Takes

Philadelphia fans will end up rooting for 'Passing Paisan' Tommy DeVito on Christmas

Tommy is gonna go into Philly and that crowd's gonna be rooting so hard for my guy. And they're gonna say, Hey, this guy, he's a good guy. Standup guy. He's one of us. We can't root against our guy. The passing paisan. I love that. And that's what I love about the city. Philadelphia.

Guinness is a soup

Guinness is a soup. It's soup. Guinness. And it is a soup. It's barley soup.

Watching Russell Wilson fail in prime time has become fascinating theater

That Russell Wilson clip that I somehow missed of him saying Bronco country, let's ride after the loss... Man I'm actually, I'm, I'm zagging on everyone being like, this sucks that we have to watch the Broncos and I kind of wanna watch Russell Wilson just continue to fail on prime time. It's fun. It's good theater at this point.

The name change from Staples Center to Crypto.com Arena is disgusting

My system is the Los Angeles Lakers. Oh, they've destroyed their brand by changing their iconic name, the staple center to the crypto center. It's just a terrible idea. And I just think that staple center was such a great and original name. And the fact that they changed it to a corporation is disgusting.

The movie 'Cars 3' is better than the original 'Cars'

I'm starting to think cars three might be better than cars one. Cars two is trash. I've watched way too many cars.

'Eating your way out of town' is an underused and effective move for a player to force a trade

I choice not to look at any more angles of James Harden pictures... I choose to believe that James Harden is fat and I say more power to him. The eating your way out of town is the move that it's underused. And if all else fails and you want it to be traded, just put on a shitload of weight until people are embarrassed of you. And then guess what? You can always lose the weight.

The 2020 NBA City Edition uniforms are largely based on Reddit suggestions

NBA is the one league where I'm pretty sure someone in the league office is just scrolling through Reddit at all times and be like, look at this fucking uniform. This is cool. Let's build an entire uniform base off of this.

Hiring David Ross to manage the Cubs is a great idea

My stardom is David Ross. When would it ever be a bad idea to hire everyone's best friend to be the manager and boss? That's not going to be bad at all.

LeBron James only defended China to protect his Space Jam 2 ticket sales

LeBron is so transparent that he only wanted to say nice things about China because he wants to sell his stupid movie Space Jam 2. Space Jam 1 is better.

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time

My sleeper is Aladdin, the greatest Disney movie of all time. Yeah, I said it. It's being made into a live-action movie star in Will Smith, The Fresh Prince, which means it's sure to fucking slap.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Bitcoin is fake and people should buy land instead

My stardom is land. Bitcoin, currency, it's all fake. You can't see it. Buy something you can see with your own two eyeballs. Buy a plot. Buy an acre. Squat on it.

Start Drew Stanton on his bye week to guarantee a zero rather than negative points

My stardom of the week: Drew Stanton. The Cardinals are on a bye. But Drew Stanton, if he starts, he's getting negative points. So you start him on the bye and you get that zero. Bruce Arians is going to turn this team around.

Ricardo Lewis is a legitimate fantasy sleeper because of his target share

Ricardo Lewis. Great name, even better value. Pick him up. He has the most targets on the [Browns] this year.