PMT DB
PMT DB
Michael Rapaport on Cat Murders, NFL Parity, and the PMT Bump
The NFL officially owns our brains, souls, and bank accounts. After suffering through a Monday Night Football doubleheader that featured Blaine Gabbert and Case Keenum, Big Cat and PFT Commenter are coming to grips with the fact that professional football might actually be bad, yet we are all physically incapable of turning it off.
PFT CommenterRams-49ers was the worst NFL game of the year
It was probably the shittiest game. I'm just going to say it. It was the worst game I've ever seen in the NFL in the last year.
PFT has a theory that the quality of the pro game is being eroded by college football not properly preparing these kids to take a hit. Meanwhile, Big Cat thinks the league has successfully brainwashed us into believing that parity is a sign of health, rather than a symptom of a league-wide talent deficiency.
Big CatNFL parity is just a myth for everyone being bad
They have convinced us that the NFL has extreme parity when in reality it's just everyone sucks. So you can make the playoffs because everyone sucks except for maybe five teams, four teams.
Hot Seat, Cool Throne and Football Guy Snacks
Jeff Fisher is firmly on the hot seat this week. As PFT points out, you can’t move a team to Hollywood and put up a zero-point dud in week one. Hollywood cancels shows for less than that. On the defensive side, Big Cat is looking at Dan Quinn. If you're a defensive mastermind and your team can't find the quarterback with a map and a flashlight, your seat is getting warm.
Big CatDan Quinn is on the hot seat because his defense can't get sacks
Dan Quinn. Oh, okay. Yeah. Second year. You know what? Really, really bad. Dan Quinn, defensive mastermind, 19 sacks in 17 games with the Falcons.
Since Mount Rushmore season is dead and buried, we’ve pivoted to Power Rankings. This week: Things Football Guys Eat. The list is a masterclass in efficiency and dominance. We’re talking sunflower seeds, black jelly beans to show you can handle the shittiest flavors, and vitamins handed to you by your wife as you sprint out the door to watch film. Big Cat also threw in cold pizza and two-day-old lo mein, because no true football guy has ever had a hot meal during the season.
The Michael Rapaport Cat Saga
Michael Rapaport joined the show to discuss why he spent his week tweeting out photos of dead cats in his fountain. While he tried to claim it was a traumatizing event he stumbled upon after a flight, Big Cat and PFT weren't buying it. It sounds a lot more like Michael Rapaport gave his gardener an "order 66" style command to handle a stray cat problem and then got squeamish when the results ended up in his Bellagio-style fountain.
Michael RapaportI will clean out the whole block of stray cats
Those fuckers didn't die. Did you get the other ones? I'm going to clean the whole fucking block out when I'm done with these bastards. There was three out there this morning. I'll send you some video of dead cats tonight.
The conversation took a turn toward Rapaport’s recent Twitter wars regarding 9/11 protests. He didn't back down, clarifying that while he supports the right to protest, he had a very specific issue with the timing.
Michael RapaportI support all protests except kneeling on 9/11
I have no problem with anybody protesting. I have no problem with what the guys on the Patriots did. And, you know, raising a fist on 9-11. I specifically was talking about kneeling on 9-11. I specifically was talking about that... And then Arian Foster said, he has a right to protest and you have a right to protest my protest.
Things got truly heated when the topic shifted to Chicago. Big Cat tried to do Michael Rapaport a favor by suggesting Pequod’s, but apparently, the "king of New York" doesn't have the juice to bypass an hour and 45-minute wait for a pie.
Michael RapaportAn hour and 45 minute wait for pizza is rude and unacceptable
You got to be fucking batshit crazy. If you're from anywhere to wait for anything for an hour and 45 minutes... I don't care what's in there. An hour and 45 minutes is rude for anything. I'm not going to an NSYNC concert. I want a slice of pizza.
Spinzone and The PMT Bump
In this week's Spinzone, we look at Rex Ryan getting his lap band removed. Rex claims it's because he won more games when he was fat, which is the ultimate football guy move. Big Cat suspects the real reason is that Rex was tired of puking up Buffalo wings every Sunday while Rob Ryan ate like a king next to him.
Big CatRex Ryan got his lap band removed because he won more games as a fat guy
Rex Ryan got his lap band out. And he said that it's because he won more football games as a fat guy... This is what happened here was Rob and Rex went out for Buffalo Wings like every single Sunday... he was just sick of puking. He's like, honey, I've been thinking, Rob and I have been talking and I won more games when I was fat.
Finally, Big Cat and PFT Commenter took a moment to celebrate themselves as Rainmakers. The "PMT Bump" is a verified scientific phenomenon. From Landon Donovan returning to the pitch to David DeCastro and Kyle Long getting massive paydays right after appearing on the show, the evidence is undeniable.
Big CatThe 'PMT Bump' gets guests massive contracts
You touch part of my take, you turn into gold. Facts are facts. David DiCastro... Kyle Long... Chris Long... A.J. Hawk. We told him how to get hired... Boom. On a team. Rainmakers. We are rainmakers.
If you want to get paid, you come on this show, simple as that.
