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Win
Apr 27, 2018
#30406
HankHank

Worcestershire, bouillabaisse, prosciutto, and onomatopoeia are not found in chocolate milk

I mean, honestly, fuck the chocolate milk, people. This is the ad read. Not found in chocolate milk: Worcestershire, Bola Babasi, Prosciutto, Onomatopoeia. Chocolate milk may not help with reading, but it's a great choice to help with recovery.

Empirically correct: Worcestershire is a fermented sauce, bouillabaisse is a French fish stew, prosciutto is cured Italian ham, and onomatopoeia is a literary device. None of them are in chocolate milk. The chocolate milk people also turned out to be right that it didn't help with reading — Hank rendered "bouillabaisse" as "Bola Babasi" on a script the sales team wrote specifically to make him stumble.

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Honk on Phonics

Honk on Phonics

Every mispronunciation, malapropism, and creative reading from Hank Lockwood — the self-described "phonetic reader" who went 27 years without knowing how to say pint, turned OBGYN into ob-jen (twice), and gave the English language "post mostly."

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Push
Apr 27, 2018
#6055
Big CatBig Cat

Baker Mayfield will be a successful quarterback for the Cleveland Browns

I actually think this [Baker Mayfield] is going to work, and I know that's like stepping out on a very, very thin branch saying a Browns quarterback that they drafted really high might actually work, but I like Baker Mayfield. I like him a lot. I think that he is a very, very good quarterback and I like the competitiveness.

Baker Mayfield had initial success with the Browns, leading them to their first playoff win in decades, but was eventually traded after inconsistencies and injuries. He didn't become the long-term franchise savior but was better than most previous Browns QBs.
Win
Apr 27, 2018
#6058
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Josh Allen is a perfect fit for the Buffalo Bills because he has big hands for the cold weather

I think that's a great fit for Bills Mafia. I think it's a great fit for, you know, people forget it's cold. Cold, windy, snowy up there. Big hands. Josh Allen checks off all those boxes. Fucking awesome.

Josh Allen became one of the best quarterbacks in the league and a perfect fit for the Buffalo franchise and weather.
Loss
Apr 27, 2018
#6060
Big CatBig Cat

Josh Rosen is the best passer in the 2018 NFL Draft class

Josh Rosen, I like Josh Rosen. I had him ranked number one on the Big Cat Big Board because I think he's the best passer.

Josh Rosen struggled significantly in the NFL, was traded after one year by the Cardinals, and never established himself as a starter, let alone the best passer of the class which included Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson.

More from Hank

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Open
Sep 9, 2026·Picks
#31360
HankHank

The Patriots will three-peat by beating the Rams

Super Bowl threepeat: Patriots versus Rams. Patriots win again. ... By week 12, week 13, much to the chagrin of the world and especially this podcast, the Patriots will ... once again be a powerhouse.

The 2026 Super Bowl and Patriots season outcome have not occurred as of the episode date.
Open
Sep 9, 2026·Picks
#31361
HankHank

Drake May will win MVP

I have Drake May as MVP.

The 2026 NFL MVP has not been awarded as of the episode date.
Void
Sep 4, 2026·Mt. Rushmore
#31324
HankHank

The DMV is the worst line to wait in

DMV. Great pick. That's gotta be one one. Gotta be because it goes out of order too. Yeah. That bullshit. It is. Pick number sucks.

Subjective opinion on waiting in line.