PMT DB
PMT DB
The hungover episode has officially arrived, and it smells like a five-hour car ride from Vegas to LA. Big Cat and PFT spent the entire drive ripping Immaculate Grid while Hank slept like a man who had just survived a war zone. The energy in the hotel room is exactly what you'd expect after a bachelor party: Zac is missing his glasses, Max is buried under a blanket mourning a Sixers blowout, and everyone is trying to remember if Cinderella actually turned back into a pumpkin or if that was just the Philly sports scene on a Monday night.
The Knicks are Actually This Good
Max tried to claim the Sixers' 39-point loss was a "scheduled loss," but nobody was buying it. Jalen Brunson looks like he might never miss a mid-range jumper again, and Memes is officially the most confident man in New York. While Max was switching over to a Flyers overtime loss just to feel something else, Memes was already planning the parade route through Manhattan.
MemesThe Knicks will beat the Sixers in five games
Well, the Knicks just collect after game three and they've beaten the past three games. They won by 25 plus and they just have a better team overall. [They're] gonna win in five. [They're] gonna fucking kill him.
PFT took it a step further, suggesting that the way the Knicks are shooting 65% from the field and 50% from three isn't just a heater—it's a sign of a historic powerhouse. It's a dangerous time to be a Knicks fan because for the first time in decades, the arrogance is actually backed up by the box score.
PFT CommenterThe Knicks have to be thinking they might be the best NBA team of all time right now
The Knicks look like they're just going to — it's gonna be a cakewalk for them to the NBA Finals. New York is actually thinking right now, like, there's a chance that we might be the best NBA team of all time. They've been doing that — shooting 65% from the field, 50% from three — repeatedly. It's not just one night.
Hank, ever the professional hater, is still holding out hope for maximum chaos. He doesn't necessarily want the Sixers to be good; he just wants every home fan in both cities to be absolutely miserable for as long as possible.
HankThe Sixers will beat the Knicks in seven games
I'm rooting for the home team to lose every game. I want every fan to be upset at the games. So, I guess would be Sixers in seven. Yeah. I'm rooting for a seven game series and I guess Sixers and seven. 'Cause that would mean they win at home or at on the road.
Pups and Bond Villains
The Timberwolves-Spurs series is living up to the hype, even if Anthony Edwards isn't at 100%. PFT is officially calling them "the pups" now, and despite Victor Wembanyama recording twelve blocks—some of which might have been goal-tends—the Wolves' dog mentality is keeping them in it. PFT sees this one going the distance because of how evenly matched the coaching is.
PFT CommenterTimberwolves vs. Spurs will go seven games
I think it's gonna go seven. I think it's two very evenly matched teams. Two very well coached teams. But that's why we don't count the wolves out.
Looking ahead to the Thunder-Lakers matchup, Big Cat isn't buying the LeBron hype this time around. He thinks the Thunder are simply too deep and too fast, and he made a very specific pledge regarding how he'll view LeBron's legacy depending on the inevitable injury reports that come out after a loss.
Big CatThe Thunder will blow out the Lakers in their playoff series
I think the thunder are gonna kill the Lakers in this series. I think the thunder are just way, way better. I'm not going into this being a blind LeBron hater being like, oh my God. Can't believe you lost in the second round. The thunder are better than the Lakers. They are much better. They throttle them in the regular season. And I just expect them to throttle 'em again in this series.
PFT CommenterI will only respect LeBron in this series if he doesn't fake an injury while losing
I'm not gonna hold this series against LeBron unless he does a fake injury. A fake injury. Injury. Injury, yeah. When they're down like three out. If they had advanced LeBron would've been out for three to five weeks. And then we get the report from Shams like the next day. Just to prove that it was really real.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne
Hank put Ben Stiller on the Hot Seat for the ultimate fan betrayal: skipping a Game 1 to go to the Met Gala. In Hank's world, there is no compromise—you don't go from being a "diehard" to being "whipped" just because your wife wants to see some weird dresses.
HankBen Stiller is soft for missing the Knicks playoff game to go to the Met Gala
He should've gone [to the game]. Ben Stiller said 'I know who I am' — that's just being whipped. You can't say anything other than just like, your wife owns you. Like, how can you be like, I'm a diehard Knicks fan? You can go to the game. Grow up, you're a New York guy.
Big Cat shifted the focus to Jaylen Brown, who has been venting on Twitch and Twitter about the media. After Brown called clickbait "flopping for the media," Big Cat pointed out the irony of a guy complaining about being quoted accurately.
Big CatJaylen Brown's complaint about clickbait is just a way of flopping
Jaylen Brown just tweeted: 'Clickbait is like flopping for the media — exaggerating contact.' How is it clickbait when it's his own words? I wish that he, you know... Jaylen Brown just flopping for the media. Exaggerating contact. Y'all be safe out here.
PFT's Hot Seat is reserved for the Toronto Maple Leafs' new GM hire, John Chayka. Between the private combines and the fake computer monitors, it's a disaster waiting to happen for Biz and the rest of the Leafs fans.
PFT CommenterThe Toronto Maple Leafs' new GM John Chayka is a disaster hire who lies and burned his last team
The Maple Leafs are on the Hot Seat. They hired a new general manager by the name of John Chayka. This guy used to work for the Coyotes and he quit one day before the playoffs start, after saying he was not interviewing other places. He's a guy that has gotten the team in trouble — they made him surrender a first and second round draft pick because he was doing his own private combines outside the NHL system. And then he lied about it. He went to interview him and he had six computers displaying live data that wasn't actually connected to hockey at all. He just had computers that made it look like he was monitoring graphs. Leaf fans are very upset. Biz is upset. This guy has a hilarious track record of thinking he's the smartest man in any room.
Dan Soder Talks Ball and Bunkers
Friend of the program Dan Soder joined the show to discuss his new Netflix special and his deep ties to the coaching world. As a lifelong friend of Mike McDaniel, Soder gave us the inside scoop on the transition from Miami to the Chargers. Apparently, the joggers are here to stay because Jim Harbaugh is the most secure man in the NFL.
Dan SoderMike McDaniel is in full revenge mode with the Chargers and Jim Harbaugh lets him do whatever he wants
You have no idea. This is a guy I've known since we were 12 years old. He's in revenge mode in a way. You know how you know your middle school friends where you're like, that dude wants to fight? He's just calling the plays and Harbaugh's letting him roll. Harbaugh is the most secure person he's ever been around. He lets McDaniel do whatever.
Soder also dove deep into the 49ers' electrical substation conspiracy, which he fully believes is the reason for the team's recurring injury issues. If you aren't wrapping your star players in tinfoil like baked potatoes, are you even trying to win a Super Bowl?
Dan SoderThe 49ers electrical substation conspiracy is real
The substation stuff hit me the way that QAnon hit poor white trash. I knew none of this was my fault. Of course there's an electrical substation that's tearing tendons in my sweet red and gold. I honestly think it would rule if they move the substation. I think it might be worth handling that just for the mental aspect.
Beyond football, the conversation turned to the absurdity of modern billionaires. Soder and Big Cat agreed that Elon Musk has officially pivoted into the "nerdy Bond villain" phase of his life, complete with moon-lasers and social media meltdowns.
Dan SoderElon Musk is a Bond villain
Elon is a Bond villain. We've all found out that bond villains are fucking nerds. He is built to be a bond villain. Aim a laser at the moon and go everyone follow retweet me or else, or I blow up the [moon]. He would get fucked up first fight.
Big Cat also reiterated his golden rule for the ultra-wealthy: if you haven't bought a sports team yet, you're a red flag. If you have billions and aren't trying to become the King of San Diego by moving the Chargers back, what are you even doing with your life?
Big CatBillionaires who don't own sports franchises cannot be trusted
I have a longstanding rule too. If you're a billionaire and you don't own a sports franchise, that's the whole reason you become a billionaire. It's like the sniff test of like that guy you can't trust.
Big CatIf I had Elon money, I'd buy the Chargers and move them back to San Diego to become king of the city
I think the move would be to do a Sonics or Chargers. I'd buy the Chargers and move them back to San Diego. And just become the king of San Diego. And everyone would just be like, this guy is the greatest guy ever.
We wrapped things up with some listener FAQs and a status update on Zac's glasses, which are presumably living a better life at the cabaret than they ever did on his face.
At least Zac’s eyes look great without them.
