Bill Burr, Arian Foster, And Space

Resting your hands on your knees while tired is a sign of weakness that I will exploit

I still believe if you have your hands on your knees, it's a sign of weakness and I will exploit you. [Resting your hands on your head] was such a mind fuck when they said that it doesn't make a difference if you're tired.

I am reclaiming Hawaiian shirts for people who like to party

Apparently, this has become like a race war white supremacist thing to wear Hawaiian shirts... Fuck you. You will not take... I'm reclaiming Hawaiian shirts for people that like to party. I will not allow the Hawaiian shirt to be co-opted.

Roger Goodell is actually on the Barstool payroll to play the ultimate heel

There's actually a conspiracy theory going on now that Roger Goodell works for Barstool because he continually plays into our hands. And I actually am starting to buy it. I'm starting to think that it's not so far off to think that Roger Goodell is on Barstool's payroll deliberately to play the heel.

Going to space isn't impressive because we've already done it a lot

I think it's cool that we've done it 100,000 times already... We went to the moon in the 60s. Technology has advanced a long way. We're not going to learn anything new from Elon Musk going to the moon. It's just for him to pat himself on the back.

The Green Bay Packers are the Yankees/Celtics of the NFL, not the Patriots or Steelers

I just think it's fascinating as a Patriots fan that we've won six titles in the hundred years of the league... But then the Green Bay Packers won like nine or 11 NFL titles and then won another four Super Bowls. So they're the Celtics, Lakers, whatever you want to say, Yankees, Canadians of the NFL. But for some reason, the Steelers and the Patriots are holding that crown.

I want Tom Brady to play the Chiefs in the Super Bowl and win his seventh ring

I want to see Tom Brady take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl and play Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs. And then he wins seven. He's got one more than Jordan. I think that would be unbelievable.

The NFL's statement on George Floyd is only being made because it's now 'safe'

The NFL has a track record of being reactionary rather than proactive. And this is exactly what they're doing right now... They're saying it because it's safe to do so now... If you're really with it, then condemn the ownership that has blackball cap, condemn the ownership that has funded and backed publicly a man that is calling the same protesters thugs.

White privilege is not something to feel guilty about, but something that requires empathy

I shouldn't have to feel guilty about being white. I agree. You're conflating guilt with empathy. That's all it is. Saying, I see black people struggling or I see the plight against a people of color is not the same as saying it's wrong for me to be white in this country. Nobody's saying that.

Bonobos are the greatest of the great apes because they have sex to solve all their problems

Bonobos are the goats of apes... These guys have governments made up on sex... Instead of like a group of bonobos meeting another group of bonobos, they don't fight, they just make love. They have sex for three reasons, pleasure, bonding, and peacekeeping.