Takes

Coaches need to stop calling isolation plays and start calling real sets at the ends of games

I'm just stating facts in the interest of fairness, Big Cat. Coaches need to call actual plays at the ends of games. They need to stop with the ISO, and then the guy has the ball, dribbles it three times between his legs, and then shoots from 25 feet because Steph Curry ruined basketball.

Pie is better than cake

One of my hottest takes, well, just facts in the interest of fairness, Pi is better than cake... Apple pie, blueberry pie, peach pie. Those are all better. Cheesecake is even a pie... if you take out ice cream cake, I think that that's easily, that's almost a blowout.

The connection between Drew Brees and New Orleans is a unique player-city relationship that will never be replicated

I don't think we will ever see a player have a relationship with a city as unique and as deep as Drew Brees has with New Orleans. It's very rare for there to be that perfect set of events... what he did for that city and the pride that I think that city takes in Drew Brees... it goes beyond sports.

Coach K is the Frank Underwood of college basketball

Coach K, he'll do anything. He's Frank Underwood of the college basketball world. He will do anything to make sure that the message is not, 'Hey, Duke wasn't going to make the tournament.' Let's all forget that they weren't going to make the tournament.

Uniform colors and alternate jerseys significantly impact game outcomes and betting

I need there to be an account that basically says, 'Here's what everyone's wearing today. Make your bets accordingly.' And I know that sounds stupid, but my retort would be, 'No, you're stupid if you think that uniform colors don't matter.'

College basketball teams should be forced to wear practice pennies or go 'skins' if they have a bad record

I think teams should start wearing uniforms based on their records. So if you're a really, really bad team, you should actually be wearing your practice pennies. You shouldn't even get to wear real uniforms... Northwestern should just wear — they should have to be in skins against Minnesota last night.

The disc golf ranking system should be abolished because it is too subjective

I would say the easiest answer is to get rid of ratings... in disc golf, everyone has a handicap, essentially. And that handicap is highly the most important thing... and it's also very subjective how you get your handicap... There needs to be an actual ranking system based off of how you finish in a tournament versus what your score was.

Every major corporation needs a consultant specifically to identify if an idea will be mocked by the internet

It made me realize that I have job security no matter what in life in that every team and corporation should have on staff a person who essentially is just there to say, 'Hey, will we get made fun of for this?'... our, 'Will the internet make fun of you for this?' is absolutely a job we could do.

The defensive shift has ruined baseball

I'll do it. I'll say it. The shift has ruined baseball. Let's be fucking Peter Gammons on it for a second... The shift has ruined baseball.

Dak Prescott is an MVP-caliber player because the Cowboys stunk without him

You could make the argument that Dak is an MVP guy because you saw what happened when he went out last year. And the team just stunk. Andy Dalton is probably an average backup. So Dak goes out, Andy comes in, the team just goes to absolute shit.

I would rather have Dak Prescott's 4-year deal than Patrick Mahomes' 10-year deal

I'd rather have Dak Prescott's deal than Patrick Mahomes... [Dak] if he's good for these next four years, can get paid a ton of money again when the salary cap goes back up... He basically is giving himself another shot at it.

Conference Championship Week is often better than the actual NCAA Tournament

I think Conference Championship Week oftentimes is better than the actual tournament. I like the tournament more because it's just everything about it, but there are more games on Thursday and Friday at Conference Tournament Week than there are in the tournament.

Replay review has ruined the watchability of basketball

Review in NBA and college basketball has ruined the watchability of basketball games because it just the last five minutes take forever. And they look at every little piece of the game and did it go off this guy? It was unwatchable. They need to dial it back.

Baseball is the only All-Star game that actually works

I really don't understand like the all star games. They just don't. Baseball is really the only all star game that really actually works because you can't not throw hard. It's one on one. It's just like no one's even playing.

Joe Lunardi is secretly miserable because other people are catching up to his bracketology

I think Joe Lunardi is secretly miserable. Because in 2021, it's the Mel Kiper theory, right? ... Now there's a shitload of people who do draft stuff. I think Joe Lunardi is just constantly looking over his shoulder. Like, there's going to be a kid someday that comes and just nails it every single year. And if I slip up, if I put BYU on the 9 seed and they end up being a 10, it's curtains for me.

Throwing a no-hitter on LSD is the most impressive athletic feat of all time

He should try doing it on LSD like Doc Ellis did. If you want to talk about the most impressive athletic feats of all time, I'd say throwing a no-hitter on LSD is probably number one and number two.

Big Ben Roethlisberger taking a pay cut is the ultimate 'hero ball' move.

This might be my favorite Big Ben move ever because he took a pay cut... But he signed a big money contract knowing he was going to get paid like $40 million when he was very old and at the end of his career. And now he's hero ball, going to take a pay cut on the contract that he signed to get paid a ton of money when he was really old. This is the greatest thing that Big Ben has ever done.

People who don't believe in aliens are losers.

People who don't believe in aliens are losers. Straight up. Why would you willingly convince yourself that aliens don't exist? It's like betting the under.

Jim Boeheim was wrong to attack reporter Matthew Gutierrez during his press conference.

Boeheim should not have gone after him... He was being a pro and being a good journalist. He probably was looking like a twerp, and Boeheim was just like, 'fuck you.'

The new Space Jam movie isn't worth seeing because Lola Bunny is no longer 'thick.'

Lola Bunny is no longer thick. It sucks... I don't think I'm going to go see the new Space Jam. If I can't get aroused to a cartoon character in a movie about basketball, then I don't think it's worth my money buying a ticket.

Unpaid internships shouldn't be abolished because there are government grants available for them.

What I was trying to say is that there's you can't get we can't get rid of unpaid internships... There's plenty of search engines to find funding and scholarships for unpaid internships that you can qualify for, especially underrepresented... You don't get paid from the employer, but you can get grants so you can take those.

Illinois is the number one team in college basketball

Illinois is officially the number one team in the country according to my power rankings. What a night in college basketball. They absolutely kicked the shit out of Michigan... I want everyone to understand that the rankings are not predictive. They're reactive. So I reacted to the last week.

Teams should drop in the rankings if they go to overtime

The Baylor game, we can get to that in a little bit. But if you go to overtime, I feel like you should drop in the rankings. That should be reflected on the back end.

I can still throw the ball 40 yards but would regret being hit

In a real life football game, you don't throw it 80 yards. You throw it, you know, two, three yards, five, 10, 15, maybe an occasional 40. But I can do that. I just – they can't promise me they're not going to hit me... I'm 51 years old... so going back to play, I could do it. But I think the repercussions would be – I would regret it certainly.

NFL players shouldn't be able to demand trades over personnel decisions

But I don't think a player should be able to demand who they want interviewed or what players they want to pick up or let go. I mean, that crosses the line... I just don't think that it's right for a player to be upset and demand a trade because they didn't interview someone he wanted to interview.

The US soccer team needs European coaches to reach the next level

I think you need better coaching. So European coaches coming over here will help you... You have to spend money on grassroots... Because, like it or not, we're the ones that understand the best football. We've got the philosophies.

LeBron James can never match Michael Jordan's level of legendary asshole-ness

LeBron could never. Never, ever. ... MJ talks such great shit... [He] has a full staff walking around with highlights ready to go, depending on which NBA players he runs into. ... LeBron could never.

Russell Wilson included the Bears on his trade list just to drive up his trade value for other teams

I think that he threw the Bears in there as kind of throwing a bone for the Seahawks because he knows that if the Bears are in the discussion, his trade value goes up. And so that means that other teams would be able to give a little bit more money.

Roy Williams is a better coach than Coach K

And all you haters out there that told me I was an idiot when I said Roy Williams is a better coach than Coach K, he doesn't get the shine, this is just another market in my favor on this.

Chapstick is one of the biggest scams in America

I present to you one of the biggest scams in America. Chapstick. I keep losing mine. It is impossible to finish a stick. You have to buy a new one every week. Do you know anyone who's ever finished a chapstick?

I can beat up any 10-year-old in the entire world

I think that I could beat up any 10-year-old in the country. Probably the world. I don't think that there's a 10-year-old in the world whose ass I couldn't kill... Pre-puberty, I could defeat any 10-year-old in the world.

Michael Jordan was suspended for gambling in 1993 and the league kept it under wraps

The reason why he retired originally in 93 was because he got suspended for gambling... I heard how this conspiracy goes is that they actually suspended him, but they just kept it under wraps because it would have been bad for the league.

A man who works out twice a day and can only bench 185 is definitely cheating on his girlfriend

185, there's really no other explanation. You're either dating the biggest soy boy beta bitch or he's cheating on you... Most gyms will actually revoke your membership if you go there every day because you're obviously, you're not getting out of this what you're putting into it.

Arizona is a college basketball blue blood

Arizona could be a blue blood. I think Arizona is a blue blood. I mean, they won a national championship in the early 2000s... Legendary coach [Lute Olson]?

An NFL quarterback should always be a team captain

I'd prefer you to be a captain. It's so hard to be a quarterback and not be a captain. Yes, yes. There's something. The Bo Callahan joke and Draft Day joke actually becomes real when you have a college quarterback who's a first-round talent and not a captain.

Fear of missing out (FOMO) is the correct reason to get into Bitcoin or Top Shot

If the only reason you're getting into it is a fear of missing out, that's the wrong reason? No, no, no, no. That's exactly the only reason to get in. The only reason to get into all of these things is that you don't want to someday be pumping the gas for a fucking Bitcoin billionaire's boat.

The viral video of Cam Newton getting heckled was a PR setup

I'm woke on this Cam Newton clip... It almost feels like that was kind of set up to remind everyone how awesome Cam Newton was. We'll put out a video of Cam getting disrespected so that people are forced to recall how great he is at football. Because you're right. This is the most sympathetic press Cam Newton's got in the last year.

Society is trending into the toilet

What we're saying is our society is heading to the toilet. So in 12 years when my son has to go through middle school and high school, it is going to be a landmine. You think we're trending up? Uh-uh... We're trending down.

Sidney Crosby is a top-five hockey player of all time

Crosby's in my top five players of all time. I actually think it's in no particular order... it's Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Sidney Crosby, Bobby Orr, Gordie Howe.

Alex Ovechkin is the best goal scorer in the history of hockey

Ovechkin is, I think, the best goal scorer of all time. I know he doesn't have the most goals, which he actually somehow might break... But Ovechkin is right there with Gretzky and Hall, top goal scorers of all time.

PGA Tour golfers are higher-level athletes relative to their sport than any other professional athletes

I actually say a lot that I think that PGA Tour golfers are better at their sport than any other professional athlete is at their sport, if that makes any sense. If you threw me in an NBA game, I'll look like Sean Bradley. Throw me on the tour, I'll shoot 100 and quit.

Novak Djokovic is the tennis GOAT

Novak Djokovic... He's the fucking goat. Suck on this dick, Jake. I am the number one Novak Djokovic fan out there. He wins his 18th title. 18th major... He's the fucking goat.

The Raiders are the biggest losers of the Wentz trade because they wouldn't part with Derek Carr

I'd say that the losers of this trade would be the Raiders. The Raiders lost this trade because the Colts tried to get Derek Carr first, and the Raiders were like, no, we're not going to part with Derek Carr. That's a loss for the Raiders right there.

The Mets should have brought up Tim Tebow just to sell tickets

My prediction was that the Mets should bring him up because they weren't selling any tickets, and they should have brought him up several times to the big leagues because Tim Tebow puts asses in seats. That's just a fact. People would go out and watch Tim Tebow strike out three times before they would go out and watch the Mets win 30% of their games at home.

Tim Tebow is a top 3 college football player ever

I would say [Tebow]'s underrated in football because we all clown on him and, you know, he wasn't great in the pros. But in terms of, I mean, he's one of the best college football players ever, I think. I'd say, like, top three college football player.

Gronk would be an elite lacrosse player without needing stick skills

Gronk wouldn't even have to worry about stick skills. I mean, the stick would be invisible. You'd stick him on attack, and he'd be able to run through everybody.

Vacation shaming is always wrong

Vacation shaming in all forms is wrong. That's my stance. I just, you know, I'm on the front lines of vacations everywhere.

Politicians should not be allowed on Twitter at all

I do think that politicians just should not be on Twitter at all. I've seen way too much of politicians dunking on other politicians. People that are in the Senate and House of Representatives spend like 90% of their time thinking about how they can get retweets.

LeBron James could absolutely make an NFL roster

LeBron because he would have been the best two-sport athlete of all time making a NFL roster. I actually believe him. I don't know why anyone would say, oh, LeBron couldn't make an NFL team. No, he absolutely could. Without a doubt.

Players-only meetings are for losers

In my mind, team meetings are for losers because right now you're floundering in the wind, you're getting ready to point some fingers, and people's feelings get hurt in team meetings. If you just talk about it on a constant basis, you get used to it.