NFL Preview With Comedian Stavros Halkias, Football Is Back, Mt Rushmore Of Breakups, Fyre Fest Of The Week

As soon as the first quarter of the first preseason game is over, I am done with the preseason

Every Hall of Fame game's the exact same... Seeing the field is great. And then you're just like, okay, this kind of sucks. I want the real football. It's very funny. When the first preseason game happens, I'm so excited to watch it. And then as soon as we get through the first quarter, the first preseason game, I'm like just fucking get over with the preseason, I'm done with the preseason.

I still believe in Kyle Sloter as the preseason quarterback of all time

Kyle Sloter, who right now is beating the Raiders three to nothing... He stinks? He's preseason quarterback of all time. The fourth quarter too. There's still the fourth quarter Kyle Sloter. I still believe in him. If you've watched him play, you should believe too.

Vin Scully is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time

Yeah, no, definitely. He is the best play-by-play broadcaster of all time. He has moments that you could put in a dictionary. Like you could fill a dictionary with just thousands of pages... If I could have 1% of the success that he had, that would be a successful career. He is the best ever.

The Cleveland Browns are the 'rapist franchise' for betting on a light Deshaun Watson sentence

Anytime you're like I'm betting on a sex criminal getting a light sentence. That's the good thing that can happen for me. You're fucked. It's also like betting on Hitler to win World War II. Right? It's like you won, but it's like now you're the rapist franchise. Yeah. Congratulations.

Lamar Jackson has a very high ceiling for his sex life because of how weird he is

Lamar is such a fucking weird guy. I can't even fathom how he fucks. Like him being his own agent is weird, but it could be that kind of thing where it's like a weird guy often has either he can't fuck at all. Or he has top shelf Dick. Right? ... I'm kind of thinking Lamar's got, he's so strange. But when he zeros in on pussy, he goes fucking be on it.

Tua Tagovailoa's stock is a sell because he married his college sweetheart in Miami

He just got married to his college sweetheart. Oh. Which is weird, like far outside of college... Miami. Yeah. Like he went to Miami and then he is like, you know what girl I met in Alabama. Sell your fucking Tua stock. He's sick-fuck wise, that's the nail in the coffin. He's done. He'll be in the CFL in two years.

Doug Peterson fucks with the visor on and is likely a swinger

Doug Peterson, he fucks with the visor on... [Big Cat: He definitely seems like absolutely... leave the garage cracked... come on in, got a hot tub... The whole cul-de-sac is coming to Doug Peterson's house.] He's got like seven different blenders in his room. Like here's my, this is my Thai room here.

Russell Wilson probably invites his trainer to help him with dry reps in the bedroom

I actually think that Russell Wilson probably like cares so much about doing a good job that he would like invite his trainer to help him with... dry reps on the practice field. He probably does that in front of the mirror. Just like fully hard, no partner. Just working on his cross.

Aaron Rodgers will win another Super Bowl because he has something to prove

Rogers... he's fucking for four days straight... And he's got something to prove. He's gonna win another. I know it. Because it just, it's gonna kill me. Because I love just being like, if you have one Super Bowl you have none. No, he's gonna win another.

Kirk Cousins wears three condoms and a dental dam for max protection

Kirk Cousins is like vegan adjacent. He wears three condoms and a dental dam or whatever. Max protection... No flavor whatsoever going on in that fuck session... He's getting head with a condom on. We've gotta be safe.

Pete Carroll has the best sex of any NFL head coach

Pete Carroll has great... probably the best sex of any NFL head coach. But in my mind he's having sex with like a beautiful female version of exactly Pete Carroll. [Stavros: Watching Pete Carroll chew gum would get my pussy drenched.] They're fucking in the rain. He's still got the raincoat on top.

The Kansas City Chiefs will be the 2022 Super Bowl Champions

Super Bowl champion, Kansas City Chiefs, from what we've gone through... it's gonna be Chiefs versus who in the NFC dude, do we, who do we decide? Brady?

Bill Gates is a loser for using his hall pass on a woman his own age

Bill Gates is such a fucking loser. He could have any girl in the world. His wife gave him a hall pass and he fucked someone his exact same age... Money buys everything. [PFT: He might be the exception.] Instead he was like, yeah, remember that when I was 16 and we kissed underneath the bleachers... but she's also 70. You have no imagination.

The breakup of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend will be the greatest day on the internet

I can't wait for Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. It's gonna be the best day on the internet. Like all these people being like, what is love anymore? ... It will be the greatest breakup of all time... Their private life must be a horror show. John legend... that's the kind of guy that cheats as he gets older. He's gonna do it like in a classy way.

We are getting ripped off because guests aren't paying us $50,000 to appear on the podcast

We're getting ripped off as a podcast because that came out yesterday saying that people are paying up to $50,000 to appear on podcast. No one's ever even approached us and asked us to pay for coming on our podcast. In fact, it's only been the other way around... We should start billing people that have already been on the show.

I was the first to report that Trevor Penning is a savage

There's this dude I've been watching since early college... Trevor Penning. I kind of feel like one of those guys, like I was following them when they're small. So now basically he just got kicked out of Saints camp for going too hard. He's an absolute animal... now everyone's on it... I was there when he was doing this. Just make sure the internet knows that Billy had it first.

Neutrogena has discontinued the face wash I have used my entire life

I'm pretty sure the face wash I've been using my whole life has been discontinued... probably like middle school. And I've gone to like five or six CVSs... Neutrogena website, sorry for the inconvenience we're sold out. On Amazon it's going for $70. I've transferred to Cetaphil.