Takes

I don't like Jay Feeley and think he's the worst

I don't like Jay Feeley. I don't like Jay Feeley... I hated him before he got on TV and sounded awful... [He] comes in and goes, 'tough kick here.' Okay, thanks, Jay. 'Yeah, looks like a little wind.' Yeah, way to go, Jay.

Andrew Luck apologizing to defenders is a mind game

He says, like, 'good hit.' I think it's a mind game. Keep him friendly. That's what I try to do... Try to keep on the good side. But Andrew's at that point where I need to do that. Andrew doesn't need to do that... Gotta be the only guy in the league that does it.

Chris Boswell's failed onside kick was an attempt to become a meme

They were doing it to become a meme instead of winning a football game. Bang. Maybe that's the thought. I don't know why you would do it. I don't know why else you would do it... I attempted it a couple of days in practice and thought I'd throw my ACL.

Gladiator fights to the death would draw huge ratings

If there were to be actual gladiator fights on television... I'd watch. I think it would draw huge ratings. Like, yeah, fight to the death. Someone's got to die. Someone's got to die... Someone's got to die within 10 minutes. Or else they both die.

Barack Obama would be an electric Sunday Night Football announcer

I think he [Obama] would make a good Sunday night football announcer. You team him up with Peyton Manning. I think he'd be electric in the booth.

Calling Ryan Tannehill a game manager is a huge compliment

Ryan Tannehill, if you walk up to Ryan Tannehill, I'm like, hey, Ryan. Your game manager, he's got to say thank you, right? Yep. Absolutely. That's a great, great thing to be for Ryan Tannehill at this point in his career.

Hillary Clinton is the Dan Marino of politics because she lacks the clutch gene

I think we need to start talking to Hillary Clinton in the light of does she have the clutch gene because she's big time loser she's taken a couple big l's on a national stage recently yeah um does she lack it she's the Dan Marino of politics that's a great great analogy

NFL officials have a sweet system where poor performance leads to more pay and training

My cool throne is NFL officials, and the reason why is because everybody's complaining about them, and the NFL officials have such a sweet system set up that the answer to poor NFL officiating is to make them full-time employees. So everyone's saying, hey, what are these guys doing out here just being part-time? Let's pay them more.

NFL ratings are down because the league is in a transition period for superstar quarterbacks

One is it seems to be a league a little bit in transition, right? So like Peyton Manning is no longer, obviously no longer playing Brady missed the first four weeks. There's not really, there's just not a ton of like high profile must see quarterbacks slash figures... Carson Wentz and Dak are good, but just not quite the same people that draw in, like, the average viewer.

The Seahawks' strategy is to force referees to call pass interference every single time until they stop calling it

The Seahawks do this. This is what they do. They basically make the refs call calls in big moments in the game... They basically say we're going to grab and hold and have pass interference and force the refs to call it.

Jared Goff isn't playing for the Rams yet because he simply isn't ready or good enough

There's only two ways that that makes sense. One is they're crazy... The other way is He's not ready. Like, coaches always play... if Bryce Petty was a better quarterback than Ryan Fitzpatrick, he would be playing.

The Raiders are officially back.

The Raiders. The Raiders are officially back. And it's fun. The Raiders are like Notre Dame or maybe even the Yankees where everything's more fun when they're back.

Being ranked outside the top four in the College Football Playoff provides motivation for the Washington Huskies.

I actually think that it's going to provide us some good motivation being outside of the top four. Don't let the kids get complacent. Don't let them start reading all the headlines. Flip the script on them a little bit. Control our own destiny.

Chicago is the 'Parade King' city with the best fans in the world.

All I know is that we parade cocked everyone else... Chicago Parade Kings, best fans... Chicago one-upped it [Tampa Bay].

Steve Bartman should decide when he returns to the spotlight, not the media.

The media has a weird fascination with getting Steve Bartman back involved with the Cubs now. It's so stupid... Steve Bartman gets to decide if he wants to come back, not the other way around.

Game 7 of the 2016 World Series was the greatest baseball game ever played

It was maybe the greatest Game 7 I've ever watched. I mean, I'm not going to say any sport, but definitely in baseball. It was so exciting. It had a little bit of everything.

The Cubs must name Jason Heyward captain next season for his rain delay speech

Jason Heyward had the greatest pump-up speech. $184 million speech is what Theo [Epstein] paid for. A players-only meeting during a rain delay. That's what you give the guy the big bucks... you've got to make Jason Heyward captain.

NFL ratings are down because of poor game matchups, not boycotts

The numbers on the big games... they're down dramatically. But those have been crap games this year. The matchups are horrible... Tennessee and Jacksonville is not going to do great ratings... people aren't turning off those games. They're not watching the national games. They're not watching the crap games.

Invented 'Baldinger's cat' — a quarterback is both elite and not elite at the same time, with Joe Flacco as the perfect example

I came up with a theory. It's known as Baldinger's cat. It's not Schrodinger, it's Baldinger's cat. It's when a quarterback is both elite and not elite at the same time. Joe Flacco — perfect example. Baldinger's cat.

The Marlins Man curse has officially moved to the city of Cleveland

The Marlins Man curse on the city of Cleveland just kicked in last night. He called his shot. He said, guess what? If the Indians lose, they are cursed. They're cursed because they were rude to me three years ago... and they don't have seats that you can see on television behind home plate.

Butch Jones is on the hot seat at Tennessee

My Hot Seat's Butch Jones. South Carolina took the big L to them. He's had a rough season. They had some national championship hopes. They've lost a lot of games, so I think he's on the hot seat.

Jay Cutler is on the Cool Throne for the foreseeable future in Chicago

Well, considering the fact that Brian Hoyer is out for the year, Connor Shaw is out for the year, Matt Barkley, who knew that he was in the NFL until he came in for a couple plays, I think Jay Cutler is cool throne for a while here. Finally, some continuity at quarterback for Chicago.

Connor McDavid is the best hockey player in the last 10-15 years

Connor McDavid, for all you hockey guys out there, is probably the best player in the last 10, 15 years. I mean, he's like a Sidney Crosby, Ovechkin-type guy, so he's exciting to watch.

The Ottawa Senators are a lock to hit the over every night

You need to start betting the over on the Ottawa Senators every night. I'm talking hammering. They're not great defensively, but they can score goals. They are commonly in like 4-3, 5-3 games.

The Raiders are officially back as the 'Bad Boy' team of the NFL

I have the Bad Boy Raiders are back. The team of the 70s. Silver and black... They set a record for most penalties in a game... Al Davis bad boys are in town.

NFL ratings are down primarily because the prime time games have been poor

One reality is the games haven't been very good... You're going to have some crappy primetime games. But even Jaguars-Titans... the problem is, more often than not, the primetime games have been crap.

The NFL should adopt the college football overtime system to eliminate ties

I wouldn't have a problem with them ripping up the current overtime system and just going with the college approach. That works. The games are exciting. And I don't think anyone's ever complained that the college system is not a good system.

Stephen Jones and Jason Garrett make the big decisions in Dallas while letting Jerry Jones be the face of the franchise

When it's time to make big decisions, it's Stephen Jones and Jason Garrett that make the decisions and they otherwise let Jerry think he's running the show.

The Jaguars vs Titans Color Rush game is my favorite game of the year

Titans versus Jaguars. It is my favorite game of the year, and it did not disappoint in terms of the suck that we are accustomed to.

Coach O is a 'wild dandelion spore' with no relation to any coaching tree

I don't think that Coach O is a member of any tree. Coach O is a wild dandelion spore that just grows in the wild on his own. He has no relation to Pete Carroll.

NBA players don't start playing real defense until March

Oh, playing defense? Oof, gosh, what, March? I think when the tournament starts and then everybody's like, wow, they play so hard, that's when we're like, okay, now we've got to step it up.

I don't wash my apples because tap water builds immunity

I can't say that I do [wash apples], no. I subscribe to the thought that if you drink tap water, you're just building up immunity to germs.

It's not time to hit the panic button on the Warriors yet

I said that it was going to take some time for chemistry to develop. Only one ball between the whole team. So I'd say that it's not time to hit the panic button yet, but we're getting close.

The Jaguars Color Rush uniforms are ugly as hell

This is what Blake [Bortles] said about his color rush... 'I think they're ugly as hell.'... Just because you're wearing boiled piss colored jerseys doesn't mean that you need to say it out in public.

The Cubs are in deep trouble in the World Series because they got shut out in Game 1

I think you guys are in trouble. I thought if you guys could at least hit, get a couple runs, keep the momentum going of your bats, then even if you lost, you'd be in a good spot. But the fact that you got shut out, it's not good.

The take that the NFL 'sucks' right now is becoming too mainstream and annoying

My hot seat: People who say the NFL sucks. I'm done with it. We were kind of early to it... Now it's become a little too mainstream. People saying the Seahawks-Cardinals game sucked. That game was amazing... I still love the NFL. I'm sick of it. I'm back on Roger Goodell's side.

The Cubs celebration for winning the NL pennant was maybe a little too much

I actually do think that the celebration was maybe a little too much, to be honest. I feel like, I mean, it was an unbelievable night, a night I'll never forget, but there definitely was a feeling like this is the greatest moment when still got the World Series to win.

NFL coaches only work out to prevent stress-induced heart attacks, not to get in shape

A very football guy move, they're not working out to get in shape. They're just working out so they don't have a heart attack. It's purely to stop the heart attack. Get through the day. Yes. Stress heart attack. Everyone knows you cure a stress heart attack by going on the elliptical for 45 minutes.

Trevor Bauer's teammates are likely talking behind his back about his drone injury

I think they're more mad than they would lead on. Like they would probably say, Hey man, nothing, no big deal, but then you get the guys behind closed doors that are probably talking a lot of shit about him.

The 2016 WNBA season was destined to be Candace Parker's year

If you follow the WNBA, you knew this was Candace Parker's season. The Los Angeles Sparks are your WNBA champions.

The Cubs bats woke up because they started playing 'small ball' like Mike Scioscia

I think that the Cubs won because they finally listened to me and started playing some small ball. It's called foreplay, and Joe Maddon finally figured out you've got to get to first before you get to home plate. And instead of hitting home runs, they finally learned to build a rally with some bunts, some stolen bases. I call it socialism for Mike Scioscia.

Matt Barkley only has an NFL job because he is 6'3" and looks good in shorts

Matt Barkley is still in the nfl proving my theory that if you're like six three played at a big time college and look good in shorts someone will give you a job

Cleveland and Milwaukee are equal as cities

I mean, they're pretty similar, like smaller cities, easy to get around, no traffic, which I like. Power rank them? They're like equal. Equal right now. 1A, 1B.

Team Australia went into the 2016 Olympics believing they could beat Team USA

I think we went in believing we could beat them [Team USA]. And I think we showed that, you know, we had the opportunities to. And we're a team that had played together for a lot of years. And I think that counts for something.

LeBron James is indestructible

I think he's [LeBron James] indestructible. No one's indestructible. I think LeBron is indestructible.

The Cubs are not dead

The Cubs are not dead. We're not panicking. But they did get the shit kicked out of them by the Dodgers in L.A. Not much else to say. Rich Hill was fantastic. You just got to wait for the bats to come alive.

Joe Maddon belongs in the American League

Two things about Joe Maddon. Number one, he's obviously an American League manager... he clearly belongs in the AL.

Small ball wins in the playoffs

Cubs were a tremendous – they are a tremendous power-hitting team. Are they not? Small ball wins in the playoffs. Bunt, steal bases. Bunt, repeat. Contact, repent, repeat.

Mike Brown is the ultimate hot seat guy and a sacrificial lamb for the Warriors

Mike Brown's the ultimate hot seat guy. And I actually like this move by the Warriors, by Steve Kerr. Got to have a hot seat guy around. So if Kevin Durant starts to falter, if this team, this super team doesn't do so well, Mike Brown's going to be the first to go. Also, Mike Brown is a sacrificial lamb. He stumbles out of bed every morning on the hot seat.

UConn football doesn't move the needle

UConn football, I don't give a fuck about. I'll just be honest about that. UConn football doesn't move the needle here.