PMT DB
PMT DB
Mike Florio and Stingray Steve on NFL Week 1 and the Return of the Ravens
Football is officially back, and the energy is high despite the tragic, untimely passing of Larry the Goldfish. Larry 1.0 might be swimming in the big porcelain bowl in the sky, but he went out a winner after the Broncos took down the Panthers on Thursday night. Big Cat and PFT are already at each other's throats regarding the goldfish's maintenance, but there's no time to mourn when there are Super Contest picks to be made.
Before getting into the gambling, the guys broke down the Thursday night opener. PFT noticed a recurring theme with the league's musical choices for the kickoff festivities.
PFT CommenterThe NFL books terrible pregame bands like OneRepublic on purpose to show power over the audience
I think the NFL does that on purpose. They always have the world's shittiest band opening up for the season... They do it on purpose just to say, like, fuck you, you're going to watch. We could wheel out Ozzy Osbourne while he's in a coma, and you would still tune in and watch.
On the field, the story was Cam Newton getting his head hunted and some questionable decision-making from the Carolina sidelines.
Big CatCam Newton and Ron Rivera had the worst clock management of the 2016 season so far
Cam Newton and analytical Ron, probably the worst clock management that we've seen in the 2016 NFL season so far. They burned every single timeout within the first five minutes of the first half.
While Cam was struggling to keep his clock straight, Trevor Siemian was busy being the most mediocre winner in NFL history. Big Cat, a Northwestern guy himself, recognized the brand of football immediately.
Big CatTrevor Siemian is the perfect Northwestern quarterback because he is bad but okay
Trevor Siemian, not that bad, but also not that good. Kind of like perfect Northwestern quarterback. He reminded you that he's Trevor Siemian, but then he made a couple of throws that were okay... He was bad, but he was also good.
The Quest for a Million Dollars
With the NFL season starting, the quest for the Las Vegas Super Contest began. Big Cat, PFT, Hank, and the ghost of Larry the Goldfish are all in, thanks to OddsShark. The stakes are high, and Big Cat is already planning his retirement if he hits the jackpot.
Big CatI will keep doing the show even if I win a million dollars in the Super Contest
If I win a million dollars, I absolutely am going to keep doing the show. But I'm going to build a studio in my house and make you guys come over and film the show from my studio so I never have to leave.
For the Week 1 picks, there was a shocking amount of consensus on a certain Florida team that likes to disappoint. PFT is leading the charge on the Jags train.
PFT CommenterMy Week 1 NFL Lock is the Jaguars +5.5 at home against the Packers
This is my stone cold lock of the week. I've got the Jaguars at home, jagging off big time, plus five and a half against the Packers.
Big Cat, ever the optimist for his hometown squad, is calling for a big upset in Houston.
Big CatThe Bears will win outright against the Texans in Week 1
Bears are going to win outright. Just a heads up, everyone.
Mike Florio and the Return of the Ravens
Mike Florio joined the show from Denver to preview the season. Florio, a noted Vikings fan, weighed in on the Sam Bradford trade and whether he can actually replace the injured Teddy Bridgewater.
Mike FlorioSam Bradford better simulates what Teddy Bridgewater would have done for the Vikings than Shaun Hill
Sam Bradford, the thinking is, I believe better simulates what Teddy would have done if he would have been able to play. I don't know that Bradford can get there... it's going to be an uphill climb, but when things settle down, they're going to be better off with Bradford than they would be with Hill.
Florio also isn't buying the hype on the top of the draft class. He pointed out the absurdity of the Rams' situation with their first overall pick being buried on the bench behind Case Keenum.
Mike FlorioThe Rams being number three on the depth chart with the first overall pick Jared Goff is a bad sign for everyone
Number three on the depth chart is the first overall pick. That's not good for anybody. And I would say jokingly, back when the Rams picked [Jared] Goff, remember, these are the same people who thought Nick Foles was the answer a year ago. And what was once a joke, I think, is gradually becoming dead serious that maybe they've gotten it wrong two years in a row.
As for the Super Bowl, Florio went off the board with an AFC pick that would make PFT's year in terms of content potential.
Mike FlorioThe Packers will beat the Ravens in the 2016 Super Bowl
I got Packers over Panthers in the NFC... Ravens over Patriots in AFC. It is the return of the Ravens in 2016. I got Ravens Packers in the Super Bowl with the Packers winning.
PFT CommenterJoe Flacco is going to get himself back into the elite conversation by making it to the Super Bowl
Joe Flacco is going to get himself back into the elite conversation by making it to the Super Bowl. But when he doesn't win, that would actually — I would demand a raise here at Barstool if Joe Flacco made it. That would give me so much content.
Stingray Steve and the SEC's Funeral
Stingray Steve made his Friday debut to preview college football. He's still recovering from Mississippi State's brutal loss to South Alabama, but he’s already moving on to Cincinnati (or South Carolina, close enough). Steve isn't high on the rest of his conference right now, declaring it a one-team race.
Stingray SteveThe SEC is dead in 2016 except for Alabama
Do you think the stories about the SEC being dead are correct? I do, except for Alabama. because Alabama looked good last weekend against USC.
To wrap up the segment, we had Stingray recreate the legendary Swoopes touchdown call from the Texas win over Notre Dame. It was pure electricity.
Stingray SteveTexas is back after upsetting Notre Dame
Swoops for the win. Texas is back, folks. They upset Number 10 Notre Dame. And what an amazing win for the Texas Longhorns.
Hot Seat, Cool Throne and Jimbos
The show debuted a new staple: Hot Seat, Cool Throne (or the Ice Throne). While some coaches are looking over their shoulders, others have built-in excuses that will keep them employed until the heat death of the universe.
Big CatChuck Pagano and Sean Payton are on the hot seat to start the 2016 season
I got Chuck Pagano... both the Saints and the Colts, they're in win-now mode. And not only that, but Chuck Pagano, he's been healthy for a while. I think you can fire him now, and it's not like, ooh, we just fired the guy who had cancer.
Big CatMarvin Lewis and Jason Garrett are on the 'Ice Throne' and will never be fired
Number one, he's actually – we have to come up with a term. Is it just the cold seat? ... The king of the ice throne, Marvin Lewis. He will never be fired. Here's another one, though. Jason Garrett is so lucky to have Tony Romo because every single year he's like, 'could have been good, Tony got hurt. Dang.'
To close it out, the guys hit some weekly Jimbos. PFT has a theory that Tim Tebow’s career path is less about divine inspiration and more about a decade-long pharmaceutical bender.
PFT CommenterTim Tebow has been on a fatal dose of Adderall for the last 10 years
I think Tim Tebow has just been on almost a fatal dose of Adderall for the last 10 years. He is so obsessed with these really strange goals that he has and keeps changing jobs and doing weird stuff. This is the action of a man that is just tweaking out of his mind nonstop. 'You know what? I'm going to be a baseball player.'
Big Cat also had to defend himself against the spoiler police regarding the death of a certain Colombian drug lord, reminding everyone that you can’t spoil something that happened in 1993.
Big CatMentioning that Pablo Escobar dies in Narcos is not a spoiler because it is history
Pablo Escobar dies. And people are mad at me about it... Can you spoil history? ... I say that, yes, you can spoil history if it's a part of history that not enough people know. ... No one forgets that Pablo Escobar got shot and killed.
Don't forget to stay away from the cloud, because it's only a matter of time before it ruins your life.
