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Loss
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Two sprained ankles is better than one because at least you're symmetrical

We got Jason Witten. Two sprained ankles. You know the old saying in the NFL, if you've got two sprained ankles, you don't have one. And I'd rather have both my feet hurt than just one because now at least you're symmetrical. Jason Witten, he's hurt, not injured.

Two sprained ankles is not better than one. Symmetry does not mitigate the severity of two injuries.

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Loss
Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20450
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

If you're PC police, you have to tell me — otherwise it's entrapment

If you're a PC police, you have to tell me. Otherwise, it's entrapment. I know my rights.

This is not how entrapment works. Satirizing the common misconception that undercover cops have to identify themselves, applied to 'PC police.'
Void
Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20451
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

James Harrison was right to take away his son's participation trophy

He made some news last month when he rightfully stole his six-year-old son's participation trophy because he didn't feel that his son had earned it. And while Harrison was without a doubt correct in doing this, he didn't have to throw it all over the news to get a pat on the back from the national media just for doing the right thing that he's supposed to do.

Harrison actually did this in August 2015 and it was widely debated. Whether he was right is a matter of opinion.
Void
Oct 8, 2015·Monologue
#20452
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Steelers are a team that conducts business the right way

Overall, the Steelers are their team that conducts business the right way. In fact, I think it was team owner Art Rooney that pulled Harrison aside and really backed him up back in 2008 when Harrison got arrested for domestic assault. Of course, I'm not here to condone domestic assault, but you have to look at the facts and wait for all the facts to come out.

Heavy sarcasm. Praising the Steelers' culture while referencing Harrison's 2008 domestic assault arrest to satirize the 'they do things the right way' narrative.

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Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Rays are playing an exciting brand of baseball

It's a very, very exciting brand of baseball. And I'm gonna miss it when it's over. So I did not wanna sweep, so thank you.

This is a subjective assessment of style and cannot be definitively judged.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Cowboys are a bad football team

The Cowboys are a bad football team. And I can't wait for people to start to say like, this is when, look at the schedule. Dallas is gonna put some wins together.

The quality of a team is partly evaluative, though the season's playoff result could test the narrower claim that Dallas is not a serious championship threat.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Performance-enhancing drug shortages may explain dominant teams falling off

There started to be severe, severe supply chain issues when it came to performance enhancing drugs and peptide shipments coming to the United States. I just think it's interesting.

This speculative causal theory is not established by the transcript or otherwise verifiable from the available context.