Takes

Kobe Bryant is the GOAT over LeBron and Jordan because he won an Oscar

Kobe Bryant, our supporter, just won an Oscar. MJ and LeBron trash. He's our GOAT. And this proves it. How many Oscars has LeBron and MJ won? That's right. Zero.

James Harden didn't just break Wesley Johnson's ankles, he snatched his soul by making the shot

It's so cocky because I think we all agree, if James Harden misses that shot... the soul-taking doesn't take place. It's just an ankle-breaking. When you make the shot, it's a soul snatch. And so James Harden was so cocky and just like, I'm just going to stand here for an extra beat.

Kevin Love is reading The Godfather to try and bond with LeBron James

Kevin Love is reading The Godfather... He's getting on LeBron's level. They're going to have a lot to talk about. They're going to sit next to each other on plane rides and just talk about Fredo.

Lonzo Ball needs to fix his shot after losing to Bow Wow

If you lose to Lil' Bow Wow with no shoes on, you have to then go fix your shot. ... I know everyone says, oh, don't mess with Lonzo's game. [But] you have to then go fix your shot.

Zaza Pachulia is the biggest threat to the NBA's health because he hurts superstars

The NBA is probably the healthiest league overall when you think about growth. Zaza Pachulia is the one thing that could break it all down because he just hurts people left and right... He hurt Kevin Durant, his own player. He hurt Kawhi, the Spurs... The guy is a menace.

NBA players are completely open about having been paid in college

[Do you talk to guys in the NBA circles that you know got paid? Are they open about it?] Absolutely. Yeah. And it's just kind of like, yeah, of course I got paid. Why wouldn't I have gotten paid? Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. It's like, yeah, I got paid. Who cares? They're gone now.

LeBron James' tears after winning the Cleveland championship were fake

I'm not a huge LeBron fan. I feel like he's very calculated. I felt like when he cried after he won it for Cleveland, he felt like he had to cry because MJ cried when he came back and did his thing and it made it emotional. Fake tears.

Kobe Bryant is the real GOAT because he doesn't need a debate partner

LeBron versus MJ is the GOAT debate... that means that LeBron and MJ need each other to be a part of the goat discussion... which means Kobe's the goat. Kobe doesn't need LeBron or MJ to be considered a goat debate. They're just Kobe. He'd debate against himself. Kobe 8 versus Kobe 24.

Defense in the NBA All-Star game is not fun

they decided to play defense in the All-Star game, so that's not fun. Especially for those of us that had the over.

NBA playoff seeding should be based on a team's record against the gambling spread

I like for playoff seeding, I think we should do instead of best record, it should be best record against the spread. Let everyone start actually playing for the spread. It would be unbelievable if teams are up by like seven and the spread's nine and they're just gunning.

Donovan Mitchell will win the NBA Slam Dunk Contest

I'm going to go with my pick. Ready? You want to pick? Donovan Mitchell. Because I feel like to win the dunk contest, you have to have that big time buzz, regular season buzz. He's got that a lot. And so people are going to be like, this is the coronation of Donovan Mitchell.

LeBron James is a better all-around player than Michael Jordan, but I trust Jordan more at the end of a game

I will say LeBron is better all around, but I trust Michael at the end of the game.

The dumbest argument in sports is saying 'anybody could coach that team' because they have talent

One of the Suns players took a little shot at Steve Kerr on the way out. He's like, I guess it shows that anybody can coach that team. Oh, yeah, I like that. That's the dumbest argument in all of sports. ... They did it with Spoelstra. They still do it with Phil Jackson. ... if you try to get everyone to get along... look at the Cavs this year. These guys don't get along. They don't play well together just because you have the best player.

Brad Stevens made the Isaiah Thomas 'Brinks truck' conversation possible

Brad Stevens basically has, like, he made Isaiah Thomas. I don't want to say made him who he is, but he made the conversation of a Brinks truck possible. ... Have you seen these other guys after they left Boston? I mean, that's a big case in my point.

DeMarcus Cousins will never be the same elite player after his Achilles injury

That Achilles, if you are over 25 years old... the history is bad. Like that you will ever be even close to the player that you are. It's almost, I don't want to be too gloom and doom, but it's pretty gloomy and doomy. Like, you will not be the player you used to be, especially if you're a big guy.

NBA tampering rules are stupid and assume players are too dumb to understand cap space

Tampering, it is stupid that the NBA even has tampering. Everybody tampers in the league. Tampering in general assumes that NBA players are too stupid to understand cap space or that like, oh, if Magic Johnson doesn't tell you, then there's no way that Paul George would possibly know there's clearing cap room for him.

The Bulls would secure the #1 pick if they played Cameron Payne 48 minutes a night

The Bulls have a secret weapon. They're bringing back Cameron Payne, who's the best. If they just play him 48 minutes a night, the Bulls will get the first pick. I'm guaranteeing that.

Markelle Fultz should get drunk to fix his broken shooting hitch

My advice [for Markelle Fultz] would just be get drunk and start practicing. Because some people are better at beer pong when they're drunk. Some people are better at darts when they've had a couple beers in them. Just have a couple of Yeunglings before practice and just see where that goes.

NBA players are collectively addicted to wine

The NBA has a drinking problem. ... It's come out that every single person in the NBA gets drunk off wine every single night. And Jimmy Butler rolls around like a case of Pinot Noir. Carmelo's a sommelier. ... Kevin Love says that LeBron has a supercomputer in his brain for analyzing wine.

I am officially smashing the panic button on the Celtics

I'm smashing the panic button. Smash. Panic button might be broken. I hit it so hard. I really thought... [the Celtics] could beat the Cavs. Maybe if they got lucky, beat the Warriors. [But after today] there's really no hope for, like, another two years.

The Cavaliers became a much better team by getting younger and more athletic at the trade deadline

LeBron actually made his team better... He got younger, more athletic. They stopped doing the whole, like, let's just get these veterans on the league minimum to come and all my friends will come and hang out and we'll try to beat the Warriors. Not going to work. So they got younger, better.

The Cavaliers' trade deadline moves make LeBron James more likely to leave Cleveland in free agency

The way that [LeBron James] structured these trades actually made it seem like he's, in my opinion, more likely to go. I don't think that he's going to stick around Cleveland. I think that's pretty obvious.

The Boston Celtics have regressed defensively compared to their early-season dominance

I think the Celtics have actually regressed a little bit defensively. Some of that is that it was just a shock that they were clearing away the number one defensive team in the league because I didn't really expect that, especially with the overhaul of young players.

Cleveland is not in 'fourth place' for LeBron James; they have a realistic chance to keep him

If I were rating these things, people act like Cleveland is in fourth place for the LeBron pursuit this offseason, and I just don't believe that's true.

Golden State is still significantly better than any other NBA team, regardless of mid-season momentum from Houston or OKC

As good as Houston's looked against them, as good as OKC looked the other night against them, I just know that there's a version of Golden State that I still trust is better than everybody else... Let's not let 'new' get in the way of what Golden State still is. And Golden State is on year four of maybe the best team we've ever seen in the history of this league.

Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal would have won six championships if they had stayed together on the Lakers

If those two [Kobe and Shaq] could figure out a way to make it work, they could be a really good duo. They could probably win four in a row... Five, six, yeah. Unlimited. Sky's the limit with those two.

Isaiah Thomas is a mole sent by Danny Ainge to mess up the Cleveland Cavaliers

I'm of the opinion that Isaiah Thomas is a mole. I think that he has been sent to the team... I think this was all worked out. I think it's a fake feud between him and Danny Ainge... We need you to go over there, mess them up, call out Kevin Love, because LeBron's going to be mad because that's his job to call out Kevin Love.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are in serious trouble because they have the worst defense in the league

Up until this week, they had a worse defense than the Sacramento Kings and the Phoenix Suns, who are actively trying to lose games. Cleveland is actually trying to win if they were that bad. So yeah, I do think they're in trouble because they can't defend anyone. And their offense, because Isaiah Thomas can't get a shot right now... isn't quite good enough.

The Detroit Pistons might be a top three team in the Eastern Conference with Blake Griffin

They might have [become top three], because they don't have a ton of depth, but Blake Griffin is really good... between him and Andre Drummond actually carrying this season and a little bit of good coaching from Stan Van Gundy, Boston's up there... Detroit can get in there.

The Milwaukee Bucks will win the Eastern Conference if they stay healthy

The Bucks, I'm going to go not fraud. Not fraud in the East because they got rid of Jason Kidd who was terrible... and Giannis is an alien. So if they get healthy, I actually think they go through the East and win. I think it's a lot like the 2007 Cavs where the East was very vulnerable and a young LeBron came through.

Russell Westbrook is the new Allen Iverson: an amazing individual player but not a team guy

I think he's going to end up being like kind of the new Iverson. Amazing individual player, great highlights, real fun, but not quite equipped for analytics... because he can't shoot threes. And so there will always be this inefficient tag to him. And he's just more of an individual than a team guy.

LeBron James considering the Warriors is a savvy leverage move

If he opens up the Warriors, it's like everyone's got to compete with that. ... So he just got instant leverage over everyone, which he already had, but now it's even more.

The Pistons will be the best mediocre team in the NBA following the Blake Griffin trade

The Pistons are basically like, we are going to be the best mediocre team in the NBA. Drummond and Blake are not going to play defense. We're going to give you the five seed for the next ten years of your career in the East, and then you're going to lose to the Celtics and the Cavs.

The Rockets will take down the Warriors if they get hot at the right time

James Harden dropped a 60-point triple-double... So I am officially saying, as of this date, January 31st, I'm a believer that the Rockets, if they get hot for a couple games... they're going to take down the Warriors.

Team LeBron is much better than Team Steph for the All-Star game

Team LeBron is way better than Team Steph. Yes. Yeah, this should be a blowout. I don't understand what Steph was doing, too.

Markelle Fultz is the first basketball player to ever have the yips

He's got the yips. He's the first basketball player to ever have the yips. I don't know. What happened? But I do know that I'm addicted to watching Markelle Fultz free throw videos.

Kevin Love was not actually sick when he left the game against the Thunder

I don't think Kevin Love was sick. I'm going to be the one to say it... I think Kevin Love is maybe like he gets more shit than any other athlete ever. Undeserved shit.

LeBron James' Instagram post to his younger self is the most unintentionally funny thing ever

Every single time you read something [LeBron James] posts, it is like the most unintentionally funny shit that you will ever hear in your life... He invented fourth person. It's him referring to himself, but in the past.

Zion Williamson is basically LeBron Jr.

They landed Zion Williamson, who's basically LeBron Jr., has the craziest mixtapes of him ever.

Zion Williamson has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness

I'm going to squat on a Zion Williamson take. I'm going to say he doesn't have NBA explosiveness. Even though he has like a dunk video where he's just dunking. I'm going to say he has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness.

The 2018 Cavaliers' panic is real and they won't recover this time

For the first time ever, I think the LeBron-like freakout that everyone goes through with every team LeBron's in... I think it's real this time because they gave up 148 points to the Thunder... I don't think he talks to Isaiah Thomas. I think it's like a cold shoulder situation.

The Cavaliers will be the best team in the East by May

Replay that for us in, like, May when the Cavaliers are by far and away the best team in the East.

The NBA should allow players to fight on the court like in hockey

This is why the NBA needs to let the players fight on the court, like in hockey. Because at least you get to monetize it. At least we get to see it happen. Now we're just left imagining.

The Cavaliers are in actual trouble this time

Real take here, I actually do think the Cavs are in trouble this time. Even though I've said this many times before, they go through this similar funk. Save this clip. Stink on defense. And they stink rebounding the ball. And they get bullied.

Dirk Nowitzki is just a poor man's Laurie Markkanen

Fastest player in history to 103 pointers, Laurie Markkanen, the Finn Reaper... I actually think it's reversed now. Dirk is just a junkyard Laurie. He's a poor man's [Markkanen].

The tunnel scuffle with the Rockets was just locker room talk and boys being boys

I can't imagine what everybody back in town was thinking when they heard that is what was happening... Continuity error. No, you're right. It was just a boys will be boys situation... Locker room talk. Yeah, exactly.

LeVar Ball is an deterrent for LeBron James going to the Lakers

This is a huge problem. Dad to dad, this is actually a great piece of news for LeVar Ball because I don't think LeVar Ball has time for a small baller like LeBron in L.A. LeVar wants to make sure that L.A. is a ball town. LeVar Ball actually might do the real outbreak thing and just hover in a helicopter above LAX and not let LeBron land in town.

LaVar Ball is disrupting everything as a small business owner

I love every second of it. LaVar Ball pisses off. Because it's like he's disrupting everything. He's created his own shoe company. He's going to create his own league. Like everything he does is just a small business owner just saying fuck you to the big guys. And guess what? People want to watch.

LaVar Ball is breaking up the Lakers

LeVar Ball was eventually going to have a problem with whoever was coaching Lonzo and make everything super awkward in L.A. I'm really excited to see how badly he can screw it up, though.

Men's scrimmage teams beat the UConn women's team every day

They beat our ass every day... These guys will all be like college players, like Division III, Division II. And they end up coming to school for whatever reason. They came to Connecticut. These guys are good players. So now, anytime it's a test of physical prowess, of course they're going to win. Of course they're going to win. I mean, that's a no-brainer.