Tom Brady will never die

Tom Brady will never die. ... Even when he got the ball back again down seven or down six, you knew he was gonna win the game.

Tom Brady's arm is still there, but he clearly doesn't trust his offensive line anymore

His arm is still there. It's just that he doesn't trust his offensive line and it's so apparent... Because he doesn't want to get hit, why would you if you're 45 years old? He will bail out of plays early or he won't stand in it as long... He is dumping down constantly because he's like, I don't trust these guys.

The Saints are afraid to play Jameis Winston because they know they mishandled his earlier injury

I have a conspiracy theory... I think the Saints know that they fucked up his injury when it happened when they put [Jameis Winston] back in. And I think that they're trying to make sure that they're doing the right thing for his health on the back end of it... That's why I think that we're not getting James. They're afraid to play him right now.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.