Takes

Antonio Brown will never play a single game for the Raiders

Here's my take: [Antonio Brown] is not going to ever play a game as a Raider. I think they're either going to cut him. They're probably not going to be able to trade him anywhere.

The Lions' defense will 'fuck up' the Cardinals in Week 1

I think the Detroit Lions are Going to be a little bit better than people expect. I think their defense is going to be very good and I think their defense will fuck up the Cardinals week one. Kyler Murray not-ready-for-prime-time Detroit - two and a half.

The Dolphins will beat the Ravens in Week 1 because of 'Fitzmagic'

My dog is the Dolphins plus 6.5 against the Ravens at home. My seven-win Dolphins. Ryan Fitzmagic. It's early in the season. ... All I'm going off of is last year Ryan Fitzpatrick played well when he first got in.

Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer

I think that Donovan McNabb should be a Hall of Famer. I mean going against him every single year. ... He found ways of run the ball found ways to throw to get the ball down the field. I think that he is a Hall of Fame.

Tony Romo would be a Hall of Famer if he had won one championship

I feel like Tony Romo was a guy [that] if he had his Peak was gonna hit one Championship. [He'd] been [in the Hall of Fame]. Yeah. I probably agree.

The Cowboys can win a championship this season

I feel like they can win a championship this year man. I feel like they can do it, but it's all about how they start off right now with they got a lot of NFC East games coming up early.

Antonio Brown is all the way back and going to be unstoppable

Antonio Brown at the Hard Knocks bump. Yes. He looks like he's all the way back and it's going to be unstoppable.

Ezekiel Elliott is definitely going to play on Sunday

I am I feel like is this crazy to say but anytime a guy [Zeke] like he's gonna play on Sunday. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you will.

The Jaguars (+3.5) will beat the Chiefs in Week 1

Every jackass out there is going to be better on the Chiefs. Not me. I'm going to take the Jags and win because I'm smart.

The Eagles, Seahawks, and Ravens moneyline parlay is a lock that cannot lose

The Philadelphia Eagles at home against the our words [Redskins] win. Seahawks at home against the Bengals. The Ravens in Miami. All the money line parley even money. How does that lose? It cannot lose.

Eli Manning deserves to start for the Giants and shouldn't be benched for the rookie yet

I'm gonna say Eli [over Daniel Jones]... I think he deserves... after the way he was benched two years ago, I think he deserves... One Last [run]. I don't know if you want to throw the rookie in right away.

Philip Rivers would have won six Super Bowls if he played for the Steelers instead of Ben Roethlisberger

I actually think that if you put Phil rivers on the Pittsburgh Steelers instead of Ben Roethlisberger, they probably would have won like six Super Bowls. Philip Rivers was the best quarterback in that draft.

The Vikings will finish 25th in the NFL and stink

Vikings at 14. Vikings are going to finish 25th. Kirk Cousins is on a perfectly average... I think they might finish even lower because the slaughter curse.

Lincoln Riley's offensive gimmicks won't translate to the NFL

All those gimmicks won't play in the NFL. They don't translate. That's how, if you ever want to be a real naysayer online about the genius of Lincoln Riley, just respond to every breakdown of the Oklahoma plays. Be like, if he had to go up against an NFL D lineman, he'd be fucked.

The Minnesota Vikings are officially cursed for the 2019 season after cutting Kyle Sloter

So he [Kyle Sloter] got cut, and now the Vikings are cursed. They're cursed this year. Kirk Cousins might not win a big game. He won't win a big game. The Vikings, who historically have been clutch in the playoffs, aren't going to win the Super Bowl this year.

The Miami Dolphins will win 6 or 7 games in 2019 despite the tanking narrative

I think the Dolphins are going to go 6-10, 7-9. I'll take the under on that [Big Cat's 4 wins]. I've tricked myself into thinking Daniel Jones will be a very good NFL quarterback. That one I could see happening. Because the Dolphins winning seven games is the most insane thing I've ever heard.

The Seahawks will win the NFC West

I like the Seahawks out of the West before before Jadaveon Clowney got traded there just because I think the Rams still make the playoffs. But I think it's very hard to come back from losing in the Super Bowl. It's going to take a little time. I think the Seahawks are going to be a tough, tough team.

There is a 100% chance Andrew Luck plays another snap in the NFL

I'm going to say there's a hundred percent chance that Andrew Luck plays another snap in the NFL. Oh, that's good. You know, why because I can basically keep saying it for the next ten years and by that time I'll be dead and yeah and just be like, oh why I put an expiration date on my own life and Andrew Luck's like potential of who you know, who's out there Andrew Luck. Mmm that will last far longer.

Women are naturally designed to be football kickers

I think that women actually might have a natural advantage in their bodies when it comes to kicking because they don't have those clumsy testicles that you squish them. Sure when you kick true... They're probably designed to be kickers. I'm all for it. Let her kick Let her kick why not her.

The 'Seven-Year Bump' for NFL quarterbacks is real

Somebody actually put the stats together out there... they found out that nineteen out of twenty two quarterbacks entering year 7 had a better touchdown per attempt percentage... everyone except for Jay Cutler had a better completion percentage... Basically the seven-year bump is real.

John Gruden will move on from Derek Carr in a year

Derek Carr, you're a weirdo, dude. Chill out. Dude, you're going to play for a year, and then John Gruden's going to move on.

Nathan Peterman might take Derek Carr's job by the end of the year

Nathan Peterman, I'm going to say it right now, he might take Derek Carr's job by the end of the year... In at least one game, John Gruden will just get pissed off at Derek Carr.

Kyle Sloter should start for the Vikings over Kirk Cousins

Kirk Cousins needs to be benched. Kyle Sloter needs to start the season for the Vikings... This guy's the best fucking player in the history of any league's preseason of all time... If he gets cut, there should be 31 hungry teams chomping at the bit to pick up Sloter.

Nathan Peterman is a rejuvenated and reinvented quarterback

I think that Nathan Peterman, whether it's here or somewhere else this year, if he gets in, I think he's a rejuvenated, reinvented QB, man. This guy, I've been very impressed by Nate so far.

Rob Gronkowski will return to the NFL to play in the December and January games

I would say he [Gronkowski] probably will be back because he'll do the thing where he can basically play the important games in December and January and have fun and not have to deal with all the bullshit.

Luke Willson would not work well in Bill Belichick's system

I don't think the Belichick system would work too well with him [Luke Willson].

Adam Schefter blew up Andrew Luck's retirement timeline and caused the boos in Indianapolis

Schefter did his job, but, dude, you are the reason why the timeline got moved up. You announced it and basically blew up Andrew Luck's entire plan of telling his teammates first and then telling the media... instead, Schefter dropped it in the middle of the third quarter of the game and Andrew Luck then left the field after the game to boos.

The NFL Combine question of whether a player is 'too smart' is actually a valid concern

When we always laugh about the Combine interviews and the Josh Rosen, like, is this player too smart? Yes, 100%. It absolutely is a real question... This is actually a perfect case where Andrew Luck is a very smart guy. He has a ton of interest outside of football. I think he loved football. I think the injuries made him fall out of love with football because he's like, you know what? There's more to life than this.

I am betting the over on the Colts' season win total now that it has dropped to 6.5

I'm taking the over on their season total right now. I think it's at eight and a half... no six, six and a half. I'm taking the over on that big time.

It is just an excuse for the Saints to blame the pass interference no-call for their NFC Championship loss

All I said was that it's just an excuse to blame one moment. And that's the truth. The reality is, as I've said before, if they were winning the game at the moment, or if that play would have ended the game, then that would be a valid argument. But the truth of the matter was the game was tied... You can't say that you for sure won the game based off the one play.

I want to play in the NFL until I am 40 years old

If I'm enjoying this game and I like the game, I'm going to keep playing the game. And if I feel good and I can play at a high level, you know what, we're going to keep riding... That's a narrative. I want to play until I'm 40.

Baker Mayfield is going to be a stud

I got to say, there's this running back named Nick Chubb... And we have Baker actually. By the way, he is going to be... a stud. Oh, a stud.

In the NFL you must make every kick inside 40 yards or you will be unemployed

In the NFL, you're expected to make everything inside of 40 yards. 10 out of 10. Or you're going to be unemployed. That's a fact. Those are your money kicks.

Justin Tucker has the most swagger of any current NFL kicker

Out of all the kickers in the game right now, which one do you think has the most Morton Anderson in them? Swagger? I would say Justin Tucker in Baltimore.

Hue Jackson stunk as a head coach

I'm just kind over the Hue Jackson, everyone should feel bad for me, woe is me. You stunk as a head coach. You could be a good offensive coordinator. You stunk as a head coach. I think that's okay to say.

Zeke Elliott should sit out the entire 2019 season

If I'm Zeke, I'm sitting out the whole season. I got more power to Zeke on this one. Zeke, don't play this year at all.

Aaron Rodgers is a try-hard loser for his Canada Boys outfit

Three years after that joke was funny, and probably like 10 years after that joke was funny, Aaron Rodgers hopped on. Classic. Way to go, dude. You fucking try-hard loser.

Ezekiel Elliott should continue his holdout because Jerry Jones is being disrespectful

Zeke maybe man all this disrespect being thrown away by Jerry Jones. I don't have to take it to seek. It's kind of a bad look though to be like, I can't believe that he said zi KU... I don't have to take it to seek.

Jon Gruden is the funniest coach in the NFL

Jon Gruden leads the league in being pumped... I fucking love them. I'm switching. We make fun of Jon Gruden. We make fun of the Raiders the whole hundred million dollar contract. I have switched. I want Jon Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible.

The Antonio Brown helmet saga is officially exhausting

I am officially as well. So sick of Antonio Browns helmet. Yes, sick of the helmet but in love with the jumpsuit... just either find a helmet don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might Riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff.

Joey Harrington was going to be an unbelievable NFL pro

I would have put my life my 20 no my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable Pro Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good... it was also like Oregon up-tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Joey Harrington, I was convinced I was going to be that dude.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

Society will eventually reach a point where football is played every single day of the year

Eventually, we're going to get to a football season that just goes the entire calendar year, and I'm here for it.

The NFL has the most boring quarterback controversies ever in 2019

This year, we've got the most boring quarterback controversies of all time, perhaps ever in the history of the NFL... Titans [Mariota/Tannehill], Dolphins [Fitzpatrick/Rosen].

Eli Manning is not a starting-caliber NFL quarterback anymore

Eli Manning's not a starting quarterback anymore. [Pat Shurmur] is saying Eli is our quarterback because John Mara is the owner.

Josh Gordon will be on the Patriots for the entire 2019 season

He's [been suspended] for zero weeks. [How many weeks will he be on the team?] All of them. [If he gets cut or leaves] Hank gets a cat.

I will record 5+ touchdowns for the Packers in 2019

[He's going to score touchdowns. Oh, how many?] I put the over-under at five. [John Kuhn: All-time record for a superback].

Fullbacks are among the smartest players on the football field

Fullbacks get the rap that we're not smart people. I think they're some of the fucking smartest guys on the football field because we got to know every line scheme whether it's a run game or pass game... know every single route because they'll spread you out.

The NFL intentionally closed the helmet loophole to 'win' against Antonio Brown

At best, it's been horrible communication... At worst, I feel like they just want to win. They're just making it up as they go... once they recognized there was a loophole because they had failed to previously test the Schutt Air Advantage, they jammed that loophole shut to win.

The Washington Redskins locker room is less safe than a WWI trench

You'd have better luck getting injured at the bottom of a trench in World War One than in that Redskins locker room right now with all the shit that's like creeping around.