Takes

The narrative that Josh Rosen is a bad teammate is complete bullshit

The whole Josh Rosen is a terrible teammate, terrible human being is like the biggest runaway narrative of all time. Josh Rosen is a little abrasive. He's a little arrogant. He thinks he's smart... Aaron Rodgers, kind of the same guy... I haven't seen, nobody from the Arizona Cardinals said anything bad about him, right? His teammates seem to really like him.

The Warriors' biggest opponent this year is themselves

The Warriors every year, it's been like no one can beat the Warriors. This year, there finally is a team that can beat the Warriors, and it's the Warriors. So I'm excited to watch the Warriors try to beat the Warriors because this is what happens at the late dynasties... I truly think they all hate each other.

The Vladimir Guerrero Jr. hype will get old by mid-season

MLB, I will say, they're kind of overdoing. Every time he does anything, they're like, Vladimir Guerrero, Vladimir Guerrero... I think halfway through the season, it's going to get a little old.

I would rather be a zombie than be canceled

We're going to all cancel each other until we're the army of the dead. And I'm okay with that. I'm on the record being fine with being a zombie army. You don't have a lot to worry about when you're literally dead.

HBO failed the viewers by making the Battle of Winterfell too dark to see

I will stand and die on the hill that I still want to be able to watch the television show... I'm very happy that the White Walkers are dead because that was always my least favorite part of this show... I couldn't see shit. No, seriously. I could not see shit.

Kyler Murray is lying about The Great Gatsby being his favorite movie

I'm pretty sure Kyler Murray is the kind of guy that likes the Great Gatsby because he thinks Gatsby's cool as hell right? And he like throws these sick parties and he's just a boss. He does the Leo dance 15 years after it was cool... There was nothing cool about that book or that movie.

April has the worst weather of any month because of its inconsistency

April has the worst weather of any month... Because you can't fucking plan for it. It's cold. It's still the winter. Then it's hot. Then it's cold again. Then it rains... I would rather at least know January's going to suck no matter what.

NFL draft picks cannot be accurately graded until three or four years after they happen

I always like the draft grades that are going to come out on Monday. Teams are going to get A's and B's and C's and D's... but they don't circle back three or four years after. Because that's when you really grade the draft.

Bran Stark is an annoying character who ruins every scene he is in

Bran, I hope that fuck gets skull fucked in the middle of the field because he's so awkward. It's the guy in the wheelchair. I know Lieutenant Bran. He's so annoying. He ruins every scene.

Duke will have the #1 recruiting class and Matthew Hurt will be their next star white player people hate

Number one recruiting class. They got Vernon Carey Jr. And everyone likes to root against the white guy that's a high recruit at Duke. Matthew Hurt is the guy. Have you seen pictures of this kid? ... Duke's back.

Odell Beckham Jr. is genuinely happy to be in Cleveland and away from Eli Manning

Odell Beckham Jr. because he wants everyone to listen he is totally happy in Cleveland... Odell Beckham is probably just happy he's away from Eli Manning. He truly actually is happy that he doesn't have to play with Eli Manning anymore.

The top of the 2018 quarterback class was significantly better than the 2019 class

Those quarterbacks [2018 class] were better than any of the quarterbacks this year in my opinion. As a group of quarterbacks, the top guys were better.

Marquise Brown is the next DeSean Jackson

I love Marquise Brown, the wide receiver from Oklahoma. He's 166 pounds... but he's DeSean Jackson, and I'll take that in the top 20.

It is a massive mistake for Bucks fans to chant 'We Want Boston' after sweeping the Pistons

It's a mistake. ... Why poke the bear? ... When you're the No. 1 seed, you or your fans can't be doing stuff like this. They're going to get them.

No other quarterback could survive in Pittsburgh like Big Ben

There's no other quarterback in the league can play in Pittsburgh the way [Roethlisberger] have played... he's just a tough son of a gun.

Demaryius Thomas beat the Steelers in the 2011 playoffs, not Tim Tebow

It wasn't Tebow. It was DT... DT gave me a mean ass stiff arm... Everybody was like, Tebow Mania. I mean, it was. But that was DT, man.

Le'Veon Bell's absence accelerated Antonio Brown's departure from the Steelers

The locker room wasn't the locker room until Le'Veon left. Le'Veon is the mediator of everything... his absence, you think, helped accelerate the Antonio Brown stuff? For me, 100%.

The Buccaneers got screwed by the NFL schedule

The Bucs got fucked. The Tampa Bay fucking years. They are away from home for like two months in a row. They're taking like a semester off. They're going to away games by week, London, two more away games. That's a lot of probation officers that Jameis Winston has to notify.

The NBA should have a 'kill switch' rule for playoff games decided by 35+ points

In a playoff series, if a team wins by a certain amount... in basketball if they beat them by 35-plus, the series is automatically over right there. We just fast forward and we save everybody the time. If you get beat by 35 points, it's just the kill switch. And it would make blowouts exciting because teams would be having to try really hard in game one.

Led Zeppelin is the greatest stage band of all time

Band band, like get up there and kick ass on a stage, it's Led Zeppelin. It's not even close. They invented a different genre of music... It's because they're the greatest.

There are only three quarterbacks in the NFL worth a 4-year, $140 million contract

There are three quarterbacks in all the NFL that you would give this deal to... Aaron Rodgers already got it. Russell Wilson just got it. Patrick Mahomes is the third. There's not anyone else. You can't think of any other guys.

Capitals losing 5-0 is better than a close overtime loss

If it was a 4-3 overtime loss, I would be a little bit more worried. But the fact that I was rooting for it to get worse... 5-0, you can just wipe that one off. You can just say, wasn't our night, fellas.

Neil Armstrong is a more significant Purdue alum than I am

I'd say that's pretty significant, though, what Neil Armstrong accomplished. So I'd have to put him up there [above me].

Tiger Woods is officially back

The real story is Tiger Woods is officially back... He had that Tiger swagger.

The 2019 Masters was a bad weekend for the Augusta National course

I don't think I root for the course anymore. The course got embarrassed. This was a bad weekend for the course. Yeah, low scores.

Jimmy Butler screwed up the 76ers' chemistry

I think Jimmy Butler came in and screwed up the whole chemistry. That's what I think. Simmons can't shoot. It's so much easier to defend in the playoffs.

The Olympics should be held every year in Las Vegas

They should do the Olympics every year... Just do it in Vegas every year. Because no city wants it. Just do it in Vegas every year.

Tiger Woods beating the athlete golfers he inspired (Koepka, DJ) is his most impressive feat

There's a whole wave of guys that he created, right? The guys that look like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka that could be athletes in any sport... And they all kind of wanted to be him. And he beat all of them... when it's over, he wins.

Francesco Molinari's Sunday collapse will be forgotten because Tiger Woods won

[Molinari] is the one guy that's going to walk away from this the most gutted because if he doesn't make a couple mistakes, then maybe it's him. [Big Cat: I think he's the luckiest guy... no one will remember it because it's Tiger]. SVP: I hadn't even considered that... that actually makes a ton of sense.

Masters Sunday is the biggest napping day of the year

Everybody watches the Masters by themselves, maybe with their dad, maybe with a roommate or something like that, but it is the one day a year where you can take part in the biggest sporting event of that sport of the year and just sit there and chill, fall asleep, take a nap. It's the biggest Seebs Day of the year.

Wisconsin should hire Rick Pitino as their next head coach

We need to do a better job of getting Rick Pitino a job... Where else is there a head coaching vacancy? [Hank: Wisconsin]. I'd fucking take him in a second. I think that would make my life so much better if Rick Pitino was the coach. I mean, we would win the national title.

The Bulls should send Bill Murray or Jim Belushi to represent them at the draft lottery

Zion. Maybe Zion... That's going to be the biggest night of the Bulls probably since Derrick Rose left. You need to figure out who the ultimate good luck charm is. Jim Belushi. Final answer. [PFT]: Or Bill Murray. [Big Cat]: Get Bill Murray to do it. Yes.

Chris Davis's hitless streak is actually fun to watch

Do you feel bad for Chris Davis, who is now 0 for 53? [PFT]: No, because it's so much fun to watch. And if the Orioles were going to be a threat to do anything this year, then maybe I would be. But he's helping them.

Virginia's national title run is one of the coolest stories in sports history

UVA now becomes one of the coolest stories in all of sports going from the loss to UMBC last year as a one seed to a 16 seed never happened before to then get all the way back and go to the national title and win the national championship. It's all like one story. And it all kind of erases. I feel like if they don't have that low, they don't get to this high.

The best sports teams are usually the luckiest ones

To me, it seems like the best teams are always the ones that get the luckiest. You can make the case like, oh, Tom Brady shouldn't have as many Super Bowls because the interception bailed him out at the end of the Seattle game... But it turns out that if you have luck that adds up a lot, you're probably just good.

Instant replay should have a shot clock to keep the game moving

We should just have a shot clock on the replays because that would be thrilling. If the ref only has a certain amount of time... if they can't find the replay fast enough, guess what? Tough shit.

Jimmy Kimmel is no longer a 'guy's guy' because he thinks 'One Shining Moment' is bad

That's when Jimmy stopped being a guy's guy. [When he said] that one shining moment lived out its one shining moment 15 years ago... that it's not cool anymore.

The Masters deserves all the hype it gets and cannot be overhyped

You can't overhype the Masters. Take your microphone off. That's a bad take. The Masters deserve all the hype.

Patrick Reed's Masters menu is what a 14-year-old thinks an adult dinner looks like

This menu really is like what a 14 year old would think an adult's menu looks like. He basically was forced to be like well I like steak and and I don't really like anything else I like macaroni and cheese I'm surprised chicken fingers weren't on here.

Tiramisu is an overrated dessert

The dessert is weird. It's tiramisu. Tiramisu is overrated, by the way.

Being a sports fan is way harder than being a professional player

It's totally different as a fan. It's almost more nerve-wracking. You just feel so hopeless... As a fan, I am just, man, I, uh, I'm, I'm a basket case... being a fan is way harder than being a player.

Skip Bayless won by getting the Virginia Cavaliers to talk about him after the title game

Anytime a championship team talks about an analyst, a troll analyst, they won. Mission accomplished. No matter who it is, no matter what it is that's giving Stephen A. Smith attention, Stephen A. is basking in it.

Aaron Rodgers isn't a malicious teammate, just passive-aggressive

I don't think that Aaron Rodgers is as bad as the article might have made him out to be. I don't think he is a maliciously bad teammate. I think he is very passive-aggressive and will cut someone off probably pretty quickly.

Auburn's loss to Virginia is the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game

Auburn, I would say that might be the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game of all time... hitting three free throws in that situation, that's the shit you do in your backyard, and you miss two out of three, and you're like, all right, redo. He was money on all three. And Auburn, I would say that might be the worst possible way to lose a Final Four game of all time.

Kyle Guy is making a strong case for the Jim Nance Tie Player of the Year

He is making a hard case for the Jim Nance tie player of the year. I think if it's not Kyle Guy, I think even if UVA loses the national championship, Jim Nance is going to find a way to get him that tie.

Kirk Cousins is an average quarterback who doesn't motivate anyone

Kirk Cousins also gave the pregame speech which is perfectly Kirk Cousins. It was, it didn't motivate a single person and I honestly don't think like Michigan State like didn't lose the game as much as Texas Tech was just so fucking good.

Paul Pierce is making himself look overrated by actively claiming he's better than Dwyane Wade

Paul Pierce made the ultimate error where Paul Pierce is the perfect guy that if he just kind of stays under the radar, everyone will say, hey, you know who's better than people give him credit for? Paul Pierce. But when he says he's like actively says he's better than someone, people will roast him... now you've done the reverse. And everyone's like, Paul Pierce was overrated.

The 2006 Suns were better than the 2007 team that everyone thinks should have won the title

Everybody speculates thinking [2007] was the year we should have won the championship... I don't. [The year before that] was better... I was physically, mentally drained because I was going from Sam Cassell to Elden Brand and Chris Kaman. From Kobe to Lamar to Ron Artest... Then I had to go against Dirk. My body was shut. I was tired. I was dead tired.

LeBron James shows his teammates up too much on the court

I think he shows his teammates up a little bit too much on the court. You know, and, you know, that's just part of him. I mean, you know, he kind of feel like he earned that. And I mean, that's him... but that's one of the things I don't like he does.

The Undertaker is the most intimidating person in the world

Undertaker is the most intimidating person. There is nothing more intimidating. When he steps in that ring, it's just magical. He's literally a dead man walking.