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HankHank

Peyton Manning's Super Bowl win with the Broncos doesn't really count

Peyton won two... The Broncos [win] didn't really count. That's an asterisk per Hank.

Peyton Manning officially won Super Bowl 50; declaring it doesn't count is purely subjective (and biased).

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Loss
Jan 24, 2020
#25302
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Enron is due for a massive comeback

A little investment tip, Enron. It's bound to bounce back. It has to. It is due.

Enron filed for bankruptcy in 2001 and its stock is worthless; it is not bouncing back.
Loss
Jan 24, 2020
#4138
Big CatBig Cat

Zion Williamson is a bonafide bust

Zion is a bust. Parentheses: I went to sleep at halftime.

Zion had an incredible second half in his debut and became an All-Star, proving this satirical take incorrect.
Win
Jan 24, 2020
#4139
Big CatBig Cat

Zion Williamson is always one bad weekend away from being fat

He is not fat, but he's always a bad weekend away from being fat. A bachelor party, going on a trip. Maybe a trip to New Orleans... you come into work on Monday and everyone looks at you like you got stung by a bunch of bees.

Weight and conditioning became recurring issues throughout Zion's early career, often sidelined by injury.

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HankHank

Tom Brady helping Mike Macdonald prepare for the Patriots would be a huge slap in the face to the New England region.

That would be egregious if that was true. I don't believe it is true. But if it were, that would be unforgivable. Not unforgivable. That would be a, a blemish, a big blemish. Big time. It'd be a slap in the face of the whole region.

Subjective opinion on how a hypothetical rumor would be perceived.
Void
HankHank

Jayson Tatum is playing cute by claiming he found out about the Jaylen Brown trade on social media.

I'm sure he knew that he was on the trading block and he didn't know specifically when he got traded and he found out just like everyone else... all Brad Stevens, Jaylen Brown, they talked about how, you know, he was gonna be on the trading block and they were gonna try and move him. So I'm sure Jayson Tatum was also aware of that. But in terms of, he's probably playing a little, a little cutesy there where like no one specifically told him, 'Hey, this is the trade.' He found out like everyone else. But I'm sure he was not surprised and fully aware what the plan was.

Subjective interpretation of Tatum's PR framing.
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HankHank

The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

The trade just happened in the fictional 2026 timeline provided; further moves are pending.