I am going to make pooping your pants as an adult socially acceptable

None of it comes even close to what I'm trying to accomplish when it comes to making pooping your pants as an adult not something to be ashamed of. I'm a 31-year-old man. I make mistakes just like you... If this happens to you, don't be ashamed. I'm here for you. I want to give a voice to the voiceless, the grown adults out there.

Lionel Messi is afraid of killing everyone in Argentina because he chokes so much

Messi's afraid of killing everybody in Argentina because he chokes so much. So he's doing the right thing and dropping out. And I'd like to see players in the U.S. start to drop out for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.

Lionel Messi lacks the clutch gene and is likely a relative of Nazi Josef Mengele

I think that Messi might be a relative of a Nazi because a lot of them went to Argentina after the war to try to escape. Now, there was a doctor [Josef Mengele]... He was unable to uncover the clutch gene and isolate it. And that's why, you know, like Hitler, if he had had the clutch gene, he probably wouldn't have choked... Mingel moved to South America, had sex with an Argentinian. A few years later you get [Messi].

The Ravens' fourth-quarter problems are moving earlier

Historically, the fourth-quarter Ravens have not been a great team. That fourth-quarter Ravens has started to creep its way into the third-quarter Ravens. And I think eventually it's going to keep creeping earlier and earlier in the game. I don't think it's going to get better because the defense does not look good.

Baker Mayfield has a real revenge game against Cleveland

This is like a big Baker revenge spot too. This is not a made-up Baker—I have a perceived slight against me because some team didn't trade for me when I was on the market. This is Baker Mayfield against Stefanski, and they haven't talked since he left Cleveland.

The NFL should reduce the season to 16 games

I'm going to say it. I think that 17 games is too much. I like the scarcity. I like if you brought it back to 16, because the NFL's also been playing this game for a long time where they have to find safer-looking ways to do a dangerous activity.