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HankHank

Worcestershire, bouillabaisse, prosciutto, and onomatopoeia are not found in chocolate milk

I mean, honestly, fuck the chocolate milk, people. This is the ad read. Not found in chocolate milk: Worcestershire, Bola Babasi, Prosciutto, Onomatopoeia. Chocolate milk may not help with reading, but it's a great choice to help with recovery.

Empirically correct: Worcestershire is a fermented sauce, bouillabaisse is a French fish stew, prosciutto is cured Italian ham, and onomatopoeia is a literary device. None of them are in chocolate milk. The chocolate milk people also turned out to be right that it didn't help with reading — Hank rendered "bouillabaisse" as "Bola Babasi" on a script the sales team wrote specifically to make him stumble.

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Baker Mayfield will be a successful quarterback for the Cleveland Browns

I actually think this [Baker Mayfield] is going to work, and I know that's like stepping out on a very, very thin branch saying a Browns quarterback that they drafted really high might actually work, but I like Baker Mayfield. I like him a lot. I think that he is a very, very good quarterback and I like the competitiveness.

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Josh Allen is a perfect fit for the Buffalo Bills because he has big hands for the cold weather

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Josh Rosen, I like Josh Rosen. I had him ranked number one on the Big Cat Big Board because I think he's the best passer.

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Tom Brady helping Mike Macdonald prepare for the Patriots would be a huge slap in the face to the New England region.

That would be egregious if that was true. I don't believe it is true. But if it were, that would be unforgivable. Not unforgivable. That would be a, a blemish, a big blemish. Big time. It'd be a slap in the face of the whole region.

Subjective opinion on how a hypothetical rumor would be perceived.
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Jayson Tatum is playing cute by claiming he found out about the Jaylen Brown trade on social media.

I'm sure he knew that he was on the trading block and he didn't know specifically when he got traded and he found out just like everyone else... all Brad Stevens, Jaylen Brown, they talked about how, you know, he was gonna be on the trading block and they were gonna try and move him. So I'm sure Jayson Tatum was also aware of that. But in terms of, he's probably playing a little, a little cutesy there where like no one specifically told him, 'Hey, this is the trade.' He found out like everyone else. But I'm sure he was not surprised and fully aware what the plan was.

Subjective interpretation of Tatum's PR framing.
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The Celtics have another major move coming following the Jaylen Brown trade

There's something going on here. I I said it to Max on the boat yesterday. I was like, Jalen Brown was getting traded. I could, I could just feel it. I could feel it coming... I feel like the Paul George thing is, there's the, like, they might be doing another trade. There's another move coming.

The trade just happened in the fictional 2026 timeline provided; further moves are pending.