Takes

I'm boycotting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar unless the US makes it

I'm boycotting the World Cup. I'm boycotting the World Cup unless the U.S. makes it, in which case I might still boycott it. I think it's actually beneath the United States to play in a World Cup in stadiums that were built by little slaves.

Calling off the Denmark vs. Finland match after Christian Eriksen's collapse was the right move.

They called the game off, which was probably the right thing to do... then Christian Eriksen gets on a zoom call... tells them, I want you guys to play the game. Then they went out there and played.

'Read the room' people on Twitter are the worst.

The 'read the room' people are the worst people in the world because I still can't for the life of me understand how being affected by something and then spending that time immediately after replying to other people to 'read the room' is you showing your lack of room-reading abilities.

Sweden is my World Cup team for 2018

I think Sweden is my World Cup team. Dude, I'm Swedish. I would know. I'm like one 16th... I got all the shitty parts of being Swedish.

Bruce Arena and the US Soccer front office need to be fired immediately

I'm going to say Bruce Arena. That guy's been around forever. Get the fuck out of here, man. ... GM, clean house.

The US Men's National Team should barely qualify for the World Cup so they have to play an extra elimination game against New Zealand

I hope that they barely qualify and that they have to play an extra elimination game. I am really looking forward to that extra elimination game. [I] just want to see them play New Zealand so I can do an accent.

It would be hilarious if the US Men's Soccer team failed to qualify for the World Cup

It would be hilarious if the US didn't make the World Cup. It would be very, very funny. It would be so fucking funny. We could make jokes all summer long and be like, when does the US play?

Soccer needs scandals like the Kardashians or star players fighting fans to blow up in America

I really do think, though, that soccer, if soccer wants to blow up in America, they need to start just doing the things that are classic American sports. Someone needs to date a Kardashian. Someone needs to maybe tweet a picture of their penis by accident. Go into the stands and fight a guy.

There is no such thing as an expatriate; if an American works overseas, they are still ours and must pay taxes.

I guess the technical term, [Christian Pulisic] works overseas, so he's an expatriate. But as we discussed earlier with Chris Long, there are no such things as expatriates. So we'll claim him. Someone make sure that he's paying taxes.

The German soccer team's aggression always comes too late in major matches

And once again, the German subs were a little bit too late. A little too late. And I noticed that their aggression didn't come until a little bit later, too. Usually the Germans are a little bit more aggressive early on.

You can't fart during a soccer game because it's a 'beautiful' and 'classy' game

I don't want, I mean, that's, you can't fart during a soccer game. Everyone knows that. ... It's a beautiful game. ... We, you don't do that shit. It's a classy game.