Takes

Nick Chubb could rush for 2,000 yards this season

Nick Chubb. Could he do 2,000 yards this year? I think Nick Chubb is probably, he might be my favorite running back in the NFL. He's maybe not the best overall, he's definitely top five, but I think he's my favorite to watch. It would be crazy if Nick Chubb did it while also sharing carries with Kareem Hunt.

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000-yard rushing benchmark for everyone else

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000 yards because he did it right after he was coming off an ACL surgery. So everybody else from that point, if you got an ACL injury, it's like it's not that bad.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Jaguars are being overrated due to beating two injured teams

I'm taking the Eagles here just because I think everyone, I like the Jaguars, nice team. But like put it into perspective, they beat a beat up Colts team that they always beat in Jacksonville and then they beat up a very beat up Chargers team. Then have to fly all the way across the country and play an Eagles team that's rolling. I think it's gonna be a little market correction.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

The Ravens purple jerseys are a brighter shade this season

I have noticed one thing about the Ravens, I think, and I don't think this is just me being weird about it. Their jerseys are brighter this year. Their purple jerseys. I think it's actually a completely different purple.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

The Bengals are a lock as my 'Game of the Month' against the Jets

Bengals minus five. It's my game of the month on the Jets. I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals. It is like a panic button game if they lose this game... they have to win this game.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

Betting the under on NFL prime-time games is a proven winning strategy

My under I'm gonna do the Broncos Niners under 44 and a half. Tommy gave us a stat. It was something like the last 45 prime time games, it's 30 and 15 to the under. And I was like, oh, that's why I lose all my money. So I'm done. I'm gonna try to ride the wave now.

The Raiders and Derek Carr are on different pages regarding 'how to win'

I think we might have a little bit of Josh McDaniels and Derek Carr on different pages watch... Josh McDaniels says 'you can't win until you learn how not to lose.' But now Derek Carr last week said 'we have to learn how to win.' It feels like they're on different pages. It's a red flag.

I'm taking the Broncos -10 over the Texans because of the altitude advantage

Denver Broncos minus 10 makes no sense to me and therefore I'm gonna take it. The Broncos lost in September at home... they're covering machines because of the altitude and the heat... that combo is a killer.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

The Commanders have a top three receiving core in the NFL

I think about the Commanders... I think they have a top three receiving core in the NFL. I think it's like, it's that fucking good.

The Giants are 'big stinky poop' and will lose to the Titans

Titans minus five and a half at home against the Giants. I think the Giants are big stinky poop... I think that the Titans, we have a bad taste in their mouth from them from last year in the playoffs... Ryan Tannehill is good enough to beat the Giants who I think are gonna be very bad this year by six points at home.

Baker Mayfield is ready to beat the Browns in a revenge game

Mine is also a revenge game. It is Carolina minus one and a half against the Browns. Baker is ready. We all know Baker, so we don't know what to expect... Baker is the one guy that I will probably always bet on in a revenge game because he does take it way more seriously.

The Bears will be frisky and cover +7 against the 49ers

I'm just gonna take the biggest [underdog]. The Bears. Seven points week one is a lot... There's a lot of turmoil in San Francisco. Trey Lance, Jimmy G you don't know what's going on... Seven points is the lot in the NFL.

The Cardinals are a must-bet in the month of September

I'm gonna change my underdog to the Cardinals. Cause I did tell you all off season. I have to bet the Cardinals in September... I have the reminder again today. So I'm gonna in that game, we didn't talk about Cardinal's Chiefs is gonna be a very fun afternoon game.

Trayvon Walker will be a bust

I want to say Trayvon Walker, just because like I'm a traits over production guy and that's what the whole draft is... we haven't seen it on field... What are we doing here? ... I would say if I would pick one bust, it would be him.

Nakobe Dean will not be drafted in the first round

There's some medical things with linebackers right now. So I would say Nakobe Dean, who's probably the most productive player on Georgia's defense, the linebacker is not going to get drafted in the first round.

Quay Walker is a lock to be drafted in the first round and will go before Nakobe Dean

Quay Walker is whoa from what I'm hearing, like kind of a lock to be drafted in the first round. And he's a big, he had production, but he was, he's definitely traits over, over production guy.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will win the Super Bowl this season

They're like record... Super bowl. Super bowl winner. Yes.

Hank's parlay: Duke wins the title, Celtics win the championship

Duke Celtics championship future... Duke money line, Kansas money line and Celtics championship... 5,000 pays 115,000. That's it.

Malik Willis is a hybrid of Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson

I think Malik Willis is going to have a really good NFL career... I think he's what they advertise him as he's Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson hybrid.

Malik Willis will either be a Hall of Famer or a complete bust

Like he could actually like, you know, it's either going to translate and he's going to be like Patrick Mahomes or it's not. One of those things where it's... so like hall-of-famer or bust. Exactly. Yep. I like that.

Malik Willis has the most fuckable spiral in the 2022 draft

Number one. Malik Willis. God damn moon bomb. And the thing is, I love how the ball turns over on his long balls. It points up when it's going up and when it's going down, it points down and it looks like an absolute cruise missile.

Malik Willis is a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen

Malik Willis has been said to be, in my opinion, a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen. This is what the people are saying. If you look at Malik's throws from the combine, insane, absolutely crazy type stuff.

The Cincinnati Bengals will defeat the Los Angeles Rams 24-20

I still think it's going to be like 24-20 Cincinnati... I'm reverting back fully to what I felt on Monday morning and I'm going to stick with the Bengals.

The Super Bowl score will be 32-26 Bengals for a Scorigami

The prop is obvious. It's Scorigami on the Barstool Sportsbook... got to be aligned and take 32-26 Bengals. That would be a Scorigami.

Joe Burrow will have over 36.5 pass attempts in the Super Bowl

My prop is Joe Burrow, over 36 and a half pass attempts... four out of the last five games he's hit over that number. I think it'll be a lot of quick passes... for the Bengals to win, Joe Burrow has to pass the ball 40 times.

Lock of the Decade: The opening kickoff of Super Bowl 56 will result in a touchback

This is the lock prop of the century. I don't know how this was my decade literally. I can't comprehend it... opening kickoff to result in a touchback minus 112. I love it. The Bengals win the flip, kick fearsome is going to kick it like out of the stadium.

The Bills vs. Chiefs Over 54.5 is my Game of the Year

I've released my game of the year, the third game of the year, over 54 and a half in [Bills vs. Chiefs]... I haven't lost the game of the year yet... when I say game of the year, I put the chips in the middle. I'm putting, I'm putting the chips in the middle. It's going to be a responsibly large wager for me.

I am betting on the Colts to beat the Cardinals out of spite for the Cardinals' Twitter account

I'm going with the Colts, pick them right now... I'll take them as minus a half... the Cardinals need to lose this game and they have to be forced to tweet about it. Yes. Otherwise I like, whatever, I'll stick with it. I think it's been so long that they're cursed no matter what.

The Baltimore Ravens have a better chance of winning with Tyler Huntley than Lamar Jackson

I feel like the Ravens have a better chance of beating the Bengals with Huntley than they do with Lamar. And not because Lamar is a worse player overall. But I think that whatever offense they're running with Huntley rocks, it's clicking for some reason right now.

Bill Belichick controls the game by keeping it low scoring when he 'needs' to win

My favorite under is Bills, Patriots 43 and a half. I think it's going to be another under game. Belichick likes to keep it low scoring when he really needs to win. And I think this is a need to win for the Patriots.

The Buccaneers will beat the Saints by 100 on Sunday Night Football

The saints have owned Tom Brady, but the saints have taste them hill. Now I don't, I really am not like excited for this game... Tom Brady feels like he's going to break another record. And the bucks are to win by a hundred. My favorite is the Buccaneers minus 10 and a half.

The Cardinals will take out all their anger from last week and blow out the Lions

I'm going to take Arizona Cardinals minus 13 at Detroit get right game. I just don't. I know Deandre Hopkins out for the rest of the season. I just don't know how the lions secondary can hold up on Kyler. I feel like this will be like the Cardinals will take out all their anger from last week to this week.

Josh Allen is the quarterback who gets screwed over most by the referees

Number one quarterback in the entire league [for coverage penalties bailing them out]... It's Aaron Rogers by a long shot. Last place in the entirely... Josh Allen it's Josh Allen gets fucked more than any other quarterback in the NFL. And Aaron Rogers gets bailed out all the time.

The Cowboys -4.5 at Washington is a 'rat line' and the Cowboys will cover

This week is a lot of rats. Therefore it's week routine Ratatouille and I'm just going to take them all... My favorite is the Cowboys minus four and a half versus the Washington Football Team.

Lamar Jackson is a limited passer who stinks at throwing short passes

I will say it with my chest. When I criticize his throwing short passes, he does stink at throwing short passes.

The Detroit Lions are going to start a winning streak this weekend

I love this game. Moneyline Detroit's... I like them winning last week. I was right. You want a winning streak... Boke his seal, monkeys off their back. They broke the seal. They'd been playing well all year. And now that they got it, they want to keep that taste out [of] their mouth.

The Lions will beat the Vikings moneyline this week

I want the Lions to win, but I'm not... I would not touch them with actual money. Nope... I'll take them Moneyline.

Washington's lucky streak is going to run out against the Raiders

Raiders by two and a half... Well, I think, you know, Washington's, time's gonna run out... time's up. You've been kind of getting lucky.

Chargers vs. Bengals will end in a tie

You know what this guy makes me think of right here? This game absolutely makes me think. Tie. Yeah. I predict a tie... My numbers are telling me this is going to be a tie this week.

Tim Boyle should not be in the NFL

What the fuck is Tim Boyle? Why is Tim Boyle in the NFL? ... He wasn't even good at UConn. He actually sucked at UConn. And then he transferred to Eastern Kentucky and had a breakout season his senior year where he threw for 11 touchdowns and 13 interceptions. After sucking at UConn, he sucked at Eastern Kentucky, and now we've just agreed that he's going to be an NFL quarterback?

I am betting on the Lions moneyline because Tim Boyle is so bad it's funny

After all that shit that I talked about Tim Boyle, I'm going to bet on the Lions' money line. I'm betting on Tim Boyle, the worst quarterback maybe ever to play in the NFL.

I am betting the over 41.5 in the Bears-Lions Thanksgiving game

I'm also going to take Tim Boyle. I'm going to take the over 41 and a half in that game. It's the dumbest pick I've ever made... Wouldn't it be cool if it was a Tim Boyle-Andy Dalton shootout?

The Falcons will beat the Jaguars because bird teams are due to move ahead of cat teams all-time

My favorite is going to be the Atlanta Falcons. ... All time in the NFL, bird teams against cat teams are exactly 500. I think it's 209 to 209 and one. They've tied one game. This is going to be the week that it swings in favor of the bird teams.

I am done with the Seahawks; they are a miserable team of has-beens and losers

I think that the Seahawks are just a miserable football team filled with has-beens and losers. ... I hate watching the Seahawks on television. It's probably way worse in person.

The Seahawks will win this week because you don't lose an 'end of an era' game

The big thing with this game is it feels like everyone is writing off, not just the Seahawks but an era. So when you have an era ending, the Pete Carroll, the Russell Wilson era, I feels like you got to take the Seahawks because you don't lose end of an era games.