PMT DB
PMT DB
Horace Grant on Jordan, Magic What-Ifs, and Billy's Blood Cult
The Last Dance episodes 5 and 6 are officially in the books, and Big Cat has the motivation for this entire documentary figured out. Between shitting on Isiah Thomas and reminding everyone that he's the king, MJ is clearly using ten hours of television to settle some very old scores.
Big CatMichael Jordan released 'The Last Dance' 50% to bash Isiah Thomas and 50% to prove he is better than LeBron James
If you had to break it down Michael Jordan doing this documentary [is] 50% to remind everyone in the world that Michael Jordan's the goat and like he's still better than LeBron and 50% just to shit down Isiah Thomas' throat.
The guys break down the Dream Team era, specifically the Monte Carlo practice that effectively saw Michael snatch the torch from Magic Johnson. PFT and Big Cat also debate the gambling controversy, with Big Cat relating a little too much to MJ’s insistence that he can stop whenever he wants. In the NFL world, Andy Dalton is heading to Dallas to back up Dak Prescott, which PFT views as a low-key power move by Jerry Jones.
PFT CommenterAndy Dalton is one of the best backup quarterbacks in the NFL
I think [Andy Dalton] is probably one of the best backups in the league right now. You have a hard time convincing me [otherwise].
Speaking of backup quarterbacks, PFT has a theory on why our good friend Blake Bortles is still looking for a home. It has nothing to do with completion percentage and everything to do with the car he drives and a league-wide conspiracy involving big oil.
PFT CommenterBlake Bortles is being blackballed by the NFL because he drives a Tesla
I think that Blake Bortles is being blackballed by the NFL because he drives a Tesla and because the league sponsors are motor oil companies [like] Castrol, Havoline, other competing rivals against Elon Musk and Tesla.
Who’s Back featured the triumphant return of the NFL schedule release and a massive deadlift record from The Mountain. Big Cat is feeling optimistic about the fall, citing reports that the league is full steam ahead on playing with fans in the seats.
Big CatThere is almost a zero percent chance that the NFL season does not happen this fall
Florio did have a report where [he's] talking to the right people that it's basically a zero percent chance—not a zero percent chance, but like almost a zero percent chance that there's no football this fall.
However, the positivity ended when the conversation turned to the "Murder Hornets." Big Cat is officially out on the hype, declaring that the media is simply addicted to fear and that a bug that can be defeated by a rolled-up Sunday edition of the Chicago Tribune shouldn't be a national emergency.
Big CatMurder Hornets are not a real threat because anything you can kill with a newspaper is not a problem
I'm officially done with being swayed by the Murder Hornet... fuck the Murder Hornet. If I can kill something with a newspaper, it's not a problem. It's not a problem. I'd rather be Mike Tyson's trainer or stuck in a room with one single Murder Hornet, I'd drive the Murder Hornet, I'd fuck the Murder Hornet up.
Big CatFear porn has become the number one industry in America
I'm sick of letting everyone—fear porn has become the number one industry in America right now. I'm done letting fear take over my life. I'm done with being scared about random things that get posted in a New York Times article just so that everyone can send it around to each other.
Horace Grant joined the show to give a first-hand account of the Bulls' first three-peat. He didn't hold back on MJ’s claim that he was the primary source for Sam Smith’s infamous book, The Jordan Rules. According to Horace, Michael is flat-out lying to protect his own image in the documentary.
Horace GrantMichael Jordan's claim that I was the source for 'The Jordan Rules' is a lie
For MJ to say I [was] the source of this book, that's a lie. That's a downright lie and he knows that... Sam Smith spent more time with Bill Cartwright, John Paxson, Tex Winter, Johnny Bach.
Horace also went through a series of "what-ifs" from his time in Orlando and LA. He truly believes that if Shaq and Penny had just stayed together with the Magic, they would have a handful of rings. The most devastating revelation, though, was that Shaq actually called Horace several times before signing with the Lakers in 1996, and Horace simply missed the calls.
Horace GrantIf I had picked up the phone when Shaquille O'Neal called me during 1996 free agency, I could have convinced him to stay with the Magic
[Shaquille O'Neal] called me I think two or three times. If I just had to pick up the phone, maybe things would have been different and I did not pick up the phone. When I heard that he signed with the Lakers, I drove from Florida to my mother's house in Georgia and I stayed there for about two weeks just depressed as shit.
When asked how his Bulls would stack up against modern dynasties, Horace was confident. Despite the shooting of the KD-era Warriors, he doesn't think the modern guys could handle the physicality of the 90s, especially with the refs from that era calling the game.
Horace GrantThe 1990s Bulls would have beaten the KD-era Warriors in six games
I would say the Bulls in six. Being with the Bulls, we don't believe in seven games in the finals... when you got a Michael Jordan and a Scottie Pippen in their prime and Horace Grant here, I mean, victory.
Mount Flushmore focused on the sporting activities you'd least like to try. Hank led things off with water polo, which is essentially just a legal way to try and drown your peers while treading water for an hour.
HankWater polo is the worst sport to participate in because you spend the whole time trying to drown each other
Water polo... why let's play keep away while we try to drown each other? No thanks. Treading water the whole time, you gotta be dealing with the worst cramps in the world. I can't imagine just having people just grab you try to hold you under water.
Big Cat rounded out the list by attacking cycling, mostly because it involves wearing tight spandex and being a nuisance on public roads for a result that isn't particularly thrilling to watch.
Big CatCycling is just a more boring version of NASCAR
I'd watch basically anything except for cycling. Cycling is it's a more boring version of NASCAR.
To wrap up the show, Billy Football entered the Shark Tank to pitch his new supplement line, the Berserker Blood Cult. He’s looking for a modest thirty thousand dollars to fund "Crisis Fuel," a 2,000-calorie-per-serving powder designed to help you maintain mass during a pandemic or a wildfire.
Billy FootballMy 'Crisis Fuel' supplement will provide enough energy and mass to survive 40 days in a wildfire or pandemic
I developed a proprietary blend... it's like 2,000 calories a punch. It's protein, carbs, good additive, cornstarch to it... if there's a wildfire approaching your house, screw the food, grab your 10-gallon bucket of Crisis Fuel which is all powder and a bunch of water, throwing your car, you have enough meals for 40 days.
If you're not ready to commit to the Blood Cult, at least you can sleep well knowing Kim Jong Un might be back, even if Big Cat thinks it’s a body double. Keep your eyes on the trainers and catchers, the true simps of the sports world.
