Takes

Tennessee fans effectively coach the team by vetoing hires

Well, they kind of are letting their fans coach their team next season by letting their fans tell them who they can and can't hire.

Having a Chili's on campus helps a football program win games

This is [UCF's] first football season with an on-campus Chili's, and they're 11-0... Jimbo Fisher's record with a Chili's on campus, 78-17 with one national title. Jimbo Fisher's record without a Chili's on campus, 5-6 with zero national titles. Chili's wins football games.

Ben McAdoo benching Eli Manning for Geno Smith is performance art

If you have fucked up your job so badly that Geno Smith is the answer to whatever your problem is... that is performance art. It is hilarious to me. So Ben McAdoo, I know you probably didn't mean to screw up this badly, but thank you for doing it.

Eli Manning will go to Denver and win a Super Bowl

Here's my prediction. You ready for this? A Manning family tradition. Goes to Denver. Wins the Super Bowl.

I do not miss football even one percent

Do you miss football at all? No, not even one percent. No. So I very much flipped the switch into not being in the football schedule right? I very much fell out of love with the schedule of being an NFL player.

Trent Richardson was not a good NFL player and only got drafted for his speed

Trent Richardson. Oh, that's two first-rounders. People don't know that. He's worth two first-rounders. Future Hall of Famer. Yeah, future Hall of Famer... He zigged every fucking time. Just a zag one time would have been nice for us.

Roger Goodell has lost control of the NFL if teams can refuse to wear Color Rush

If Roger Goodell can't make teams wear color rush, then he has lost the NFL... He has absolutely no power whatsoever. If the NFL owners are savaging him and just going against his wishes, the inmates are running the prison.

The Kansas City Chiefs are officially frauds

The Bills, they might be back... This is for real because they go into Kansas City, a Chiefs team that I will officially say is a fraud. They're frauds.

The Chargers are for real and will win the AFC West

I'm going to tell you why they're frauds, because they're going to win the AFC West... you were saying that they would be the best team to not make the playoffs. Guess what? You were fucking wrong because they are going to make the playoffs.

The NFC South is the toughest division in football

I think we can officially say [the NFC South] is the toughest division in football. The Falcons, the Panthers and the Saints all in my for reals category. And I don't know, like all those teams should make the NFC playoffs.

The Steelers will throttle the Packers on Sunday Night Football

I think they will throttle the Packers. Put it in the books. It's a very safe shot to call. I bet minus 14, and I feel very confident in my bet.

Anything is possible for the Eagles with Carson Wentz at quarterback

When you have Carson Wentz, anything's possible. Yeah, he's unbelievable.

The Vikings will be up 40 at halftime on the Lions for Thanksgiving

I think that Mike Zimmer is going to leave the game early because the Vikings are going to be up by 40 points at halftime. This is the time of the year where the wheels totally fall off the Lions.

Playing on Thanksgiving is a vacation for Philip Rivers from his nine children

I bet Philip Rivers is so happy this year that he doesn't have to sit down at a table with his nine children for Thanksgiving. Getting to play a day game on Thanksgiving for Philip Rivers is basically a vacation for him.

The Cleveland Browns will run the table and make the playoffs

Cleveland Browns are still very much alive to make the playoffs. They run the table. They don't control their own destiny, though. Hey, Cleveland Browns fans, R-E-L-A-X. You're going to run the table. You'll be fine.

The secret to being an NFL quarterback is trying to throw it to your own team

I think he just, as much as he can, you've got to keep trying to throw it to your own team. I'm giving that one to everybody. Anybody that wants advice, there's a hot tip for you. I can show you plenty of examples on not throwing it to your own team and how I'm trying myself to figure that one out still.

Tom Brady is a dorky guy in the locker room

Kind of like a dorky-ish kind of guy, actually. You see him in all his little commercials and he's always James Bond up... But you get him back in the locker room, man. He's shooting the crap with us, going through Instagram, making fun... Scrolling down that thing just like us.

Bill Belichick is a genius who could be a Fortune 500 CEO

This dude like went to school and should be like a governor or like a Fortune 500 company genius type guy. That's a football coach. He is football. He's become a football. I don't know... his body is shaped like a football.

Nathan Peterman will have a long career as a backup because he looks like a quarterback

A guy like that [Nathan Peterman], for every interception you throw in your debut, you buy yourself another year as a backup quarterback in the NFL. He looks the part, right? He looks like a quarterback. He's going to stick around.

The AFC Wild Card race is officially a dumpster fire

The end of the playoffs, the wild cards for the AFC are such shit. It's because the Jaguars have thrown the entire world out of order. 7-3. The Jaguars being good has created chaos theory for the wild card spots in the AFC. It is a dumpster fire.

The Patriots and Eagles are on a crash course for the Super Bowl

The Patriots and the Eagles look like, right now, on a crash course for a Super Bowl. The Steelers and the Saints, I guess, are the only two teams that I would say... there's lurkers in the NFC.

Aaron Rodgers will return and lead the Packers to the NFC Championship

Rodgers will probably come back and the Packers will probably still make the NFC Championship.

I would be able to play in any era of the NFL

I would think that I could play in any era, whether it's the old era or the new era. I would think I could play in either one. Of course, the game has changed a lot since I was playing it, and I would be hampered a little bit that you can't actually hit nobody anymore.

Rob Gronkowski is 'stealing' in the NFL because of the rules

What Gronkowski is doing is absolutely stealing in the NFL. Bill Belichick, he's a smart coach. He knows the rules and he makes sure the rules benefit him at all times. Because there's no way Gronkowski is supposed to be sitting in the slot and you're not able to reroute him. You get killed like that.

The Giants should not fire Ben McAdoo yet

Do you think they should fire him? Absolutely not. No, I think... look what [Bill Parcells] did. He won two Super Bowls. The reason why I say keep McAdoo on another year, something the same way with Bill Parcells, his first year when he was head coach, he was playing that loyalty stuff. He tries to keep everybody, but not all of them guys are good players. You got to upgrade your team every year. Cleaning house and starting bringing people that could work... maybe if they secure his job for one more year, that gives him the opportunity to lay down some laws.

Quarterbacks are not a threat once you dominate them

I never hated quarterbacks. Guys like Ron Jaworski, Randall Cunningham, these guys were sacked more times than any other player. They're not a threat to you because you dominated them. Why would you hate a quarterback if you just constantly dominate them?

Jerry Jones doesn't care about his public image or internet leaks

I don't think Jerry Jones cares, and I actually don't think Jerry Jones needs to care how the internet works because you couldn't make me think any less about Jerry Jones than I do right now. If a tape came out tomorrow of him just stabbing a child, I'd be like, yeah, the child probably owed him money and reneged on a season ticket contract. He's more like Liam Neeson in Taken, except his particular set of skills is leveraging public debt.

The Saints will beat the Redskins by 30 points

Saints are going to beat [the Redskins] by 30. Yeah, like I said on Larry's Picks... I have never been more wrong about anything in my life. Actually, no. When Francisco Liriano got Tommy John in 2005, I said he'll never pitch another day in his life. And he's pitching still today.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.

The Giants (+10) are a lock to cover against the Chiefs in Week 11

My pick of the week was the New York Giants. Plus, I think, 10. Against Andy Reid off a bye. At home, against Andy Reid off a bye. ... This is a game with the wise guys pay attention to and feel like they have to take because of this situation... The giants are double digit dogs at home. You're automatically going to make that bet.

Peyton Manning ruined the Colts and Broncos franchises because he covered up their lack of talent

I blame Peyton Manning is what I do... I think Peyton Manning has currently ruined two franchises. At least Indianapolis and Denver. ... What has happened is like he is so advanced in understanding what you're trying to do to him as a defense that basically he takes marginal players... four and 12 talent or eight and eight talent and makes it 12 and four every year. And so you as a general manager, as a franchise, I get a little bit more enamored with your talent than you should be... all of a sudden that guy leaves and you realize we suck.

My ass is the power source for everything on the football field

Everything comes from your glute, you know, your ass, your ass is your power source for everything. You gotta be a big butt guy. And so, you know, when you get that glute firing and you get everything where you're working it through that, it puts less stress on things.

Rob Gronkowski is a genius who is very calculated about his public persona

Gronk's really good with numbers, and I'm not lying... He can remember, like, plays and, like, or, like, where guys are drafted, this, that... Gronk's real calculated with with with his whole persona man. He knows that he's just the Gronk and like he can play it out and he knows when to play it out and all that stuff.

Week 10 gave us clarity on who the actual good teams are in the NFL

I have one word for you for Week 10. You ready for it? Clarity. We actually know who's good now... it's basically the Vikings, the Rams, the Eagles [and] the Saints.

Rex Burkhead is a rich man's Danny Woodhead

I liked what Bill Belichick was doing with Rex Burkhead tonight... he's a poor man's Danny Woodhead, which technically makes him a rich man's Danny Woodhead, if that makes any sense at all.

The Jaguars and Rams are both going to the Super Bowl

The Jaguars and the Rams are, knock on wood, both going to the playoffs. Super Bowl... The Rams are a legitimately good team... The Jags' defense is unbelievable.

I would still rather have Myles Garrett over Deshaun Watson

I'd still rather have Garrett over Deshaun Watson, though, because he's injury prone. True. Who's going to produce more this year?

Ben Roethlisberger fakes a limp whenever he feels tired or cold

When he feels tired, Ben's like, I got a limp... somewhere in the back of his lizard brain, it's like, you need to show these people that you're injured... He's not smart enough to fake a limp, but [it's his] lizard brain.

If the NFL kicks Jerry Jones out, he will start a better football league with guns and steroids

I'm rooting for this simply because if Jerry Jones gets kicked out of the NFL, he is going to start the greatest fucking football league ever. XFL will be back... Guns, steroids, and that butter sauce you get with your pizza at Papa John's.

Lefty quarterbacks suck at throwing the football

Horny Brook [Alex Hornibrook], there's something about him when he passes. He's terrible. He's got that weird left. He's a lefty. The way that he passes with his left hand just doesn't look natural. Lefties suck at throwing the football.

The NFL pylon rule is stupid and should be changed to a Quidditch-style hoop

I have a dumb question... why do pylons exist?... everyone keeps fumbling while reaching for the pylon... what they should do... They need to make them little like hoops that you can throw the ball into the hoop. And that counts as a touchdown... it's the safest play in football.

The boat picture officially jinxed the New York Giants franchise

The Giants are 1-9 and have been outscored by 113 points since the famous boat picture... Even Cam Newton knew you had to get on board the Titanic... I am fully on board with the theory that the boat totally jinxed the entire franchise for the Giants.

The NFL concussion protocol is a farce

The really bizarre one was Russell Wilson basically getting what seemed to be a concussion and then doing like a second in the concussion protocol tent and then going right back out there and then realizing that everyone watched him do that and the whole concussion protocol is a farce.

Ezekiel Elliott will eventually have to serve his full six-game suspension

I'm assuming, what I've assumed all along, that at some point, Ezekiel Elliott's going to have to serve his six games. I doubt sincerely it's going to go to the Supreme Court. I can't believe the Supreme Court would think this is worth their time.

Jerry Jones's threat to sue the NFL is a smoke bomb to hide his frustration with the national anthem issue

This is one of those things that I'm angry, I'm ticked off, and I'm going to do something about it. And what I'm going to do is threaten to sue... Although the vast majority of people who I know around the league are saying that Jerry was mad before the Ezekiel Elliott thing happened, very hard for me to take seriously the notion that Ezekiel Elliott has nothing to do with his anger and his venom right now.

Chuck Pagano will be the first NFL coach fired this year

If things continue the way they are, I think probably Chuck Pagano [will be the first to be fired].

Hue Jackson will keep his job in Cleveland because ownership wants to end the coaching carousel

I'm one of the few people in our business I really still think that Hue Jackson's going to make it. And I think he's going to make it because I'm going on something that Jimmy Haslam told me... He absolutely unequivocally does not want to continue this merry-go-round.

Josh Gordon will play way more than 1.5 more games in his NFL career

[Josh Gordon games played left over-under one and a half?] Way over one and a half.

Jeff Fisher and Rex Ryan will never coach in the NFL again

[Jeff Fisher and Rex Ryan coaching in the NFL over-under one and a half?] Way under one and a half [for both]. Who's hiring Rex?

Josh Gordon won't be as good as before because he's sober

[Josh Gordon] got reinstated, but it came out that he admitted that he used drugs or alcohol before every single game he's ever played. So he's going to have to come back and not use drugs or alcohol, and he's not going to be that good.