Kiko Alonso should be suspended and punished severely for his hit on Joe Flacco

Kiko Alonso, should he be suspended forever? He should be covered in birdseed and strapped to the top of a mountain. [Joe Flacco's] hair looked pretty fucking sweet when his helmet popped off... but [Alonso's hit] was [awful].

Crying blood or bleeding from the ear makes a football player look more badass

His ear, having a bloody ear is just a badass look. There are certain orifices that when you bleed out of them, you look like you're Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator... If you cry blood, that's one. If you have blood coming out of your ear, that's another.

Jonathan Quinn is the worst quarterback to ever play more than one game in the NFL

Jonathan Quinn might be the worst quarterback to ever play more than one game in the NFL.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.