Texas can never lose to Maryland in football

[Texas], you can't lose to Maryland in football. No, you can't do it. You can't.

Chip Kelly is house shopping in College Station to replace Kevin Sumlin

The fire of the hot seat got lit under Kevin Sumlin. So now Chip Kelly's driving his General Lee down to College Station. He's ready to go. He's house shopping. Rumor is his wife... no, no chance. Chip Kelly's married. His girlfriend's football. Chip Kelly's made up pretend girlfriend is now working with a realtor in College Station.

College football teams should never actually schedule Alabama; just have your fan base chant 'we want Bama' but don't play them

Don't schedule Alabama. Just have your fan base chant, we want Bama, but don't actually play Bama... Beating the best is way overrated. As a Wisconsin fan, it's way more fun to just beat Purdue and Iowa every year and then lose to Ohio State in the Big Ten championship... [sneaking] in the back door and then have everybody say, hey, you are the best... It's actually pretty fucking awesome.

The Brewers have the World Series sealed

I think the Brewers have this thing sealed up after an insane Monday night where they were just awesome.

There will be no MLB lockout

They'll figure it out. There's too much at stake. They'll figure it out. It's not 1994 anymore. They'll figure it out.

A 24-team College Football Playoff is starting to make sense

I'm starting to grow on it. My problem is, I'm thinking about it in just this year where we actually had parity.