Coach K’s empire at Duke is officially crumbling

We're totally sidetracking that Duke is—the whole entire empire is crumbling, Hank. Coach K has nothing. He has nothing left.

Jalen Johnson is a quitter for opting out of the Duke season

[Jalen Johnson] is a quitter. However, as a Dookie, a diehard Cameron Crazy runs in my blood... If they had a shot, even a chance—they're clearly not going to make the tournament. They're terrible this year. If it was like they were even a bubble team or close to a bubble team and he quit now, it'd be like, alright, fuck this guy forever.

Marcus Mariota would be a perfect trade target for the Pittsburgh Steelers

I feel like Marcus Mariota is the guy that nobody's talking about out there... Here's what I would do, though, if I were the Pittsburgh Steelers. I would trade for Marcus Mariota to sit behind Ben for one year.

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.