Kyle Trask's facial hair makes him look like a mediocre 6th-inning reliever, not a franchise quarterback

If you were scouting this crop of quarterbacks, Kyle Trask's facial hair is a huge negative. That is not a franchise quarterback. That is a... like a 6th-inning reliever. Maybe a long reliever. Not a good reliever, I'm talking about a guy who comes in when someone gets shelled.

The NFL should let Bill Belichick or Nick Saban coach the Browns for their playoff game

The real solution, and I'm being dead serious on this: they should just be like, 'Bill Belichick can coach the Browns this week.' Wouldn't that be the greatest entertainment to be like, 'Okay, let's see how great of a coach you are, Belichick.' You show up, five days to prep the team. Browns fans would absolutely take it.

The Browns are a team of destiny because the Super Bowl is the anniversary of their mascot dog Swagger's death

I got a little sliver of hope for Browns fans. And that's that you are a team of destiny... the Super Bowl is being on the one-year anniversary of Swagger's death. Their dog died a year ago on the exact date of the Super Bowl... Swagger one laid the foundation for Swagger two to come in and turn the Browns into a winning team. One year later, I feel like they get that team of destiny vibe.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.