Takes

Russian tortoises are the only type of tortoise to ever go to the moon

This type of tortoise [Russian tortoise] is actually the only type of tortoise to ever go to the moon.

I am putting a responsibly large wager on the Sixers -5 based on the turtle's pick

Mr. P's pick is a Sixers minus five responsibly. Large wager has been put on a Mr. P's first ever pick. Let's go 76ers.

Ludvig Åberg will win multiple major championships in his lifetime

Oberg will win. I'm calling my shot. Oh, yeah, [Åberg] is gonna win multiple major championships in his lifetime. But Scottie was just too good.

Scottie Scheffler will win the 2024 U.S. Open with his new baby

All that means is he's gonna have the kid and then he's definitely gonna win the US open 100% with a new baby. That's gonna be the picture. That's him holding his new baby on the tee or on the green of the 18th hole. The US Open wherever. Oh, it's Pinehurst, right? Yep. It is Pinehurst.

Do not bet on Scottie Scheffler to repeat as Masters champion in 2025

Remind us not to bet on Scottie Scheffler [next year], which I still will... for a returning champion at Augusta, I think it's been like only two of the last 20 have even finished in the top 10.

Verne Lundquist should do a 'ManningCast' style broadcast for the Masters starting next year

Verne needs to do like a ManningCast thing next year at the Masters where it's just Verne sitting in his living room... with that big smile on his face.

Bryson DeChambeau will win a major championship in 2024

He will win a major this year. He looks warm. Oh, he looks like a regular golfer now with the 3D printed clubs. Yeah. He will win one.

Golfers should be allowed to use any club they want, regardless of size

My take is that you should be allowed to use whatever club you want. Yeah. Ever. Like all the time. Doesn't matter how big it is. Gets blow in the hole. You should, you should be allowed to cheat at golf with the clubs that you use. You, you obviously have to take your own shots. But if they're your clubs, they're in your bag. Just get the ball in the hole.

If Scottie Scheffler doesn't win at least five Green Jackets, his career is a bust

Scotty's just, he's, he's only 27 years old... If he doesn't win five green jackets, his career is a bust. Scottie sucks. Scotty's a bust.

UFC overtime should consist of a five-foot octagon where fighters punch each other until someone wins

That should be overtime in all the UFCs just stand, they they shrink the octagon. Yeah. and just like five feet in diameter, just stand in there and punch each other until somebody wins.

Nestor Cortes' fake pitch is awesome because of how much it bothers baseball traditionalists

I'm Now on Cortez's side. All right. I Now think it's an awesome pitch. I didn't [know] it made people that mad. So, I mean, there's no way this is actually like a strategy that could like [work]... I Now think it's an awesome pitch. If it makes people mad, that rules.

The Patriots should draft Marvin Harrison Jr. instead of a quarterback

I'm still down for Marvin Harrison Jr. No one... [Bailey] Zappe's there. Yeah. There's plenty of fine quarterbacks out there. You have a franchise wide receiver who's a stud and can actually make things happen with a perfectly fine Jacoby Brissett.

Mark Pope will succeed at Kentucky because nostalgia is a powerful drug

Kentucky basketball and Mark Pope. Yeah. I I'm with you. I think I'm be, I'm a believer in Mark Pope now. Nostalgia is a very powerful drug. Like I would just, if I were a Kentucky fan right now, I'd just be looking at pictures of Mark Pope and Rick Pitino and be like, this is, this is, we're going back. Sometimes you gotta go back.

Scottie Scheffler's dominance is sustainable because he has no vices and a strong perspective on life

The genius of Scottie is he's like, 'I'm real good with whatever this is and I'm not trying to change any of it.' ... Presuming he stays healthy, I think he'll just keep just obliterating people... he just doesn't seem to have vices or things that that could get in the way of any of it.

Fans do not care about the LIV vs. PGA Tour drama anymore and the game just needs to be unified

No one gives a shit about this LIV stuff at this point. Golf just needs to get back together... I think everyone kind of just understands that it's better when everyone plays. It's fun to see [Rahm] and Brooks and Bryson and Cam Smith... you wanna see 'em all play together 'cause that means the best in the world are together.

The Orlando Magic will beat the Cleveland Cavaliers in the first round of the NBA playoffs

I like the magic in the first round. Ooh little small upset there over the Cavs.

The Sixers will beat the Heat, the Knicks, and the Bucks in the 2024 NBA playoffs

I like the Sixers to beat the heat. I also like the Sixers to beat the Knicks Ooh. And then I like the Sixers to beat the Bucks. I do actually like that the Knicks like tried because I think that there you should, you should have some pride and be like, we're not ducking anyone.

The NBA should allow the top four seeds to draft their first-round opponents

The NBA should do two new things the NBA should do. They should do a draft of who the top four seeds get to pick who they get to play in the first round. And also there should just be an automatic Weby makes the Playoffs clause.

The Celtics will walk through the Eastern Conference because no team in the East is a concern

I'm excited. I'm very excited. Very, very excited. Championship or bust. No, no. I mean I, I like, I would like to beat the heat just for, you know, the storyline's sake, but I'm not concerned about 'em. I think we would roll. There's no one that, that that worries you.

The Denver Nuggets are the 'inevitable' favorites to win the 2024 NBA title

I think the Nuggets and the Celtics are just kind of both inevitable... I think it's theirs to lose. It seems like we're on a crash... Celtics Nuggets. There's no, you can't defend against the Nuggets when they're playing.

The Denver Nuggets will beat the Boston Celtics in five games in the 2024 NBA Finals

What do we have for the finals is nuggets versus Celtics nuggets. Celtics nuggets over Celtics and five.

The Celtics will beat the Suns in five games in the 2024 NBA Finals

I'm gonna go Celtics over Suns in five. Dreaming then. Jokic, Scottie Scheffler... I'm just dreaming about not having to play the Nuggets and just dominating the Suns in five.

The 76ers will beat the Clippers in six games in the 2024 NBA Finals

Sixers over Clippers and six.

The Golden State Warriors will beat the Los Angeles Lakers in the play-in tournament specifically for the TV ratings

What I think is gonna happen in the West, we're gonna see Lakers-Warriors in a play-in game... Warriors would win that... for the ratings.

Both the Bears and the Patriots will have elite franchise quarterbacks for the next 15 years

Talk to me in two weeks when I get Caleb Williams... statistically speaking, we're both gonna have elite quarterbacks. Really good. Yeah. It's gonna be like five of the next six [Super Bowls] gonna be incredible. Yeah, it's gonna be like Seahawks 49ers. Yeah. Going back and forth.

It is finally safe to donate to cancer charities now that OJ Simpson is dead

The big news is it's finally okay to donate to cancer curing charities now again. Yes. Because now there's no chance that money goes to help OJ.

OJ Simpson was a significantly better football player than he was a person

Say what you will about OJ. But he was a way, way better football player than person. Absolutely. Not even close. Like 2000 yards in 14 games.

The Buffalo Bills have been cursed from returning to the Super Bowl since OJ Simpson committed murder in 1994

I realized after OJ died, the Bills haven't made the Super Bowl since he committed double murder. 1994, the Bills played in the Super Bowl. Summer 94 [the murder happened]. This might be good things for the Bills [now that he's dead].

Will Compton is a better person than he was a football player

The perfect Will Compton is a better person than he was a football player. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. It's easy. Yeah. That's easy.

OJ Simpson is in heaven because they needed a great running back

I got into a little tiff with Jose Canseco online... because when OJ died, I said, RIP to OJ Simpson. Heaven just got a great running back. Jose Canseco was like, wait a second. OJ's not in heaven.

Skinny jeans are a joke and it is impossible to look tough while wearing them

I think that certain fads out there, certain trends are just set up as a joke by the industry to see what these suckers will pay for and start wearing. I think the entire skinny jeans movement was like that. You can't, in my opinion, you can't look tough wearing skinny jeans.

The 2024 Masters feels like it is Scotty Scheffler's destiny to win

Scotty Scheffler does just look like it's a destiny. It looks like he is locked in on all accounts.

Making 25 bets a day is not that crazy for a serious gambler

25 bets a day is not that crazy. I wanna say that a lot of people were shaming that listen during this college football Saturday. It's not that crazy gamble responsibly.

I think Shohei Ohtani was gambling

I think he was gambling. [Big Cat: You do, do you think Shohei was gambling?] Yeah.

It is crazy to accuse Shohei Ohtani of gambling without a full investigation clearing him first

I think a lot of people are accusing that. I think they just want the chaos. But I think that's crazy to accuse unless like they did a full investigation and he's clear.

Scott Drew claiming God called him to stay in Waco is a red flag given the history of religious leaders in that area

I just wanna remind people of the last guy that said God is commanding them to live in Waco, Texas. And how that turned out. Not great.

John Calipari will be a successful coach at Arkansas

Cal's gonna win it at Arkansas. He's gonna be a good coach in Arkansas. It's a good basketball school.

Mark Pope is a better fit for Kentucky than Calipari because he can actually coach basketball, even if he doesn't recruit as well

One of the complaints that Kentucky fans have had for the last four or five years is like, we get the recruits but we don't have coaching. Mark Pope can coach. So you get the coaching now.

Tiger Woods will not make the cut at the 2024 Masters

Tiger's not making the cut this year. I mean, think about the Masters is though... he might. I think Tiger probably 50-50, right?

Max Homa needs to be more of an asshole to win major championships

I do like [Max Homa], but I think he has that Rory disease... He wants to be liked too much. He's a very nice guy. But I want him to be more of an asshole because I think assholes win these things.

Ludvig Åberg is a future true superstar built in a lab

This Ludvig guy from Sweden's my new favorite golfer. He's just built in a lab. Perfect swing, stallion, 6'3". I think he's gonna end up being a true superstar.

Scottie Scheffler is a bore despite being a historically great golfer

The Scottie Scheffler of it all just looms and he's such a bore. I understand he's a wonderful player, but he's so boring.

The golf talent pool is so deep now because of the 'Tiger Woods generation' that we will never see a dominant superstar like him again

I don't think we'll ever see a golfer that good again because... now we're watching the products of the Tiger Woods youth generation. The talent pool's too big now.

The Dallas Stars are the best team in the NHL and a strong Stanley Cup future bet

If anyone else is gonna get it done, I think Dallas is okay. If you want to make a future bet, Dallas... Dallas is the best team in the league.

I have officially transitioned into a 'spill guy' who spills on his clothes once a week

I had a great run as a guy who didn't spill on himself... I am now a spill guy. Happens probably once a week. Chips in queso have become the devil. I just end up with a spill no matter what.

Hitchhiking should be brought back because it was generally safe

Bring back hitchhiking. Hitchhiking was safe. I feel like hitchhiking got a bad rap because there were a couple serial killers out there. Almost 100% of hitchhikers ended without a serial killer encounter.

UConn just completed the most dominant postseason run of any team in history

The most dominant stretch in postseason play of any team ever. The best, the best run of any team ever. I think we could say like UConn dominate everybody. The games were not particularly exciting. UConn, they, I think they're the best second half team in the entire tournament by a vast margin.

Dan Hurley's press conference after losing to Villanova in 2020 will go down as one of the coolest, most badass clips of all time

Danny Hurley's press conference after the Villanova lost in 2020 might go down as one of the coolest, most badass Clips of all time when he said, get us now, 'cause we're coming and you're not gonna get us later.

Dan Hurley is the new face of college basketball

[Dan Hurley] shows his emotion and he's not a fucking robot and he's the new face of college basketball.

Zach Edey will definitely be a first-round NBA draft pick

He'll be drafted for sure and he'll probably be drafted in the first round. Someone will take a shot at it and just be like, what, you know, see if we can work with this.