Takes

The NFL is right to refuse Laurent Duvernay-Tardif's request to put 'MD' on his jersey

Laurent Duvernay-Tardif finishes medical school... and asked the NFL he could put MD on the back of his uniform and they said no. I agree with them. Too many doctors, and we might start figuring out what concussions are like. This isn't the National Medical League, okay? This is football.

The NFL's new anthem rule is a trial balloon and a needles complication

It was ridiculous that they did this in the first place. Essentially bringing up a story that they wanted to have die in the middle of the summer for no reason... They not only did that, but they didn't even do it officially. It's such a perfect NFL story because they made it needlessly complicated.

Colin Kaepernick will not get an NFL job this year

No, I don't think he's [Kaepernick] going to get a job this year.

Mike Mitchell saved football by blaming Andy Dalton's poor play for dangerous hits

Mike Mitchell from the Pittsburgh Steelers went on an awesome rant, basically saving football. ... Where the genius comes in is he basically said it's not that hitting in the head is a problem. It's that Andy Dalton sucks at football.

Roger Goodell has lost control of the NFL if teams can refuse to wear Color Rush

If Roger Goodell can't make teams wear color rush, then he has lost the NFL... He has absolutely no power whatsoever. If the NFL owners are savaging him and just going against his wishes, the inmates are running the prison.

Roger Goodell is incompetent for not having blackmail on Jerry Jones

If you want to point your finger at [Goodell] for one thing... it's his complete negligence and incompetence for not being able to pick up any sort of compromising material on Jerry Jones... He's really not that difficult to compromise.

The NFL's ratings decline is a 'fake news' narrative partially caused by warm weather

Ratings are down 7.5%... Fake news, because we watch more than ever... Also, I just want to note this, that it just today felt like fall... You can't fully embrace football when it's 90 degrees.

Aaron Hernandez's CTE was probably caused by smoking weed, not football

When you say he has CTE and everyone says, well, because he played football... He smoked a lot of weed... Chronic. What does the C stand for in CTE? Chronic. Chronic. If you look up the symptoms of CTE, it's forgetfulness, probably inappropriate laughter... paranoia. I mean, I'm just connecting the dots here.

Listening to Tim Tebow speak for years is enough to fuck up a guy's brain

What about the fact that he [Hernandez] had to listen to Tim Tebow speak for like a couple years? That's got to fuck up a guy's brain, let's just say. Maybe start figuring out where this could come from, and we'll buy into this whole CTE stuff that you're selling us.

The NFL's 'Heads Up' football program has successfully prevented players from committing murder.

Roger Goodell has already addressed this issue... by implementing heads-up football... And since the implementation of the Heads Up football program, there have been zero players arrested for murder. So the problem's in the rear view mirror.

Watching football is more dangerous than playing football because of binge drinking

I would even submit that watching football is more dangerous than playing football because when you're watching football, you're binge drinking. You're around buddies. You're more likely to get into a fight. You're more likely to puke, pee on yourself. You get all sorts of diseases from that.

The Nashville Predators fan who threw a catfish on the ice in Pittsburgh should walk free

This guy should walk free simply because he vacuum sealed the catfish and put it in his pants. He really prepared for that.

Roger Goodell is keeping a hit list of players who celebrate to have them killed

I think Goodell is secretly letting the players do this [celebrate], but you know he's keeping a hit list. So if he sees a player go to ground or use the ball as a prop, heaven forbid, he's writing your name down on a sheet of paper and he's going to pay to have you killed.

Mitchell Trubisky looks like the Jersey Shore version of Tim Tebow

If you look at Mitchell Trubisky, he looks like the Jersey Shore version of Tim Tebow. Just put that thought in your head for a while.

Roger Goodell is gaslighting fans into thinking Thursday Night Football is a good product

Well, it's called gaslighting, Big Cat, and it's actually like a thing that works. So Goodell is gaslighting us, which is awesome. He's doing a really good job of it. He's saying, you all enjoyed watching Thursday Night Football. It was a great product. And then if he says enough, I'm like, holy shit. Thursday night football was awesome.

The ban on rookie hazing is killing masculinity in this country

Well, I see where Major League Baseball is coming from, but the fact that they're not letting guys dress up like girls is killing masculinity in this country. It's just sick.

The Jaguars Color Rush uniforms are ugly as hell

This is what Blake [Bortles] said about his color rush... 'I think they're ugly as hell.'... Just because you're wearing boiled piss colored jerseys doesn't mean that you need to say it out in public.

Bill Belichick will be fined or suspended for bashing the NFL's Microsoft Surface tablets

So could this be like another tablet? Could this be hashtag tablet gate to could Roger Goodell suspend Bill Belichick? I'm calling it right now. Belichick will be fined, possibly suspended.

Roger Goodell allowing custom shoes is just a 'cool boss' trick to distract from bad leadership

The NFL is putting week 13... they're going to let the players wear whatever shoes they want. It's basically the purge for shoes. Or it's like if you have the world's worst boss, what they like to do is like a little treat... you're going to get to wear jeans on Friday.

Roger Goodell should suspend himself for two games following the Mike Pereira door-pushing revelation

Roger Goodell was protecting the shield before protecting the shield was cool. Here's what Roger Goodell should do. So it doesn't look good, right? ... Roger Goodell should suspend himself... for two games... And then he'll hear the appeal... reduce it to one game and boom, I think the problem solved.

Peyton Manning was using inferior steroids compared to James Harrison

I think what we can clearly tell is that if James Harrison was doing steroids and if Peyton Manning was doing steroids, Peyton Manning was doing way shittier steroids than James Harrison. Those were not from the same steroid guy.