Juan Soto is Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds combined

I'm gonna miss him. [Juan Soto] is 23. He's Ted Williams. He might be better than Ted Williams. He's Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds combined.

The Washington Nationals were never going to re-sign Juan Soto

The Nationals were never going to re-sign him. So you've got a lot... the Padres aren't going to re-sign him. The Yankees are, the Dodgers are the only two teams that are going to afford Juan Soto.

The Chicago Cubs look like idiots for not trading Wilson Contreras at the deadline

The Cubs who didn't trade Wilson Contreras... he's gonna walk for a huge bag at the end of the year and then the Cubs will be like, oh, we got a compensatory pick. That's way worse. They literally dangled this guy for an entire month, they won't give him an extension and now they don't trade him and they look like idiots.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.