Takes

Professional sports teams are starting to incorporate Dungeons and Dragons into their operations

If anyone's been noticing the Chiefs recently ran D&D on my and like put it up on social media and stuff. All I will say right now is I'm talking to some teams.

Sam Darnold is officially confirmed as a franchise 'guy'

The Super Bowl was [Sam Darnold's] hundred and first game. So we do confirmed to have a guy. Todd Bowles saw it. Yes.

Sam Darnold's performance in the NFC Championship game was his defining moment as a quarterback.

The way he [Sam Darnold] won the NFC championship game cannot be forgotten because that was probably the Super Bowl... that was his defining win as a quarterback in terms of how he played. He played a perfect game.

The valuation of the Seahawks franchise will skyrocket now that they have won a Super Bowl.

I'm very happy for the current ownership group who will now get to put up for sale a Super Bowl champion team. Price of the bag just went up for the Seahawks. Big time.

I lost a $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line in Super Bowl 60.

I did lose $40,000 today. Yeah, it's a lot of money. Dude, that's a car. I could get a sick car with $40,000. I could get a new El Camino with that.

Mike McDonald is a defensive wizard who has swung the NFL back toward defensive-minded head coaches.

Mike McDonald is a defensive wizard... For a league that is going in one direction in terms of offensive head coaches, he has completely swung it back and being like, I can scheme up a game. I can have a game plan ready to go.

Lindsay Vonn crashes every single time she is hyped up to ski.

I basically, every time they say, Hey, Lindsay Vonn's about to ski... she's gonna crash. I woke up and they were like, Hey Lindsay Vonn competed this morning and she crashed.

Giannis Antetokounmpo will never be traded

Giannis is never going to get traded. Everyone's hair's on fire, everyone's panicking and nothing ever happens. Giannis is never going to get traded.

No one ever needs to actually 'check out' of a hotel

I've never checked out of a hotel in my entire life... The most I've ever done is once in a while... put your room key in here when you leave. Other than that... I think I threw it in the trash.

The Celtics trading Anfernee Simons for Nikola Vucevic is a sign that Jayson Tatum is returning

I like this trade. I was happy with this trade. Well V[ucevic]—it also means Jayson Tatum's coming back... because if Tatum comes back, those are minutes like Simons has been playing, but if [Tatum] comes back, those minutes are gone.

I was the one who ran Kevin Durant out of Golden State

The one that is probably closest to the truth is I ran [Kevin Durant] out of town... Because I'm not begging anyone for this. I've worked too hard in my life to beg anyone for anything.

I am not retiring from the NFL

I am not retiring. I averaged 15 yards a catch last year, man. People don't retire off that shit.

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Mark Sanchez has more career playoff wins than Justin Herbert

Mark Sanchez has more playoff wins than Justin Herbert. ... Significantly more.

Indiana winning the National Championship is the greatest story in college football history

The Indiana Hoosiers are national champions of the college football world... it is the craziest story... the greatest story in college football. That is a fact.

CJ Stroud was 'mega ass' against the Patriots

CJ Stroud, CJ Stroud. Little bro ass. Lil bro ass... He was the most ass he's ever been. Wow. It was that ass. And he's been ass before. It was mega ass.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL when facing third-and-six.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close Since, since he got, where did you get this? Since he got into the league... He's 36th in the NFL... five for 18. 27%. The league average, I believe is 40.

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

The Bears have a significant special teams advantage over the Rams in the Divisional Round.

I've meant to say that the one place that the Bears have a significant advantage is special teams. The, the Rams have been kind of like, they got a punt blocked. The kicker's been bad. The Bears, Cairo. Santos has been good.

Ovechkin breaking the goal record is a top-tier sports moment

Leading up to the [895th goal], it seemed like there was like 21 games and then 11 goals. He broke his leg and we were like, take your time getting back. He's like, no, two weeks I'll be back on the ice. Being a part of [the goal] was really cool. I mean, I had an assist on 890, 91, 92, 93.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

The U, it's all about the U back. Miami Hurricanes are back. Instant classic in the desert. It was what a game.

The 12-team playoff was a success because it allowed Miami to reach the championship

Miami was very close not making these playoffs. So when we say oh, 12 is too much. Yeah, maybe some years 12 would be too much. But this year we needed it because Miami's in the national championship.

The Trae Young trade to the Wizards is the most 'NBA trade' ever because it's only about spreadsheets

It was the most NBA trade of all time. Oh yeah. Because neither team is doing this trade to win a title. No, they're not even really doing it to get better at basketball. They're just shuffling guys... because your spreadsheet could use a guy with that number next to it.

Caleb Williams is a 'big game' quarterback

The thing I'm actually least worried about is I, I think Caleb Williams is like a big game guy. Like, I think he's gonna be ready for this game... I think he's big game Caleb.

The Jaguars are better than the Bills at everything except for having Josh Allen

The Jaguars are better at everything, but they don't have Josh Allen and Josh Allen. You're totally right. When it gets to the playoffs, it's like stuff doesn't hurt anymore... He's liable to go nuclear.

Mike McDaniel was cursed by the football gods for not breaking the NFL scoring record against the Broncos

2023 Dolphins scored 70 points. Mike McDaniel chose not to go for the NFL record at the end of the game. Did not kick a field goal. I believe the football gods cursed him after that moment. The Dolphins went 23 and 25 after that. The Broncos went 32 and 16 after that moment.

Indiana is definitively a better football team than Alabama

My theory going into it was Indiana is better than Alabama in every single facet of this game. In a seven point spread was so disrespectful to the type of team... No, Indiana's turned it... they're just better than Alabama. Like their dudes are better top to bottom.

The Seahawks will secure the NFC's one seed if they win their last two games

The [Seahawks] are now looking like if they can win their last two games, they will have the one seed in the NFC for the playoffs.

The Bears vs. Packers Week 16 game is a must-win for Chicago to avoid playoff uncertainty

This one you gotta win because the Bears are most likely gonna make the playoffs if they lose this game. Then it starts to get, Hey, what's going on here? You start looking at the calculations and the 49ers are a game that's coming up next week and then the Lions in week 18. You don't want to get to a spot where the Lions Week 18 becomes a win and get in.

Mike McDaniel cannot win in cold weather

The Dolphins have lost 13 straight games, including the playoffs, with kickoff temperatures below 40 degrees since 2016. ... He keeps saying that he's not cold and he gets there early to practice in the cold. ... Mentally, physically, in all the ways, the cold has beaten him.

The Rams money line is the play because of Sean McVay's new baby

Sean McVay, they, the Rams money line's gotta be the play. ... Absolutely. New baby. Good vibes.

The 'Haters' were right about Jayden Daniels being injury prone

The haters were right. Congratulations. Jayden's shut down for the season. RG4, injury prone, made out of glass. ... Haters were right. Can't say anything to the haters. Focus on next year.

Cooper Flagg is fully activated after his 40-point game

Cooper Flagg may have fully been activated. He has reached full activation. 18 years old. 40 piece in regulation. ... If we're talking just highlight tapes, he's looking good.

Philip Rivers won't play as well in his second game back

Seattle didn't come after him at all. ... I have to imagine they're gonna come after him a little bit more this week, put some pressure on him... that ball's gonna come out quick. He's not gonna take a whole lot of hits. ... I don't know that that's gonna bode well for Philip, unfortunately.

The Jaguars won't make noise in the playoffs despite Trevor Lawrence's form

Trevor Lawrence has certainly gotten better this year. I'm not too concerned about the Jacksonville Jaguars making noise in the playoffs, so— [Big Cat: 'Oh, okay. So yeah, we do overreact to everything.']

The 49ers will be a very dangerous team in the playoffs

Brock Purdy, he's starting to really warm up. ... they're getting healthy at the right time on offense. ... I think they'd be a really dangerous team in the playoffs. ... a team rallying to the ball on defense and it pops out to you when you're watching.

The Raiders are the worst team in the NFL

The Raiders are the worst team in the league. I agree. I know. I do not think that there's a debate for it. They're one of the worst teams like ever. It's crazy watching 'em play.

The road to the AFC Championship currently goes through Denver

They're now standing alone at the one seed. ... If they have the one seed, I would be nervous. ... The road right now goes through Denver.

If the Panthers beat the Saints, next week's game against the Buccaneers is for the NFC South

With a win over the Saints on Sunday, the Carolina Panthers can make next week's game a clinching game... If the Panthers beat the Saints this weekend in New Orleans, that makes next week's game, which I believe is in Charlotte against the bucks that would be for the NFC South.

I bet the Chiefs beat the Chargers because it is a massive trap spot for the public

I love the Chiefs in this game and I am saying that from a point of, I'm not someone who's been chasing the Chiefs every single week... This feels like a huge trap. Everyone watched the Chargers win on Monday night. Everyone watched the Chiefs lose on Sunday night. Now the Chargers are getting five and a half points... I think Mahomes is going to maybe do the dink and dunk down the field. I like the Chiefs in this game.

The Seahawks are going to 'kill' and 'fuck up' Philip Rivers in his return

But the Seahawks are probably gonna fuck him up probably... This is a I'm worried about him getting hit. That's the problem... I think the Seahawks are gonna maybe kill him. Seahawks are really fucking good.

The James Madison vs. Oregon playoff game is not a health and safety issue

Bud Elliot said that it was possibly a health and safety issue... he was like, I'm worried for the health and safety of JMU playing against Oregon... Stop saying it's a health and safety issue. Okay... fuck it, let's go win the game.

Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson is statistically identical to 2022 Justin Fields

Blind resume QB one [Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson]: 17 games, 2,700 passing yards, 16 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 78.2 passer rating. QB two [Justin Fields in 2022]: 15 games, 2200 yards, 17 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, 85.2 passer rating.

Colts GM Chris Ballard is on the hot seat because he hasn't won the division in nine years

My Hot Seat is Chris Ballard. I'm gonna put him back on the Hot Seat. The GM for the Colts... has been the GM for the Colts since 2017, nine years. He has never won the AFC South.

The Dolphins will beat the Steelers on Monday Night Football

They're [Steelers] playing the Dolphins on Monday Night Football. They're gonna lose. Take Dolphins.

The Chiefs are officially done

I declared them [Chiefs] done on Thanksgiving. I don't think they're gonna do it. Is there anything that you've seen from the Chiefs this year that would make you afraid of the Chiefs in the playoffs?

The Texans are the most dangerous team in the AFC right now

I think the Texans are go 12 and 5. I think they're in the most dangerous team in the AFC right now in terms of just their defense.

LeBron James robbed fans of a hater moment by making the correct basketball play

I feel so robbed by it because [LeBron James] actually made a very selfless play. A game-winning assist for a buzzer beater. I was really hoping that the situation had occurred where he was trying to force it and he cost him the game. He robbed that from us.

The Steelers have become a retirement home for players

The Steelers did sign Adam Thielen today, who is a 2018 pro bowler... Mike Tomlin has gotten to the point where you can just perfectly troll him and predict everything he does... the Steelers are just become a retirement home for, for players. It's crazy.

Younghoe Koo's terrible field goal attempt was a check swing, not the yips

It looked like the yips. I thought he had the yips... But when I heard his explanation after the game, I watched it again... it was his holder Gilliam, he caught it. And then the ball started to fall a little bit. And so at the last second, Younghoe pulled up... It was a check swing.