas. And I like Kansas to win. I liked them before the tournament. I like them now.

The winner of the Indiana vs. North Carolina game will play for the National Championship

North Carolina, Indiana winner. I think it's going to play for [the title]. I do. I think that, you know, I think they'll beat the next team.

LeBron James will announce he is re-signing with the Cavs by re-following them on Twitter

I actually think what's happening is that LeBron unfollowed the Cavs and that when he signs his option... he's going to announce it by refollowing the Cavs. It's such a shitty, like not cool thing to do, but it's so lame that it perfectly fits something that he would think was a good idea.

Yale vs Duke Under is my lock of the century

That's my lock of the century. Put the money in the bank right now. It's done... if you start a good place to start is by betting the under on two teams that you hate. [Yale vs Duke]

Cincinnati will beat St. Joe's because they are too big and physical

I think Cincinnati, too big and too physical for St. Joe's. St. Joe's wants to play on the perimeter. Cincinnati will beat you up physically. They're not going to wow you with their jump-shooting ability, but I think they'll be able to get easy buckets. So I like Cincinnati in that game, laying the 2, 2.5.

Adam LaRoche's son will grow up to be the greatest hot take writer in history

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, pranks... His entire life is a locker room.

Virginia will lose because they lack players who can make late-game shots

I think Virginia is like almost identical to some of the Wisconsin teams... where they don't have guys who can just make shots late in the game when you need... They have the one guy and but everyone else... you need to make shots at the end of the games.

Duke stinks and could easily lose in the first round

And Duke stinks. This could be a year that Duke loses in the first round, which is my favorite year when that happens... No, they have five guys, and only one guy can rebound, and they don't have a bench.

The 'suh dude' trend will last until the end of the school year

I got to say at least until the end of the school year because it's already second semester and usually that won't wear off until the end.

I could catch 22 passes in a season as a slot receiver for Tom Brady

I feel like this is like a suggestive knock on one of the greatest slot receivers of all time, Danny Amendola... But I might be able to catch, I'd say, 22 balls.

Chris Long would catch 85 passes in a season from Tom Brady

I think you're selling yourself short because you're extremely humble... I'd put you upwards of like 80, 85.

I will not be signing with the Los Angeles Rams

Well, the team that just kicked me out onto the street, you know, was the St. Louis Rams. Now the Los Angeles Rams. I'd probably rather not play there.

Brock Osweiler is too tall and will trip a lot in the NFL

Brock Osweiler. He's like six, eight. He's crazy tall, too tall. I feel like he's going to trip a lot in the NFL. Is that crazy?

The more lawsuits ESPN files against us, the stronger we get

I want to have them file lawsuits at me nonstop because the more they file, the stronger I get... the more lawsuits we have filed against us, the better we get.

The internet will side with us over ESPN in this legal battle

If I know anything about the Internet, the Internet's going to have our back. Nobody's going to side with ESPN on this. They're going to look real bad.

The Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking

The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.

The Raiders will get good and then immediately move to L.A., totally screwing over the city of Oakland

I think what's what's going to happen is you're going to see the Raiders get really good. or start to get good and then move to L.A. right as they get good and totally screw over the city of Oakland... you can see the Raiders make some noise out in the West and then immediately move to L.A.

Matthew Stafford will be the worst quarterback in the NFC North without Calvin Johnson

Matt Stafford is getting paid a shitload of money, and now he's probably going to be the worst quarterback in the NFC North. And it looks like it's not going to get better for him, at least for the next three or four years, until they can get something good going out there.

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos

Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos. Von Miller has been talking about Johnny Manziel going to the Broncos... I'm pretty sure a locker room that just won the Super Bowl is going to be like, Johnny, don't fuck around. More importantly, Denver... is known as Menver because it's like 75% dudes... Johnny won't have as much opportunity for the ladies in Menver.

Pardon My Take will be the best place for sports arguments until we develop drug problems and tap out

This is gonna be the best place to get all your sports arguments and debates for the next several years until we both develop severe drug problems and tap out, have to have to take a couple years off. And then we'll have a reunion and they'll do like a behind the music on us.

Pardon My Take will change the entire world of podcasting

It's gonna change the entire world of podcasting. No, I mean I'm not, I'm not raising my voice. What I'm saying I'm not quivering. Like that's just the cold hard truth.