Takes

Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man

So you're saying that Nick Saban is a spiteful, vindictive, irrational baby of a man? You think? No doy. I like that this guy actually thought like he was going to just tell Nick Saban he's quitting. And Nick would be like, you know what? Best of luck to you, man.

You don't give Nick Saban a two-week notice; you sneak out in the middle of the night and tweet that you're leaving

You don't put in a two weeks notice at Alabama. That's a move where you slip the janitor 50 bucks to get in in the middle of the night and you just take all your shit out and then you tweet the fact that you're leaving to Nick Saban. That's how you leave.

Mississippi State has the lowest IQ fan base in sports

No disrespect to my wife who's a Mississippi State graduate. I would say probably lowest IQ... I would say definitely Mississippi State.

Mississippi State is going to struggle this year because Dak Prescott is gone

I'm going to say Mississippi State is going to struggle a little bit this year just simply because we don't have Dak Prescott on the field anymore for us.

Tennessee will win the SEC East because they have the fewest question marks

Like in the SEC East, you've got to go with Tennessee just simply because they've got a lot of talent coming back and they don't have as many question marks as, say, like Georgia or Florida or anybody else.

Texas A&M is the sleeper team to contend in the SEC West

But I'm really intrigued, and this is possibly my sleeper team in the SEC West, Texas A&M. Nobody's talking about them. John Chavis is in his second year. I'm going sleeper team to possibly contend Texas A&M.

Dan Mullen won't leave Mississippi State until he has another 10-win season

I think his window of opportunity for leaving went out the window the year that Mississippi State went to number one in 2014, and I think he's going to have to do something or have another 10-win season before he can leave Starkville.

Ole Miss and Alabama have the meanest fan bases in the SEC

Probably Ole Miss and then secondly, Alabama. [They are the meanest in terms of feedback].

Everyone in the SEC cheats, but only the dumb ones get caught

And you know what everybody in the SEC says? Everybody cheats. It's just the dumb ones that get caught.

Alabama can beat the United States criminal justice system

This one [is] could Alabama beat the United States criminal justice system. And the answer is yes... the Louisiana district attorney from Ouachita Parish has declined to press charges on [Cam Robinson and Hootie Jones] for drugs and guns.

Playing football in the South makes you immune to the justice system

This just shows the cultural difference between the North and the South, the anti-pussification of America by Alabama, where if you play football, you basically are immune to the justice system. That's never actually backfired.

Jim Harbaugh is a civil rights leader fighting against NCAA persecution of football

I'm glad that Harbaugh finally has the guts to stand up for Division I major conference men's college football coaches. ... Harbaugh, thank you for standing up for the rights of the most persecuted people in America.

Nick Saban will shiv and gut Jim Harbaugh to win football games

I have a feeling Jim Harbaugh thinks that this is like a fight that can just be played out on the field. And then next thing you know, Nick Saban's going to shiv him in to the side and gut him to death. But literally. Nick Saban will stab a man if it means winning more football games.

Penn State is the toughest Big Ten stadium for opponents but it looks like an erector set with no character

Probably Penn State when they're playing well is a difficult one because it's like an erector set, and it's huge... it doesn't, in my opinion, have that much character. It just looks like it got added onto and added onto another erector set.

The 2003 Fiesta Bowl was won by a bad call in regulation, not the controversial pass interference in overtime

Go back to the film and look at the end of regulation when they said Chris Gamble didn't stay in bounds or whatever. The game should have ended in regulation. So the real bad call was that one... I think if you look at it [the PI call], the guy was mugged.

Ohio State is the toughest atmosphere in the Big Ten

I would probably say, I mean, I got to say Ohio State, you know, I mean, the great atmosphere, loud, you know, I mean, and obviously you're going to play against a good football team when you're there.

Bret Bielema is succeeding at Arkansas more than I expected

I was a skeptic when they hired Bret Bielema because in the SEC, Arkansas is not going to out-recruit Alabama and Auburn and LSU. ... But I got to say, Bielema has proven me wrong a few times. ... He's succeeding more than I thought he would there.

Nebraska football is an unsuccessful program if they aren't playing for championships

I want to see them back. I want to see them, you know, if Nebraska isn't playing for national championships, it's an unsuccessful year.

LSU at night is the hardest stadium to play in the SEC

And the hardest [place to play] is probably like LSU. At night. Yeah, that's rough.

Liking bikini photos on Instagram proves Jim Harbaugh isn't a sociopath

The fact that he's going on Instagram and liking pictures of chicks in bikinis, that means maybe there's some hope for Harbaugh after all. ... Maybe he is human.