PMT DB
Mike Portnoy and Jake Olson
Special Pardon My Take time travel episode as the guys are taping before Big Cat goes to Chicago to sing the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley. The debut of the new hit single, Color Rush Thursdays, and a choose your own adventure for the Bengals/Texans game(-). USC long snapper joins the show to talk about how he became the first blind Division 1 Football player and how he keeps his hair to be so intimidatingly Cali(-). The people's lawyer Mike Portnoy joins the show to talk about the legalities of Larry the Goldfish stock as well as his recent complaints(-). Segments include an impromptu Embrace Debate on whether or not pissing in sinks is disgusting(-), Fantasy Football Experts for Odell Beckham(-). Uhhh Ya Think for Brian Cushing using steroids again(--13). Trouble in Paradise for our rock band with Martin Shkreli(- 1:), Fair Play Mike and Mike(-), Is Pat Riley Dead Yet(- ) and a bonus extra long Explain it to Hank(-).
Recap
Big CatJ.J. Watt will catch at least two touchdowns against the Bengals
My prediction is J.J. Watt scores two touchdowns because the Texans have three tight ends that all have concussions. So J.J. Watt's going to catch some balls tonight.
PFT CommenterPissing in the kitchen sink is acceptable because 'pipes are pipes'
A hole is a hole. We all agree with that, right? ... I think you mean pipes are pipes. ... I don't think I did anything wrong. ... [PFT tells story of pissing in the kitchen sink].
Picks
PFT CommenterThe Saints will cover the spread (+7) against the Patriots
I have the New Orleans Saints covering at plus seven against the New England Patriots. That's a lot of points to give up at home in the Bayou.
Big CatThe Bears will cover the spread (+7) against the Buccaneers in the Mike Glennon revenge game
My pick is the Chicago Bears, plus seven. The Mike Glennon revenge game. He's going to Tampa Bay. How can you not?
Interview
Jake OlsonI want to win championships on the blind PGA Tour
I want to see how far I can go with playing golf, and I definitely want to try to continue to pursue that goal. And I want to—there's a blind, actually, like sort of a blind PGA, so I want to go win some championships on that.
Mr. PortnoyHewlett-Packard is a 'vile' company
The post office, I think the post office, unfortunately, you're just fighting. The stupidity of it is incredible ... Hewlett-Packard, on the other hand, is a vile company.
Mr. PortnoyMeUndies needs to add an 'escape hatch' for older men to avoid the 'drip factor'
I have raised a legitimate question here. How can you not have an escape hatch for the undies? ... At my age, there was what we call a drip factor. ... You can't get Mr. Johnson out without pulling him down.
Fantasy Fuccbois
PFT CommenterFantasy owners should be able to suspend their own players from real-life games
As a fantasy football owner, if I owned Odell Beckham, I think that it should be within my right to actually suspend him. From real games. If a high enough percentage of Odell Beckham Jr.'s fantasy football owners are mad at him for doing something, then let's say above 65%.
Is Pat Riley Dead Yet
PFT CommenterTom Coughlin might actually be dead and operating on reflex muscles
I think Tom Coughlin has been dead for years, actually. ... After you die, your body—your muscles keep twitching. ... He's just been walking around berating players for not being on time to practice.
Explain It To Hank
PFT CommenterTelescopes are just an optical illusion and don't actually get you closer
So if you reflect things enough, eventually they get really close. ... It actually gets you closer because that's the only thing that you can see. So it's an optical illusion. So you think that you're closer because it's all that your eye has in its vision.