I am going to make pooping your pants as an adult socially acceptable

None of it comes even close to what I'm trying to accomplish when it comes to making pooping your pants as an adult not something to be ashamed of. I'm a 31-year-old man. I make mistakes just like you... If this happens to you, don't be ashamed. I'm here for you. I want to give a voice to the voiceless, the grown adults out there.

Lionel Messi is afraid of killing everyone in Argentina because he chokes so much

Messi's afraid of killing everybody in Argentina because he chokes so much. So he's doing the right thing and dropping out. And I'd like to see players in the U.S. start to drop out for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.

Lionel Messi lacks the clutch gene and is likely a relative of Nazi Josef Mengele

I think that Messi might be a relative of a Nazi because a lot of them went to Argentina after the war to try to escape. Now, there was a doctor [Josef Mengele]... He was unable to uncover the clutch gene and isolate it. And that's why, you know, like Hitler, if he had had the clutch gene, he probably wouldn't have choked... Mingel moved to South America, had sex with an Argentinian. A few years later you get [Messi].

The MLB All-Star Game is boring and the National League should have won easily

This game was pretty boring. I gotta be honest. The Allstar game was kind of boring. Kind of ironic that the American League wins in a year where it feels like the American League is just, you know, they've getting their ass kicked by the National League. And then if you look at the star power on each team, it feels like the National League should win this pretty easily.

The US is hosting the World Cup and shouldn't be playing weekday matches at 2 PM just to cater to the European TV audience.

I got one thing to complain about with these games. Why are we playing them at 2:00 PM on a weekday? We're trying to get the European audience for sure. But it's our World Cup. We're hosting it. We should be playing these kickoffs, should be at 6:00 PM at the earliest.

Jared Goff is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL and should be ranked higher than Dak Prescott and Justin Herbert.

Jared Goff should be higher too. Jared should be six. Jared Goff, if you look at his stats, since he's joined the Lions outside that very first year, but his recent stats, he's been one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. You can't really make an argument otherwise.