Takes

Injured players secretly hope their team loses so their importance is validated

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose... it's the competitive nature in you. I know you're obviously rooting for your teammates. You want them to win, but there's a part of you that always wants to be part of the winning team.

Brad Stevens is the best X's and O's coach I have ever seen

From an X's and O's standpoint, he's one of the best, if not the best I've ever seen. It's like when you watch... the Celtics games, or if you have watched old Butler games, like after timeout plays, we're getting the bucket every time.

The 2010 Duke team was the best coached team in the tournament, not the most talented

Duke was not the most talented team that we played or had the best players that we played throughout the tournament... But they were the best coached and, like, the most disciplined. They were kind of like us.

Alabama's maroon home uniforms look slow and boring

I've always thought that the Alabama maroon uniforms look kind of slow... Whenever they put on the maroons at home... They just look a little slow. They're a little dull. Just everything about Alabama is a little bit boring. It's a factory. It's industrial.

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize... Shaq is kind of a fucking loser like that too, where he can joke... but if you come at him, he's kind of a baby about it.

Tiger Woods is all the way back

Tiger Woods is all the way back. He won the Tour Championship... Tiger Woods still was able to break through to anyone who's even watching football who doesn't even care about golf.

Dont'a Hightower can no longer play linebacker effectively

Hightower can't run like he used to run. And so he's really a defensive end. He can't play linebacker anymore.

Derek Carr is not worth a $20 million salary

I'm not sure that [Derek] Carr's worth the $20 million when you watch him play.

Dak Prescott is not the problem in Dallas, the scheme is

I don't think [Dak Prescott sucks]... I think their scheme is so bad. I think they do nothing to help them. I think if Sean McVay went and spent two weeks in Dallas, they'd probably score 30 points a week.

You cannot win a championship with Jimmy Butler as your number one guy

I would not want to pay [Jimmy Butler] a max deal right now. I don't think that you can win a championship with Jimmy Butler as your one or one a guy.

Derek Carr is an overrated quarterback

Derek Carr's overrated, I think. It's the Raiders. They've been a gong show forever.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick actually hate each other

I do actually believe that Brady and Belichick hate each other. I think they hate each other, but I think that they have such a productive hate for each other. And they're both such like competitive psychos that it just makes each one of them be better at their jobs.

Mike Tomlin is losing the Steelers locker room

We always say Mike Tomlin, he's a player's coach, and he's liable to lose a locker room this year. He's literally losing his locker room. He's got nothing. He's got Bell's gone. Antonio Brown's not showing up for work.

Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers

I was saying, okay, who killed these Pittsburgh Steelers? Was it the Browns? Nope. Was it Patrick Mahomes? Nope. Blake Bortles destroyed the Pittsburgh Steelers by beating them twice last year in their own backyard.

The Buccaneers have a full-blown quarterback controversy

Deshaun Jackson proved our point that you have to keep riding Ryan Fitzpatrick. He said that you have to ride the hot hand. That is a full-blown quarterback controversy as far as I'm concerned.

Route running is the most important skill for a wide receiver

I would say that route running is supreme over every other characteristic of being a receiver. Forget the speed. Forget the height. Forget the vertical. If you're a route runner, you can be so deceptive with everything.

Todd Bowles is a top-ten NFL coach

I still think that Todd Bowles is a top-ten coach. Everybody knows the Dolphins always play the Jets tough.

The Buccaneers cannot sit Ryan Fitzpatrick if he wins in Week 3

Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him? I don't know what's going on with Ryan Fitzpatrick, but I am ready, much like Case Keenum last year where we had to ask ourselves many times... Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him?

Wisconsin is out of the national title race after losing to BYU

The one redeeming quality about Wisconsin Badger football fans is we are realists to a fault. I never, we're not, we're out of the national, you know. It's not going to happen. We could win every game and it still wouldn't happen. You can't lose as 23 and a half point favorites.

The NFL should treat QBs like kickers and prohibit all contact after the ball is out

Just treat the quarterback like a punter or a kicker. Once the ball's out, you can't touch him. Then there's no ambiguity... if you don't touch the ball and the ball's out and you hit the quarterback, it's a foul just like it is for a punter and a kicker.

Joe Flacco stinks and the Ravens need to get him receivers

Joe Flacco. He stinks. They need to get him some receivers.

The excuse for Joe Flacco's entire career will be his lack of receivers

The Ravens just won't go out and get it [receiving help]. That's going to be the excuse for Joe Flacco for his entire career. Okay. Because he doesn't have receivers.

The Jets are overvalued after their Week 1 performance

Is this a major Ravens against the Bills situation where they're [the Jets] overvalued now? Correct. Well, guess what? I'm an idiot, and so actually all of my picks, I'm looking at them all right now, they're all basic picks.

Eli Manning always plays well in Dallas

Doesn't it feel like every time that Eli [Manning] goes to Dallas... I feel like Eli Manning always plays well in Dallas, and I feel like the Sunday night game is when he has, like, the buzz, like, is Eli Manning? Is he back?

The 2018 Pittsburgh Steelers are a 'fucking mess'

The Steelers are a fucking mess. Le'Veon Bell. Antonio Brown. The fact that this is all happening within the first week or two, and they tied the Browns, and Big Ben is already injured, this team is a fucking mess.

Matt Patricia looks like Romeo Crennel Part 7

Matt Patricia, I'm not sure if I'm ready to call it yet. But he looks like the latest. He looks like Romeo Crennel Part 7.

Derek Carr sucks

Chucky is back. And the Raiders are a hot mess. Derek Carr... sucks. He sucks.

Sean McVay is a much better head coach than Jon Gruden

I think what it taught us more than everything is that Sean McVay is just a much better head coach than Jon Gruden. The way that he adjusted. Time is undefeated. The first half was classic Gruden football... And then at halftime when the adjustments get made, McVay obviously knows what he's doing.

The new Sunday Night Football theme 'Game On' is terrible

The Sunday Night Football song... What does NBC think they're fucking doing? I was waiting all day for Sunday night. No, I was waiting all day for waiting all day for Sunday night. And now it's some crappy Carrie Underwood... Game on is the new theme. Terrible.

Fantasy football dehumanizes NFL players

I hate fantasy football. I just think it just dehumanizes the players. I think you put somebody in a place where they're not real, they're not human... this guy blew his fucking ACL out. Nobody really doesn't care about him as a human being just about how many points can he bring to his team.

Fletcher Cox is the best defensive tackle in the NFL

Who's the best defensive tackle in the league right now? And you can't say yourself. Fletcher Cox. Good answer.

NFL preseason quarters should be shortened to eight minutes

I would cut the preseason down to eight minutes a quarter, too. Because it doesn't make sense to have the game so long, 15 minutes when you know that the game doesn't count... I just think they should cut the minutes down because the risk of losing some of your starters versus the reward of them I don't think is worth it.

Dustin Johnson and Paulina Gretzky are officially on the rocks

Polina Gretzky... has scrubbed her entire Instagram of all Dustin Johnson pictures... Which leads many to believe that they are on the rocks. Yeah... I think people that grew up with Instagram, that's just standard operating procedure. Once it's official, once you break up, heaven forbid you get into another relationship and there's still pictures.

The Bears defense is elite and can beat anyone

This Bears defense can beat anyone. [The 20-0 halftime lead] feels like a pivotal era in the Bears history where it's like everything's going to be good from this point forward.

I was wrong: Patrick Mahomes is electric and I'm a believer

One person that I do have to take back my take is Patrick Mahomes. I said Patrick Mahomes stinks and is going to be terrible... I will admit my mistakes. He's electric. No, I'm actually a believer in him now.

Serena Williams was being a baby and stole the moment from Naomi Osaka

It felt to me like she was being a little bit of a baby and she was losing and wanted to kind of make a scene. And it sort of stole the moment from the person who actually did win, Naomi Osaka.

I actually believe in Herm Edwards at Arizona State

We were very wrong about Herm Edwards. I can't believe I'm sitting here saying this, but I think I believe in Herm. Herm Edwards could recruit me.

You can't take a shit at a friend's house if the bathroom is less than 30 'bathroom feet' away

It's actually a formula that you multiply the number of bathrooms times the feet from the couch to the bathroom. And if it's anything under 30, then you can't take a shit there. So if there's a bathroom 20 feet away from the couch, but there's only one bathroom in the whole house, you can't do it.

Matt Ryan stinks

Today is Friday, September 7th and Matt Ryan stinks. Is Matt Ryan hurt? Because he's not good.

The Green Zone is football for morons and I love it

The green zone is essentially when they have the first down to gain and it is third down, they make the field look extra green between the line of scrimmage and the first down marker to let you know how much area they need to cover to get that first down. It is essentially football for morons, which we are, and I love it.

You can't complain about Steve Sarkisian's bad play calling because that's exactly what he is

Everyone's blaming [Steve] Sarkisian for everything just because he sucks at play calling. That's not his fault. That's who he is. If you hire Sark to be your offensive coordinator, you should know what you're going to get, and you can't complain about it.

The Bears were right to trade two first-round picks for Khalil Mack

[Ryan] Pace is the man. He gave up two first-rounders. Put his nuts on the table. But you don't know if they're going to be good anyway. People are always like, why would you give two first rounders? So you draft the first rounder. Do you know he's going to be good right away? Any time you get a chance to get a player like Khalil [Mack], you do it.

Bear Weather is 100% real

Is Bear weather real? Yes, 100%. Nobody wants to play in Chicago past December or November or whatever. Our fans love it. In the winter, they don't care, man. They're going to come out and support no matter what. If you're playing there, you better take advantage of that weather because it's not going to change.

Aaron Rodgers is the toughest quarterback I ever played against

Who's the toughest quarterback you had to play against? Aaron [Rodgers]. His mobility is obviously—his arm is tremendous, but his mobility and they're never in a bad play. You can't trick them.

I want to coach Jalen Ramsey to play hockey

I kind of want to see him [Jalen Ramsey]. I want to teach him. I want to be his coach. I love how cornerbacks talk trash and obviously he was just doing it to stir the pot... but I'm over here like, man, I kind of want to see him try.

The Browns season of Hard Knocks was better than the Rex Ryan Jets season

Listen, this is the best season of Hard Knocks. This was better than the Rex Ryan season.

I've never been more confident in the Khalil Mack trade than I am seeing Hue Jackson dislike it

I've never felt more confident in the Khalil Mack trade than I did when Hue Jackson saw the news and was like, oh, that's a lot. That's too many draft picks.

Jeans are the weirdest thing a football coach can wear

I actually think jeans are the weirdest thing a football coach can wear because football coaches, they either are in sweatpants or full suit. There is no in-between. It's actually the way to tell the difference between normal human beings and football coaches is if you see someone wearing jeans, you're like, that's a civilian.

Big Baller Brand is a better investment than Nike or Adidas because it is privately owned

Nike stock down because the Kaepernick stuff obviously, Adidas stock down. You know what stock's not down? Big Baller Brand because it's still privately owned. That's how you do it. Big Baller Brand's about to have a windfall from this.

I like to root for excellence and the inevitable winner

I like the Red Sox and I like the Yankees. I like the storyline and I like teams that are great. I like excellence. I root for the inevitable. My brother Chad is a longtime Browns fan and Bengals fan and he just dwells in his misery. He's the exact opposite of me in that way. I like people who are good at what they do.