Takes

Coronavirus is currently a solid 8-seed in the 'Who's Now' bracket

I'll say it to you this way in my who's now bracket. The Corona virus is a solid eight seed.

Zdeno Chara is the sports respecter of journalism of the year for writing down answers with a broken jaw

Zdeno Chara has a broken jaw, he can't speak, and he still met with the press and answered questions by writing down his answers. Class act. ... The respecter of journalism of the year. Sports player who respects journalism the most of the year.

The NFL was within its rights to prevent Bob Costas from bashing the league during a broadcast

Of course the NFL was like, hey, Bob, you can't say that on one of our fucking broadcasts, dude. Roger Goodell does a lot of stuff to silence a lot of people... but this one, it's like, why would you be allowed to bash the league that's paying your salary right now? During a game, you really can't do that.

The 2018 Pittsburgh Steelers are a 'fucking mess'

The Steelers are a fucking mess. Le'Veon Bell. Antonio Brown. The fact that this is all happening within the first week or two, and they tied the Browns, and Big Ben is already injured, this team is a fucking mess.

Derek Jeter is going to look 'really fucking ugly' if he gains 15 more pounds

Derek Jeter, by the way, he's one of those guys that if he puts on another 10 or 15 pounds, he's going to be really fucking ugly. Because when you get the bald head and then you get the big cheeks, it's bad. You need hair if you're fat.

Kirk Cousins respects the media biz to get them on his side against Dan Snyder

All-time biz respecter move by Kirk here. He's basically got flashcards for the reporters... He is doing it, I would expect, to get the media on his side. So he's like, all right, if I get the media on my side, then I'll basically be able to strong arm Dan Snyder.

Odell Beckham Jr. is actually a workmanlike professional who just goes about his business

I'm kind of on Odell's side here because those newspapers and all those media outlets have unfairly criticized him. He's just a guy who goes about his business, doesn't make things about him... Workmanlike. Punch in, punch out. So I'm on his side.

Peyton Manning hosting the ESPYs will not be good

I feel like this is going to suck, but... what do I know? Unless they just have him on stage drilling those Boys and Girls Club in the face with the footballs. He should just do that for like two hours.

Tony Romo's legacy is taking a hit because he looks unathletic and has man breasts

Tony Romo's legacy is taking a hit from this because, one, he looks super unathletic. Two, part of that is I now see that he has man breasts.

Northwestern basketball is annoying because journalists act like it's a plucky underdog story

Except for the fact that now we're going to get Greeny, Mike Wilbon, Rovell, all these fuckers shoving Northwestern plucky underdog down our throats. So I'm saying respect the fucking biz... We don't care about Northwestern basketball enough for you to tell us constantly.

Philadelphia fans have lost their edge and gotten soft

I feel like Philly's lost its edge recently. Philly has definitely lost its edge. Yeah, Philly, you guys haven't booed anyone who's hurt their spine recently? Philly's been eating shit and you guys haven't been doing anything... I think Philly's gotten soft. Lost its edge.

The creepy clown sightings across the US are fake videos staged for views

I really dove into the clowns. They're all fake. It's all videos of people recording themselves driving. When in your life have you recorded yourself driving? It's them trying to turn around, freaking out like a bear is coming at them, and then the video stops right before the clown comes at the door. Until the clowns take action, I'm woke.

NFL Media should prioritize getting the All-22 film and Game Rewind up on time for 'film grinders'

Can we please get the All-22 and the Game Rewind up on time? There are a lot of people out there that like to sit and grind film on a Monday morning or a Monday afternoon.

CM Punk's MMA debut looked like a big brother beating up a little brother

He got beat so badly... He got tackled and then was just kind of flailing on the ground while the guy just punched him in the face. It was all of like a big brother jumping on a little brother and then hitting the little brother with his own fists. That's what it looked like.

Jay Mariotti is the senior Icelandic correspondent for Pardon My Take

Jay, you will be our senior Iceland correspondent. Done... Jay Mariotti has been named senior Icelandic correspondent for Pardon My Take.