The Home Run Derby has become way too complicated with clocks and Statcast data

The only reason I care about [the Home Run Derby rules] is because they took what was quite literally the simplest competition in sports, which is hit ball over fence... and then they put a clock in it. They added extra time based on a Statcast. They started measuring exit velocity. Timeouts should never be incorporated into the Home Run Derby. It's a very simple process.

Big Ben's year 18 diet is just a relatable attempt to outrun aging

I likened it to, after a long weekend of drinking and eating terrible food. And you say to yourself, you know what, I'm going to eat a salad on Monday. Everything will I'll maybe do 20 pushups. Wow. I'm back. That's what Big Ben is doing as a career where he spent 17 years eating PF Chang and doing whatever he wants. And then year 18. He's like, why is Tom Brady playing still? Oh, because he eats healthy. You know what, honey, get me a vegetable.

Ben Roethlisberger's new diet is actually just the TB12 method but more strict

The report was that [Ben Roethlisberger] is doing the TB12 method. Except the Ben Roethlisberger method is more strict than the TB12 method. It's basically like no meat before breakfast. He's probably going to see how long he can fast.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.