Takes

The Vikings have reached Team of Destiny status

I am officially a Case Keenum believer... the Vikings have now acquired Team of Destiny status. After last week's win [Minneapolis Miracle], that is a win that you only get if you have a horseshoe up your ass.

Rob Gronkowski is the greatest tight end and greatest mismatch in the history of football

Gronk is... He's unguardable. He's unguardable. He's the greatest mismatch in the history of football. He's the greatest tight end in the history of football.

Jeff Fisher should be an NFL General Manager

Fisher's eye for talent. That's where I was going with this. To me, he should be a GM... He has built phenomenal – like the Rams team, you could see, has got talent... Aaron Donald, Quinn, Alec Ogletree... All those guys are Fisher guys.

Adam Schefter covering the NBA has become a distraction

And this one is for our little pee boy... Adam Schefter, who was scooped on the Todd Haley news when he was on the Le Batard show talking about the NBA. Yeah, has the NBA become a distraction for Adam Schefter?

The NBA should allow players to fight on the court like in hockey

This is why the NBA needs to let the players fight on the court, like in hockey. Because at least you get to monetize it. At least we get to see it happen. Now we're just left imagining.

Ben McAdoo is a perfect hire for the Cleveland Browns coaching staff

The Cleveland Browns are officially back because they look like they're going to hire Ben McAdoo, offensive coordinator. I can't think of a better move than the guy who basically made every wrong decision in New York... You're going to fit in perfectly, Ben.

The New York Giants job is the most attractive head coaching vacancy in the NFL

Would you rather be in the NFC North, the AFC South, or the NFC East? I think right now I'd rather be in the NFC East. [The New York Giants]... Now, do you have a quarterback in that team? [Eli Manning]... How high is your draft pick? Pretty high. [No. 2]... I think you guys are starting to answer your own questions.

The tunnel scuffle with the Rockets was just locker room talk and boys being boys

I can't imagine what everybody back in town was thinking when they heard that is what was happening... Continuity error. No, you're right. It was just a boys will be boys situation... Locker room talk. Yeah, exactly.

The Divisional Round should be renamed the 'Best Fucking Weekend of Football of the Year'

I just nominate, we call it the best fucking weekend of football of the year.

Steve Sarkeesian being hired by the Falcons cost Georgia the national championship

If Steve Sarkeesian hadn't been hired by the Falcons, Georgia would have won the national championship because he still would be in the booth for Alabama. And the Falcons probably would have been a decent team this year because they wouldn't have had him calling the same 10 plays over and over.

Tony Romo is a good announcer but he talks way too much

Let the fucking moments breathe. All he does is talk. He talks the entire broadcast... I hate how much some people think he's the perfect analyst... If he just let it breathe a little bit, he would be everything everyone says that he already is.

The divisional round is the best weekend of football

I would like to contend that the divisional round is the best weekend of football. Saturday and Sunday. It is a full weekend of football, and you're going to miss this. Actually, just one week when there are just two games left.

The Olympic hockey committee ruining the games by banning NHL players is a joke

It's a joke. You can't. The NHL asked if they could at least show the videos from the Olympics, which you can't do. They wanted the NHL logos on the board. They wouldn't do that. So at some point it's both sides, but it does suck for the game.

The NHL does a terrible job of marketing the league

I feel like the NHL just doesn't do a good job of marketing the league. It's so goofy. I don't understand it. You do stuff that really kind of confuses the casual fan. They haven't talked about [the All-Star Game] at all.

Bears fans should be excited about Matt Nagy and Mitch Trubisky

You should be so fucking excited just for what Mitch Trubisky's going to be able to do now. It is, like, it's really going to be, I think, a mixture of an old-school West Coast offense and a spread system. He's creative, he's smart. I think being a head coach, you have to be a really good leader. I think he's got that.

Jalen Ramsey is the best cornerback in the NFL

I think right now Jalen Ramsey's the best corner in the NFL. I mean, Calais Campbell could probably be defensive player of the year. That defense is legit, right? Just watching them, they seem like one of the best defenses I've seen in the last five, six years.

I am fully on board with Tua Tagovailoa

I've got Tua fever. Yeah. I am fully on board with Tua... I think it's the Hawaiian aspect. Like Hawaiian people are just cooler than everyone else. That's just a straight up fact.

LaVar Ball is disrupting everything as a small business owner

I love every second of it. LaVar Ball pisses off. Because it's like he's disrupting everything. He's created his own shoe company. He's going to create his own league. Like everything he does is just a small business owner just saying fuck you to the big guys. And guess what? People want to watch.

The Illuminati is not real

Here's my take. I don't think the Illuminati is real. I've actually been doing a lot of thinking about this today. If the Illuminati was real, they would be so powerful that they would eventually sue somebody who came after [them]... If they were actually real, they would shut that shit down.

I wouldn't have the same impact in today's NFL

I don't think I have the same impact in today's NFL because, like I said, I needed 25 carries. I needed 30 carries... a lot of teams have gone to pass first and run the ball second, and they've kind of diminished the running back position to a degree. So certain teams I think I will still have tremendous success on, but certain teams I think I would be like James Harrison. Trade me. Get rid of me.

Ben Roethlisberger was the best quarterback I played with

I've got to say Ben Roethlisberger. No question about it... Ben had that 'it' that most players don't have. I mean, you can be a good player, but you just don't have that 'it' thing. He's had that 'it'.

Vontaze Burfict is a dirty but good football player

I think he is dirty, but he's a good player. That's the crazy part. He's a good football player, but he does have some antics that come with what he does... I think he's one of those players that he's a good player if he didn't come with all the things he comes with, I think he'd be an even better player and more respected.

Bears fans watch football to avoid being nagged, so we should call Matt Nagy 'Nagy' (with a soft A)

The debate is, how do we pronounce [Matt Nagy's] last name? It's technically Nagy, but we're going to go with Nagy... we watch football so that we don't get nagged. I mean, if you want to get nagged, there's women for that, right? ... Don't give me 'Nag-y'. Give me 'Nay-gy'.

Andy Reid is one of the best coaches in the NFL

I actually think Andy Reid's one of the best coaches in the NFL. But how long he's been coaching in the NFL, that this meltdown didn't even register on the Andy Reid meltdown scale.

Marcus Mariota is better than Jameis Winston

Marcus Mariota impressed me. That's the guy I believe in. That's the guy who I've, whenever someone says Jameis Winston versus Marcus Mariota, my answer is always Marcus Mariota.

Jared Goff is an elite quarterback

Jared Goff, elite quarterback. Yes. Goff and off. I'm ready for that.

Sony Michel is the bell cow of the Georgia backfield

Either one of those senior running backs. I'm probably a little bit more to Sony just because I think he's got a little bit more extra. You know what I mean?

The National Championship between Alabama and Georgia will be the most physical of the playoff era

I don't know if you'll see a game of this magnitude be as physical as these two teams are going to make it. That's what they both pride themselves on.

Georgia is the best coaching job in America

For the last five or six years, I've said Georgia's the best job in America. And the person who convinced me of that is Nick Saban. He always thought that Georgia was the best job in America if you really got it rolling because there's so much talent in the state.

Baker Mayfield is the best quarterback in the draft

Baker Mayfield. I take Baker Mayfield over any of them. I was the same way with Deshaun Watson last year. ... That dude, he operates as quick as the good NFL quarterbacks when you watch the guys you watch on Sunday.

Bill Belichick was ready to move on from Tom Brady to Jimmy Garoppolo

I do totally think that Bill Belichick was ready to go to Jimmy Garoppolo this offseason. I absolutely do. That makes perfect sense because even if Tom Brady wins the Super Bowl, Belichick's one mark is that he always gets rid of guys before they start to decline.

Wild Card Weekend is the second best football weekend of the year

This is the second best football weekend of the year. I might even say first best because we do have the college football finals on Monday.

Success relaxes teams like a martini, leading to Super Bowl hangovers

Teddy Atlas always used to say success is like a martini. It relaxes you. And it's true. You think that you can go into the next season and be exactly the same as you were, and you're going to glide through those games, but everybody else has looked at you. Everybody else is playing their best against you.

The sun is a keyboard cowboy and a bitch

So the sun's like basically a little bitch, like a keyboard cowboy. Or the sun is just... We show up to its grill, and we're like, hey, say something to my face. And the sun's like, no, we're good here.

The Bengals bringing back Marvin Lewis is a strategy to maintain relevancy through being a running joke.

The Bengals... Bringing Marvin Lewis back and continuing his contract and continuing him coaching, it's almost like a running joke they've created themselves that gives them relevancy where everyone can be like, Marvin Lewis jokes. So you at least have an identity that everyone can make fun of Marvin Lewis.

Jim Harbaugh is not on the hot seat despite criticism from Amani Toomer.

I am not putting [Harbaugh] on the hot seat, but Amani Toomer put him on the hot seat... Imani, you kind of lose everything here by thinking Paris Hilton's a supermodel. That's a big problem... Not on the hot seat. You're on the hot seat, Imani Toomer.

The College Football Playoff should be an eight-team system with five conference champions and three wildcards.

I try to get the easiest, simplest solution... And it's five conference champs and three wild cards. And everything would matter that much more because the conference championships would matter... and the three wild cards make those valuable.

The Browns should take Saquon Barkley with the number one pick and Baker Mayfield with the fourth pick.

If I'm the Browns, I am taking, with my number one pick, I'm taking Saquon Barkley, and with the fourth pick, I'm taking Baker Mayfield, putting those two in my backfield and saying, good luck, try to stop us.

Sam Darnold should enter the NFL draft immediately because he is not developing further at USC.

And Darnold, there's reports now he might go back to USC, which I don't think is a good idea. Because I think if he wants to develop, he doesn't need to go back to USC to develop because clearly he's not getting it there. Go to the NFL and start learning your craft and getting paid for it.

Baker Mayfield has the fewest red flags among the 2018 draft's top quarterbacks.

I'm telling you, Baker Mayfield has the least red flags of all of them from what I've seen on film watching him throw.

A scorned Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports

One game was exciting beyond belief... And then you basically watch Alabama do the old cement mixer on Clemson and just kick the shit out of them for 60 minutes. And proved our theory that a scorned Nick Saban and upset Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports.

Joe Flacco honestly sucks

Joe Flacco sucks. Yeah, he's not good. Honestly, he sucks. Yes, he hasn't been good. I was just hoping for Danny [Woodhead]... and your hair.

Joe Flacco sucks — he's not elite, he's not good, he honestly just sucks

Joe Flacco sucks. He's not good. He's elite, maybe. No, no — honestly, he sucks.

The Seahawks championship window is closed

I define the window off their defense, not off Russell Wilson. And I think their defense is closed. I think they're going to lose a lot of guys.

Toughness and grit can be acquired like a callus on the human body

Absolutely, you can improve and become better at toughness. It's a talent, but it can be acquired too. I think of it like building a callus, just like the human body. What a tremendous organism. It actually craves contact... much like conditioning can be improved, so can that callus of toughness and grit also be acquired or improved. You've got a blister. It's soft. It's got fluid in it. It's going to break, but the great thing about it, when it does break, it'll callus over even stronger and harder and better.

I need the sport of football like some people need ice cream or a drug

You know, people are going to be better at things that they love, right? I mean, you're going to work harder at it... Some people need the sport of football. I would put myself in that category. No, I do. I love it... Some people like and need ice cream. You know, they want to eat it every day. I look at football like that. I need it. I need football. It's like a drug, yeah.

The Cubs would not have won the World Series without the Game 7 rain delay

Do you think the Cubs win the World Series if that rain delay doesn't happen? No. I did not look like the most confident... i doubt we win without first of all if you blow a lead late in any game it's hard to then come back and win... the guys were shell-shocked as we all were and that rain delay... catching a little glimpse of our players meeting and it was awesome... I don't think we win the World Series without that, but you can't prove it.

Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world

Think of it as a solar. Solar energy is the biggest no-brainer in the history of the world. Are you kidding? It's so sunny out there. More solar energy hits the Earth every day... I'm choosing the sun. I'm choosing solar power.

You should never rank, rate, or compare championships, concerts, or children

What I've learned over the course of these now 64 years, never rank, rate, or compare. Championships, concerts, children, coaches, or congratulations. Just enjoy them all.

Switching from quarterback to wide receiver was like discovering my true self

I got to college and, you know, there's a lot of new things... you try some new things, try new positions in college... I was out on the field, and I caught a ball. Yeah, it felt right. I wasn't wearing gloves. Skin on skin. You always remember your first ball.