Dana White is looking bloated and out of shape

Dana White, a story that's not being talked about, he's looking pretty fat. Like he's bloated. I don't know. Maybe that those billions that he got has gone to his head... standing takes so much effort. Standing is not fun for guys who are overweight, and he's like, I'm going to lean all my body weight on this podium because I cannot stand up anymore.

Salmonella is like the chicken pox; once you get it once, you can never get it again

No, because if you get salmonella, then you don't have to worry about getting it again so you can eat cookie dough and stuff. Nope, [you] don't have to worry about it.

Lonzo Ball playing well in Summer League means the Showtime Lakers are back

The Lakers are back. Oh! The Lake Show is back. So Lonzo Ball's been playing pretty well in the Summer League, and so that can only mean one thing, and that's the Showtime Lakers are back.

The Eagles front office and coaching staff authorized a hatchet job against Jalen Hurts

There are some people in that still work for the Eagles in the front office and the coaching ranks of the Philadelphia Eagles that authorized a hatchet job against their starting quarterbacks. Not just your [Kevin Patullo]s, not just the guys that used to work there... There's some guys inside those walls that gave the go ahead and the green light to run a clear hit piece against the guy.

Danny Hurley will be the best bald coach in sports history if he wins a third championship

I think that would make Danny Hurley the best bald coach in sports history. The only other option could be Red Auerbach, but he wasn't bald for his entire career. I think right now he's already on the Mount Rushmore of bald head coaches. But if he wins a third, that puts you in rarefied air.

Both Final Four games will be decided by five points or fewer

Both [games] are gonna be within five... I think they're both gonna be close games. America's the real winner. That's my take.