PMT DB
PMT DB
Cris Collinsworth on NFL 2020, The Slide, and Zuckerberg's Ass Implants
Nature is finally healing because sports are officially back. After four and a half months of doom-scrolling, Big Cat and PFT are ready to embrace the glorious normalcy of irrational sports hatred. Whether it is Cubs fans and Sox fans trading insults on Twitter or the return of the 'coming in peace' Reddit posts, the energy is shifting back to where it belongs.
PFT CommenterI'm ready to care way too much about dumb sports shit and ignore serious topics
I'm so ready to not care about serious shit anymore. And just getting back to caring, like caring way, way too much about dumb shit. That's our right as Americans. It's our duty as Americans to do that.
Speaking of things returning to normal, golf is leading the way with some high-level drama. Bryson DeChambeau has officially ascended to the top of the 'Triple B' rankings after a weekend of counting his shots like a confused amateur and having his caddy block camera guys.
Big CatBryson DeChambeau is the number one baby back bitch in sports
[Bryson DeChambeau] is now the number one triple B in the sports world... I think he's baby back bitch of the year. The fact that he now has his caddy blocking camera guys too.
Big Cat and PFT aren't buying the 'science' behind Bryson's transformation either. While the golf world is marvelling at his distance, the guys see the classic signs of a guy who is one bad lie away from an absolute meltdown.
PFT CommenterHistory will vindicate the claim that Bryson DeChambeau is roid raging
I think that history is going to vindicate our Bryson [DeChambeau] takes sooner rather than later. This is a classic roid rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's roid raging out there. Guy stinks. Big time.
Cris Collinsworth Joins the Show
The legendary Cris Collinsworth joined the program for a long-awaited conversation that touched on everything from his PFF grading system to the mechanics of the iconic Sunday Night Football slide. Cris explained that the slide actually started as a practical solution to Al Michaels wanting to open the show with a one-on-one 'bonding exercise' with America. He had to lean out of the shot, and the slide was just his way of getting back in.
When the conversation turned to the upcoming 2020 season, Cris provided some much-needed optimism for football fans worried about the schedule.
Cris CollinsworthThere is a 90% chance the NFL plays a season this year
The NFL, though, I do think will give it a go. I think they're going to try... I think that somebody will be playing... On a scale of eight to ten [how likely we have football]? Nine.
Cris also broke down why NFL teams continue to whiff on high draft picks despite all the available data. He credits it to the 'pretty girl' syndrome, where scouts fall in love with a guy who looks like a freak in a 10-play highlight reel but doesn't have the stomach for the actual grind of the league.
Cris CollinsworthTeams fail in the NFL Draft because they prioritize physical attributes over character and heart
Because it's impossible not to take the pretty girl... when you get a guy who's 6'6" and runs four or five... and they put together a 10 highlight package... and yet that's not what football is. Football is a grind... It takes people who... have that kind of heart that even when they're a mess... they're still going to slam their head into that brick wall.
They also discussed the evolution of the tight end position. While Travis Kelce might be the best pure receiver, Cris and PFT both agreed that the value of a guy who can dominate as a blocker while still being a threat in the passing game is unmatched.
Cris CollinsworthGeorge Kittle was the best player in the NFL in 2019
This guy is an SOB blocking now... he and Gronk and a handful of guys are ungodly blockers as they play, and they can do everything the other guys can do as receivers... George Kittle, I think we [PFF] had him as the best player in the NFL last year.
Who's Back and Stay Woke
Who's Back featured a heated debate on the 'dad bod' after Zac Efron was spotted looking slightly less shredded than usual. Big Cat isn't letting the internet claim that a guy with a visible six-pack represents the struggle of the common father.
Big CatNobody actually wants a real dad bod
Fuck the people who have made dad bod culture seem cool because I know deep down, no one actually wants dad bods. They want the Zac Efron six pack dad bod... reality is if you have a true dad bod you're just really tired all the time because your metabolism is fucked up and you're overweight.
In a special Stay Woke segment, the guys investigated the viral photos of Mark Zuckerberg surfing in Hawaii. While most people focused on the excessive white sunscreen that made him look like a mime, Big Cat noticed a much more significant physical change.
Big CatMark Zuckerberg definitely has ass implants
Mark Zuckerberg surfing has hit the internet... I noticed right away. The dude's got a fucking donk. He has got cheeks. Big-time cheeks... I think it's an ass implant. Mark Zuckerberg is a nerd though... he can't just do something that's so obvious. What he can do is get a fake fat ass.
To wrap things up, Billy Football gave a somber update on his future career prospects. It turns out that being a recurring character on the world's biggest sports podcast has its drawbacks when you're trying to maintain a low profile for covert operations.
Billy FootballI can no longer be a Navy SEAL because I am too famous from the podcast
I can't be in the special forces because too many people know my taste nowadays. And I wanted to be... it's actually really disappointing. Every time more people recognize me, it gets me really freaked out. I can't be a Navy SEAL.
It’s a tough blow for national security, but at least we still have the fullback assist to fight for.
