Takes

It is disgusting that the United States has never medaled in the Winter Biathlon

The Winter Biathlon is a race that combines cross country skiing and rifle shooting... We have never medaled in this sport. It's disgusting. It is absolutely disgusting that the United States [has never medaled]. We should dominate that sport.

Race walking is the most metal sport in the Olympics

I think I've actually changed my tune on race walking... because it is the funniest looking sport by far, but it's insane. The dude that is the best in the world at it... he was just shitting himself during the race... his body just gave up. It's actually the most metal sport.

The Olympic shooting competition should ban specialized gear and mirrors

When you shoot in the rifle competition, you have like, you look like a cyborg. It looks like you're wearing Google glass and like a mirror over your eye and all the shit. And that to me should go. Also, if you're shooting a rifle, there's no need to bring a mirror into the situation. You have a gun, and then you have a target and that's it.

I could medal in curling because I like cleaning

My first pick is going to be curling. I think if you just gave me four years, I could figure it out every single day. I like shuffleboard, I like ice, I like being slightly overweight... and broom guy, the broom guy seems like it's like—I love cleaning.

I could medal in Equestrian sports because the horse does the work

This one, you actually don't have to be athletic at all, but a question in sports... you can train a horse, you don't actually have to be that good. ... It's new team names. The horse does the work.

A US handball team with me, LeBron, and Patrick Mahomes would win Olympic gold

I guarantee we can put a team together. We can win gold. Just, just from pure like arm speed. I don't think guys in other countries and just a really big guy as the goalie back. Right. If you watch it, I mean, I've studied this from time to time... I think if it was you, Patrick Mahomes, and LeBron just how many players play and handle like eight on a shirt all the time. So it was you three against eight players from any other country. I think we went, I think we, I guarantee we can put a team together. We can win gold.

Jay Cutler is 'insane' to think he could win a handball gold medal in three months

He is insane. He cannot win an Olympic medal training two or three months. You have the potential to be amazing athletes and compete at a high level, but when you want to cook that food, you need the technique... It takes time to be able to be a professional and very good handball player. In the short term, it's impossible. In the long term, it takes years.

Tim Howard could become a world-class handball goalkeeper within one year

If we had Tim Howard playing goalkeeper on our team, I feel like he could become a world-class handball goalkeeper within a year because he's got all the technique right there.

The Ryan Lochte robbery incident in Rio is like the worst Jason Bourne movie of all time

Since it's swimming, we get to watch this play out like the worst Jason Bourne movie of all time.

Michael Phelps is the all-time best Olympic champion

But it was a great performance. Michael Phelps, all-time best Olympic champion. I think we can safely say that, right?

Olympic swimming is a fringe sport that doesn't deserve the level of excitement it receives from announcers

Anyone who gets that excited for a fringe sport like swimming – You're okay in my book. Like, you either have to go all in and just crazy, crazy, crazy, like Rowdy Gaines, or... [announcers] Basically orgasming for an entire night while he watches the same exact swimming races with just varying distances.

Water polo and men's field hockey are the two worst sports in the world

little bone to pick water polo and field hockey men's field hockey those are the two worst sports in the world um why well water polo you talk about drowning they literally just i mean they're treading water and they're trying not to drown the entire time

Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time

Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian of all time.

The 2016 Olympics Russians got away with systematic doping

The Russians got away scot-free. So the IOC said, OK, we know your whole country had systematic doping for the last 20 years, so we're just going to ban the track and field team... they banned the track and field team, but anybody else from Russia is allowed to compete. So there you go.