I hope Nyquist the horse dies because his Twitter account is run by a nerd

I now am fascinated with Nyquist the horse... I hope Nyquist dies. I'll say it. Biggest piece of shit horse. And you know what, Nyquist? That's your horse owner's fault for running a shitty Twitter account. I wouldn't have wished death on you if you just had a semi-normal person running her Twitter account.

Gorillas are more valuable than humans because they are the patriarch of human invention

Technically humans, all those things that are invented by humans, humans are invented by gorillas, right? Like evolution. So wouldn't you say that gorillas are more valuable than humans? They're the patriarch of all those things. They're basically God.

Nick Saban will shiv and gut Jim Harbaugh to win football games

I have a feeling Jim Harbaugh thinks that this is like a fight that can just be played out on the field. And then next thing you know, Nick Saban's going to shiv him in to the side and gut him to death. But literally. Nick Saban will stab a man if it means winning more football games.

There will not be a Major League Baseball season next year because of the CBA negotiations

Next up, we're just not gonna have baseball next year. ... In its next CBA, the league is proposing a max contract. The length of five years for free agent players switching teams, six years to retain their own players. No deferred contracts. ... It just feels like we're so far away. I don't know.

The WNBA should be doing more to protect Caitlin Clark as their cash cow

They are though. Like it is kind of crazy that they aren't like they should be protecting her. Their cash cow a little bit. ... I mean she does make them the most amount of money.

To have a great sports league, you need a couple of dominant dynasties rather than total parity every year

Adam Silver saying the goal over time has been, and I've said it to be more NFL like where you believe your team has a shot. ... he also likes the parity, which I, I can't like parity is fun to a point. But dynasties are what get people, you know, upset and passionate. Like dynasties are, you know, teams of the decade and all that stuff. So you can't have just a new winner every single year. You need a couple dynasties.