Takes

If Matt Nagy had utilized Justin Fields' running ability, he would still have a coaching job

I'm gonna say something really crazy. If Matt Nagy was smart enough and he had run Justin Fields like they're doing the last few games, he'd probably still have a job.

I would trade Zach Wilson for Sam Ehlinger right now

I'm in both holes. Very deep. ... Then Sam Ehlinger would probably go to the Jets. Give, let's give Zach. ... As a guy who doesn't throw interceptions, that's the kind of guy you want as your quarterback.

Matt Patricia is to blame for Mac Jones' struggles because the offense was designed for Bailey Zappy

I think the situation is much worse. I think it's Matt Patricia's fault... Mac Jones may have started in taking all the starting reps and practice, but the type of offense that the starting offense was running in that first drive was really a Bailey Zappy offense... that scheme was very different to anything they were running last year. And with that, that's because they were playing to Bailey Zappy's skill.

The Yankees are a bad franchise

Congratulations the Red Sox, the Phillies, the Cubs and the Nationals have all gone to the World Series and the Yankees have not... That's a bad franchise. No hiding from it. It's a bad franchise.

I will buy Colts season tickets if Jim Irsay forces Dan Snyder to sell the Commanders

I've decided, you know, we talked about like, I would become a Colts fan if Jim Irsay was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yep. I'm gonna buy season tickets to the Colts next year. Wow. If, if, if Jim Irsay can get down out the fuck out, I'm gonna be a Colts season ticket holder.

The Astros should start cheating again to beat the Yankees in the ALCS

If I'm the Astros, I start cheating again. Like I want, I want them to just beat the fuck outta the Yankees and then to have the Yankees just looking around like what the, what the hell just happened to us? I want spin rates to be off the chart this series.

The Dodgers' 2020 World Series title doesn't count

The Dodgers have not won anything. We can We agree The bubble, the bubble championship didn't, didn't count.

Turnovers increase the likelihood of succeeding on a 4th down or 2-pt conversion via 'vibe' multipliers

Basically the percentage of converting a two point conversion or on fourth down basically gets increased depending on what type of turnover happens before that possession... after an interception, a fourth down conversion or a two point conversion increases by let's say 110%.

Travis Kelce could score four touchdowns every game if the Chiefs really wanted him to

I feel like Travis Kelce, if the Chiefs really, really wanted to, he could score four touchdowns every single game.

I could be a successful NFL coach by 'coaching on vibes'

In my head, everyone's like, thing is so crazy. Why don't we just go for 10 points? Because then they can't beat us with a touchdown and a field goal. If we were rolling we should just keep rolling. [Big Cat: Billy would always coach on vibes].

The roughing the passer call against Tom Brady was the worst call in NFL history

I think that roughing the passer call sucked. Do you think that was the worst call in NFL history? I think it might be the worst call in NFL history.

If James Madison finishes undefeated, I am declaring them National Champions

If we do go undefeated, I'm going to declare that to be a national championship. Have to. First year five games into playing an actual FBS schedule and James Madison is now ranked 25 in the nation. My hands are tied.

Nathaniel Hackett is booty cheeks

Nathaniel Hackett is booty cheeks. And if we didn't say that, then we're frauds. I will trash us for not trashing Nathaniel Hackett... he is, he wanted to talk about booty cheeks.

Commanders vs. Bears will lowkey be a banger of a game

I feel like next week Low Key might be a banger of a game. Oh, you never know. Cause these are the games that people are always like, it's gonna suck. Let's not watch... and everybody was like, Oh, we're not gonna watch this game. It was one of the greatest games ever.

Eating 14 hot dogs in 12 hours is not a lot of food

When you say 14 hot dogs in 12 hours isn't that much. It's not. That's a fat ass statement. Not that you're a fat ass, but... it's really just dealing with Stu Feiner all the time.

George Kittle should receive fantasy points for run blocking

A lot of people are like, Hey, when are they gonna get Kittle involved? Kittle is involved in the run game and I think he actually everything, I think George Kittle should get fantasy points for run block. Because he's one guy that does make that much of a difference.

Steve Sarkisian will be on the hot seat if Texas loses the Red River Showdown

Sark definitely could be on the hot seat if he loses this game [Red River Showdown]. [PFT: You think so?] I mean they've they've they played Alabama close then they lose to Texas Tech if they lose to if they lose to Oklahoma, people are gonna start asking questions.

Losing a preseason game to an NBL team is bad for Chris Paul's legacy

The sun's lost their first games. Good for us. They lost an NBL team, an Australian league team... How did Chris Paul do though legacy wise? [Hank:] I mean, that's bad for your legacy. [Big Cat:] I'm gonna count that as another 3-1 lead blown.

Trevor Lawrence is a bad weather quarterback

Can Trevor Lawrence not play in rain?... I'm just excited cuz we can start a narrative, a new narrative of bad weather guy where we can just bet against Trevor Lawrence.

Frank Reich is an example of 'height privilege' in coaching

I think that Frank Reich is an example of height privilege in this country. I think if he was short, if he looked like Matt Rhule, I think he would've already been fired... the gray hair just gives him a gravitas. He looks studious.

Jared Goff has a Hall of Fame case based on high-scoring game involvement

Jared Goff has now been part of three of the top 20 highest scoring games. NFL history... That's pretty cool... quarterback, their job is a score points.

Jeff Bezos should invent an anti-concussion helmet for the NFL

Why hasn't Jeff Bezos tried to invent a machine that can definitively tell you if someone is concussed? Like a helmet that definitively makes it so you can't be concussed? He's invested in football now. He really has gotta put his money where his mouth is. Save football, Jeff Bezos.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

I can survive for three weeks on the streets as a stray dog

How long do you think you could survive on the streets? Like a stray? Three weeks. I'm a warrior. I survived out there.

War should be replaced by a 'Space Olympics' where countries compete to blow up asteroids for mining rights

We drop so many bombs on Earth every day. Why don't we just throw all those bombs and blow something up and develop a point system and compete. Make it like a Space Olympics. And we like compete with like other countries and space programs. And the winner gets like, I don't know, mining rights to certain natural resources.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

Being a field goal holder is an easy job that even freshmen can do

I've been a holder. Really? Yeah. When I was like third string quarterback. It's an easy job. If you're a decent, if you're like can catch like they put like freshman as holders.

Matt Nagy will ruin the Kansas City Chiefs from within

If I had to guess, I would say that [Eric Bieniemy] and Patrick Mahomes's relationship is probably not on the best terms right now... because they got [Matt Nagy] who's now the assistant quarterbacks coach in Kansas City. So he's probably... telling Patrick Mahomes, like, you should hear what Bieniemy says to you about in the coaches' meetings. He mother fucks you. He definitely will ruin that franchise from within. Absolutely. He probably called the fake field goal.

Jeff Bezos should buy the Bears and sign Lamar Jackson

If I were Jeff Bezos, I would buy a team... I would buy the bears. I'd just walk up to the McCaskeys and say, 'Hey, listen old people, here's 10 billion. I'm buying the bears.'... Now I'm gonna give Lamar Jackson the richest contract in NFL history, plus I'm gonna throw in like a 10th of a 10th of a percent of equity... and I'm just gonna fuck up the entire process for everyone else. Then you just get a great team instantly.

New York is a bad sports town because Yankees fans celebrate team records too much

This is embarrassing that [Yankees fans] are celebrating this hard when they just went down from four to three in the bottom of the ninth. Are the Yankees a bad sports town? Yes... I just don't get all the hoopla around it... Whatever, it's a team record. He's going for a team record.

The Vikings are a bad sports town for not retiring Randy Moss's number

Minnesota, what the fuck are you doing? Not retiring Randy Moss's number... The fact that you have someone a, a tight end wearing 84, Randy Moss's number. I don't wanna say it Hank, but bad sports town. That's a bad sports town move to not retire one of the greatest wide receivers of all time.

Magnus Carlsen is a 'baby back bitch' for quitting the chess tournament

And then they, they, they finally have another matchup yesterday and Magnus quits after one move. He retires. And he disconnects his entire computer. I might not be this goat thing might not be working out. He might, he might be baby back bitch.

The Beyond Meat COO bit a man's nose because he craved real animal protein

My hot seat is beyond meat. The COO. Yes. Of beyond meat after the Arkansas, Missouri game bit a guy's nose in a parking lot. And that's just a class example of a guy craving real animal protein.

Justin Herbert is to blame for the pick-six because he should have known Gerald Everett was gassed

I'm gonna blame Justin Herbert for that pick-six and not [Gerald] Everett, because he should have known that Everett was tired and asking out of the game and he should have gone to somebody else. If Justin Herbert's the guy that he's supposed to be... then he needs to be able to make the decision to go somewhere else with that ball and not to your receiver who's puking all over himself.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

The Commanders have a top three receiving core in the NFL

I think about the Commanders... I think they have a top three receiving core in the NFL. I think it's like, it's that fucking good.

Seahawks fans deserved to lose the SuperSonics

The Seahawks take, which was correct... I think what people got really mad about is when you said like you deserve to lose the Sonics. Yeah. That Joe sports... because the Sonics like just straight up, they left, they fucked over the city of Seattle.

Andrew Luck was a 'busted chaw' and is an overrated quarterback

Andrew luck busted chaw, badge for town. Okay. Fact game over and debate. I've had people fucking bitching and complaining... Andrew luck was great? Even though he was four and four in the playoffs. And then they're like, oh, it was offensive line. They had a great offensive line and he quit.

The Packers franchise is crumbling

Aaron Rogers hates his wide receivers. He hates them... I'm living in the moment and this moment is very fun. The bears are, want to know the Packers are on one and that franchise is crumbling.

Texas is 'back' following their performance against Alabama

I'm counting Texas's back because their defense played better than they played... And if Quinn Ewers doesn't get hurt, they win that game. I'm convinced of it.

The Sun Belt is the best conference in sports

The Sunbelt is the best conference in America. Yep. Sunbelt east... Best conference in sports.

Dabo Swinney would be a serial killer or a Scientology leader if not for football

If it weren't for football, like Dabo Swinney would be a serial killer. Like he's, he's unhinged. He's an unhinged human being. He's not a well-adjusted human being... He probably would take over for David Miscavige and just be the next fucking Scientology guy.

The Kansas City Chiefs will miss the playoffs entirely in 2022

Chiefs 10 and 7 do not make the playoffs. Okay. So fuck the Chiefs. They're the most overrated team ever. They suck.

Gene Chizik should be fired as North Carolina's defensive coordinator

Gene Chizik, like what? He, I don't even know. I, you have to fire him. The fact that it happened [giving up 40 in a quarter] and then the next day Jackson state... shut down [FAMU] and like UNC gave up 24 points to them.

Georgia is better than they were last year

I think Georgia is better than last year's team. I came into this season, thinking Alabama and Ohio State, one of them is going to win the national title... After what I saw on Saturday, I suddenly think that Georgia's probably right up there with those two.

Drake Maye is an upgrade over Sam Howell

I think Drake Maye, their new quarterback, is really good... I think that he's just, he's probably an upgrade over Sam Howell, no offense. I know that he's with your Commanders now, but I think that they've got a better quarterback now.

Cade Klubnik is a future Hall of Famer

This kid for Clemson is a future Hall of Famer... I've seen five passes from him. Hall of Famer, talking gold jacket folks. Where were you when we said this? [Cade] Klubnik. He's legit.

Patrick Mahomes will regret the 10-year contract he signed with the Chiefs

As first reported on Pardon My Take, I think the day that Patrick Mahomes signed his contract, he's going to regret that contract in like three years.