Takes

Wide receiver has become the second most valuable position in the NFL

Wide receiver, you could argue has become the second, most valuable position in the NFL. Just look at all the contracts this off season.

Once you hit your 30s, you are never going to experience ten days with no pain

The rule is 10 days with no pain [for Ben Simmons to return]. I got news for you, buddy. Once you hit your thirties, you're never going to experience 10 days with no pain. It's just constant pain.

Bill Gates could not hit a slow-pitch softball

Do you think Bill Gates could hit a slow pitch softball? No, that makes me feel good. No. ... Let me let me get a little fucking 10, 10 foot arch on his ass. He won't, he won't be able to hit that.

Patrick Beverley is at his best when he is angry and disrespected, rather than happy and praised

Patrick Beverley needs to get more pissed off. I think he's too happy... he's been respected too much recently. Patrick Beverley needs to get angry again. He's too happy. I think people have respected Patrick Beverley a little bit too much the last week... he's at his best when he's got a chip on his shoulder.

Karl-Anthony Towns is a bum for his no-show performance against the Grizzlies

I'm done with Karl-Anthony Towns. I'm definitely done with him... He's a bum. I don't know what to say. Like he has to basically, he now has a legacy series that his hands he has to come out and dominate the next like three games to restore his legacy because now the play-in game and then tonight [Game 3] he was a complete no-show.

Donovan Mitchell is currently an inefficient jump shooter

Donovan Mitchell reminds me a little bit of DeRozan. His shot selection is tough and his shot-making isn't as good as DeRozan's... overall, I would say he's inefficient as a jump shooter.

Bam Adebayo was the most versatile and influential defender in the NBA this season

I'd say Bam Adebayo was the most versatile and most influential defender... The center position, the big man position... is the quarterback of the defense. They are by far the most important defenders. And I don't think Marcus Smart is even the most impactful defender on his own team.

The Lakers are a sketchy organization right now that is coasting on its past

This is a franchise that is sort of really based on its own illustrious past... The organization itself, there's a reputation around the league that man, this is kind of a sketchy place... whatever coach comes in there is going to have their hands full.

Premier League coaching and academies are night and day compared to the American system

When your kid and the academy system growing up over here in Europe, they just have such good coaching... Over here [Europe], there's just more purpose into training and playing the game. They know it better and they just understand it more than than I was taught growing up... when I was growing up to what I see over here, it was night and day.

It is okay to be a 'casual' fan who hops between sports during busy seasons

I'm okay with this. I think we as sports fans in a sports podcast, we need to normalize the fact that there's a lot of sports on and the experts in each field trying to shame the true sports guys like ourselves. I'm sick of it... I'm a casual. It's okay for us to hop from sport to sport.

There is no answer for Joel Embiid when he wants to dominate

If [Embiid] is if there's there's less of an answer for Joel Embiid when he wants to dominate than anyone else at this current moment in the NBA.

Kevin Durant is the smartest athlete of all time

Kevin Durant fucking smartest athlete of all time... I don't think I've ever switched from not liking an athlete to loving an athlete harder than I have with Kevin Durant.

Chicken salad is disgusting

Chicken salad is disgusting... That's just mayonnaise... That may be an unpopular opinion. That may be my calamari.

Novak Djokovic is the best tennis player of all time

I personally have a soft spot for Roger. I think he's great. But I do think Djokovic is actually the best.

Dipping pizza in soy sauce is life

Dipping pizza in soy sauce. Oh, life... It just adds some saltiness to it. I thought it was a great idea.

Kyrie Irving giving the middle finger and yelling at fans is exactly what sports should be

Kyrie should do everything back to [Celtics fans] and that is what sports is all about... Fans hating a certain player, a player upping their game to stick it to the fans. I loved every second of it. I just want more of it.

Jacob deGrom is the best starting pitcher to ever play the game

I think [Jacob deGrom] is the best starting pitcher to ever put on the uniform... just what he's able to do with the baseball... it's just, I think he's in his own league. And I hope he stays healthy for another 15 years because if he can do that, I think it'll be the best ever.

An average person would not be able to lay down a fair bunt against a peak MLB pitcher in 100 tries

No [you couldn't lay down a bunt]. There's just so many things that I would do. Like I'd throw you high sinkers at your hands that it probably fell off your fist into your face... by the time you think you're going to swing, it's already too late.

Pitchers wearing warm-up jackets while on the bases is a terrible look

Absolutely hated it [pitchers wearing jackets on base]. I just think it's such a bad look... are you really that cold to where you can't wait a few minutes?

Men have an innate psychological need for physical 'adventures' like digging holes

I think that like, as we're growing up, I was under the assumption that I would have just non-stop adventures. And I think that guys just need adventures sometimes. It sounds like he's found his adventure, which we should be applauding... guys will literally dig a giant hole in their backyard for years at a time, instead of going to therapy.

Perfect games are the rarest achievement in sports and Clayton Kershaw should have been allowed to finish his

Perfect games are probably the rarest thing in sports... like no hitters are nothing. I don't care about no hitters anymore... anyone else has a perfect game, I'm glued in. I want to be watching. That's cool. 23 over in the history of baseball. Some guys make their whole career off it. Oh, it's amazing.

Philadelphia is the number one sports town in America

Philadelphia might be my number one sports town. It's like the rules surrounding Harambe's cage: Do not approach. Do not try to pet. If you do, bad things will happen. So you should know that the second you enter the Philadelphia city limits.

The gap between regular season NBA teams and playoff teams has never been wider

The regular season can be very misleading. And I've been kind of on this for the last couple of years where I feel like there's never been more of a separation between what playoff teams look like and regular season teams look like.

James Harden is a quitter whose personality can't be trusted when playoff situations get tense

I have a problem with anyone who's a professional athlete who is okay deciding that they're just not going to be competitive twice in a year because they don't like their situation... if you're okay sucking on purpose and having it happen that many times in a very short span, then why would I bet on your personality when everything's tense and it matters.

Ty Lue is the Bill Belichick of the NBA

I'll take Ty Lue... someone called Ty Lue the Belichick of the NBA last night.

Steve Nash is a great coach who does a good job handling massive amounts of locker room bullshit

I actually think Steve Nash does a great job because holy fuck. Does he have to deal with a lot? ... Having the disposition that this guy had the last two years dealing with all the bullshit that he dealt with. I don't want to fucking hear it [that he can't coach]. It's actually incredible.

Minnesota sports fans should celebrate their play-in win like a championship

Minnesota is an absolute factory of sadness... So if you're a Minnesota fan celebrate, like this is a championship because it has been that bad and they deserve a young, fun team like this.

There is a zero percent chance LeBron James watched the WNBA draft

There's no way he watched a WNBA draft. There's a 0.0% chance. If he was watching WNBA draft, he would have tweeted it during the WNBA draft, not 24 hours later being like just a thought I've had on my mind recently.

LeBron James is a coach killer who has gotten six coaches fired

LeBron has been freed of another coach... LeBron has gotten six coaches fired in his career... I don't know why we don't talk about LeBron James as a coach killer more because Frank Vogel got overall raw deal.

Robot umpires will ruin the fun of complaining about baseball

That's been my take for a very long time. That robot ops will ruin everything because then we won't get to have guys like Joe West that we can complain about, right?

You can't trust anyone who owns a snake as a pet

I have a longstanding theory that like, if you can't trust anyone who owns a snake as a pet and that's biblical, like the snake is bro snake showed up on what day seven and was in fucked everything up.

Music is a deeper passion for me than acting

If I had to pick [between acting and music]... I would go with the band. I had to.

Every guy from Dallas looks like a 35-year-old accountant when they are only 25

He just reminds me of every dude I've ever met from the Dallas, Texas kind of area where it's like you're 25, but you look like you're 35 and you got married when you were 23 and you just got your shit together better. He looks like a medium good accountant that's pretty good at golf.

I would shoot a 13 on the 18th hole at Augusta if I was lucky

I think I'd go 13. I would, I documented I'd slice it into the woods. I would hit it into a tree... piece of shit, one good shot. Then I'd just go bunker, bunker, maybe like, like a, sorry, a sand wedge that I can't hit for shit for five yards. Then another one on then I'd put like five times 13.

Gerrit Cole is a loser for blaming a four-minute delay on a bad start

Garrett Cole said that the game being delayed four minutes was an unforeseen challenge for him. He said the festivities got a little away from the schedule... he's just a loser. Before he came to New York, everyone just assumed he was like the bad-ass dude... then he comes to New York and he's just, he's like sweaty. And he can't answer questions correctly.

Tiger Woods is the only person who can pull off a mock turtleneck; anyone else would look like a tube of cookie dough

The mock turtleneck, short sleeve, tight shirt, people are going nuts over and you're going to see a lot of guys that try to pull off this look that Tiger's got right now. And it's only Tiger that can pull this off. If you or I showed up, it would look like we got a big tube of cookie dough that got left out in the sun for three days.

Dilaudid is the greatest thing I've ever experienced

Dilaudid... That is the greatest thing I've ever experienced. I mean, it was really... that shit is amazing. I mean, that's medical heroin and it makes you want to try heroin. It's so good.

Will Smith is actually at his most employable right after a public scandal

I feel like now would be the time to get Will Smith. Everyone's talking about him. It's like the safest time to fly as after a plane crash. And so like, if you want Will Smith to not slap somebody, now's the time that you bring Will Smith around.

Men avoid laughing at comedy because they don't want to surrender control of their consciousness

Tough guys never dance and tough guys often don't like laughing. They don't like comedy. If I'm doing comedy and there's someone in the front row with their arms crossed and they're daring me to invade them... it's because they don't want to give you control of their consciousness. Women tend to be more okay with giving you the control.

The awareness of death is what makes things like ice cream taste better

The fact that we're only here for a time imbues this moment with a richness that wouldn't be there if I lived forever. The stakes of death are what give life more value. And I would say make ice cream a little bit more delicious because it means more that you know it might be your last.

Bill Self has the second-best active coaching resume behind Rick Pitino

Does Bill Self now, out of all the active coaches, have the second-best resume only to Rick Pitino? This second one for Bill Self puts him in rarefied air and it cements everything that he's done at Kansas. He has more wins than Jay Wright. He has gone to the tournament 23 straight years, and 12 out of those 23 he's gotten to at least the Elite Eight.

Coach K's legacy is forever stained by losing his final home game and final tournament game to North Carolina

Coach K's legacy is also forever stained. If Bill Self lost two important games to end his season this year, we would put that as a big dock. He would not be in the Rick Pitino [tier]. Pitino remains unstained.

LeBron James' Lakers tenure has been a bust (excluding the Bubble title)

Would you say LeBron's time in LA has been a complete bust because we don't count the Mickey Mouse championship? And do you as a Lakers fan feel disgraced because you basically threw Kobe aside and started loving LeBron? They are right now out of the playoffs... it's been hard defending it.

My hatred for Aaron Rodgers is far greater than my hatred for Coach K

My hatred for Coach K is a five alarm fire. My hatred for Aaron Rodgers is literally the sun, the surface of the sun. So it's not even close, like not even close. This has been miserable for me.

You cannot pair a stone-cold sober person with a heavy stoner in a relationship

You can't have somebody that's stone cold sober and somebody that's like high. Ben Buddha Ben needs... he needs a Buddha babe that understands him and gets him. But you can't pair up like a stone-cold sober person with that because the personalities just don't align.

Coach K's legacy is completely tarnished because he lost his final game to UNC

Coach K is dead... He died as he lived, a loser. Calling Coach K a loser legacy, he's completely tarnished... He is deceased. His legacy is tarnished forever. It can't get worse than what happened.

The Masters at Augusta National is tarnished by letting Dude Perfect and Bryson DeChambeau film content there

The course at Augusta National Georgia... tough look over the weekend. Bryson DeChambeau and Dude Perfect got together... and they went to Augusta's Amen Corner... I actually am on the side of golf hardos that like, if you say that exclusivity is your thing and it's sacred, you can't have this.

Duke might not be a 'Blue Blood' program without Coach K

Is Duke a blue blood? Are they a program that had one good coach? I'm talking about Vic Bubas who... went to the Final Four. Take away the Coach K era, what has Duke done?

Coach K's career would be a disappointment if it ends with a loss to UNC

The perfect ending would be if [Coach K] were to lose against his arch rival, UNC. You'd have to say his career would be a disappointment if it ended—legacy tarnished.

Soccer is a joke because games are decided by penalty kicks with lasers in players' faces

I said that soccer is a joke. Like the fact that your spot at the World Cup is determined by a fucking penalty kick with laser beams getting shot in your face is a joke.