Takes

Dude Perfect is college life if you never drank or talked to girls

If you ever think like, what would it have been like if we didn't drink? Just watch this Dude Perfect. Like if we just never had a sip of alcohol and didn't talk to girls, what would my college life have been like? Dude Perfect documentary.

Texas A&M's biggest rival is fun

I've always said Texas A&M's biggest rival is against fun. So it makes sense. Like, you know, you go to Texas A&M and you wear your class ring and you do trick shots.

Dak Prescott is a 'cool hat guy' who can pull off a cowboy hat

I actually think Dak Prescott is cool hat guy. I think he could run like even a cowboy hat like he something that's not a normal hat. I think you look good.

The LeBron vs. MJ debate has evolved into whether LeBron would be a better #2 than Scottie Pippen

LeBron James has been Quoted as saying that he would like to have played with MJ not against them... now the debate has shifted to would LeBron James be a better number two than Scottie Pippen is. So now we're comparing that now we're saying would LeBron be a better number two than Scotty was to Jordan.

The Undertaker vs. Mankind 'Hell in a Cell' included an outer-body experience

I kind of had like an outer-body experience when I threw [Mick Foley] off onto the table is like I could see myself standing up there and I could see Mick Falling and it seemed like it took an eternity for him to hit that table.

Mick Foley is one of the five toughest people in WWE history

[Mick Foley] is definitely top five. That's for sure. Some of the bumps he's taken is this like proof they're off the chart.

The Undertaker and Kane storyline is the greatest in WWE history

I think the the storyline of you and Kane and Paul Bearer is the greatest story line that that has ever been written in the WWE... [Taker responds] it just it just grew and grew... it was so many layers to it.

Vince Carter's dunk over Frederic Weis is the most vicious in basketball history

Fredrik Weiss not getting out of the way of Vince Carter worst business is very is he's ever made? Yep. Yep. It was vicious nut dragging dunk in history of basketball.

The Chicago Bulls organization is on Michael Jordan's shit list, and that's why they've been doomed ever since

I think the reason why the Bulls have been doomed ever since is because the Bulls are actually on Michael Jordan's list now, too. If you watch that last moment when he has the iPad available, like finding out why Reinsdorf said they should break up the team. I think he is now, I think the Bulls are the top. It goes Bulls and then Isaiah Thomas on MJ's shit list. And anyone who ends up on MJ's shit list, as we learned through this 10-part documentary, is screwed forever.

Reggie Miller's 'throw away the game plan' quote is what losers say in Game 7s

I knew that there was a difference between Reggie Miller and Michael Jordan was in this documentary when Reggie Miller said, when you get to Game 7, you just throw away your game plan entirely because it's all about who wants it more in a Game 7. It's like that's exactly what somebody who loses a Game 7 says. Like, yeah, the whole like they wanted it more and you don't have a game plan. Michael Jordan wanted you to think that they didn't have a game plan. Michael Jordan absolutely had a game plan in that Game 7.

The 1998 Bulls definitely would have won a 7th championship if they had stayed together

the ending obviously broke my heart because it's like they definitely would have won a seventh in my mind. That was the lockout year, so they would have had a lot of – they would have had a lot of rest. They wouldn't have had to start for a long time... If they had brought it back for another year, it would be tough to think that anyone would have beaten them.

Complaining is the most authentic part of sports fandom, and appreciation is for when they're gone

When sports come back. I'm going to revert right back to my sports fandom instantly. I will complain about everything instantly. That's what sports fans do. That's when you know it's back, when we can complain. So don't give me this like, hey, man, just appreciate that it's back. No, no, no, no. I'm going to complain. That's what sports fans do.

You cannot eat soup while wearing shorts; it's a fundamental rule

It's either short season or it's soup season. I thought about ordering soup yesterday, and I was like, it's a little too hot out. I'm wearing shorts. There's no overlap there. You can't eat soup while wearing shorts. You just can't. It doesn't go together. You can eat a popsicle.

The US Postal Service should not deliver mail on Sundays; let the workers be with their families

why in the hell do the U.S. Postal Service deliver on Sunday anyway. Last time I checked, they broke as hell. So if anybody out there wants to know, I'm sending this to the U.S. Post Service. Please, our dear government, let the workers spend time with their family on Sunday... The U.S. Postal Service should not be delivered on Sunday anyway.

The NBA would have been forced to change the rules if Shaq or Charles Barkley had taken weight lifting seriously

Can you imagine if Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal would have took weight training serious? With Shaquille, they would have changed the rules. He was already – you know, you're talking about country strong? Him. But Charles Barkley, for what he could do, can you imagine if he would have took weight training serious? I don't ever – I could be wrong. I don't think Charles left a weight in his life.

Comparing the physicality of the modern NBA to the 90s is absolute nonsense

Stop the nonsense. Don't compare what's happening now to back then. What are you talking about? ... analytics right now. That's all they talk about. Analytics. Sprinkle some analytics in there. But all this, hold on. You know, my hat not getting hot. I'm just I almost got a migraine just then thinking about players resting.

If an NBA player needs to rest for 'load management', they should do it at home, not on the road

let's make a rule right now... if you're going to rest, rest at home in front of your season ticket holder... The emphasis have to be or should be back on the fans and less of the athlete because we're going to do what we do.

Chris Webber, Derek Coleman, and Charles Barkley were all more talented than me, but I outworked them

I'm going to tell you three guys that have more talent than Karl Malone. Chris Webber, Derek Coleman, Charles Barkley. More talent. More talent. But they did not outwork me. I will never use the word he was better than me. More talented is different, right? I look and say, I can't do his position and he can't do mine... More talent? Yes. Worked harder? No.

Swag Kelly would have three Super Bowls by now if he had a coach talking in his headset 24/7

Swag Kelly, essentially. Like, if you put Peyton Manning's brain into Swag Kelly's body. I mean, we should have Swag Kelly to have someone talking in his brain 24-7 because he would probably have three Super Bowls right now. Just be like... Don't go into the house, Swag Kelly. Don't go into the house. Don't go back to the bar with an AK-47. Just don't.

My ping pong victory over PFT Commenter is like the Bulls finally beating the Pistons

It's like MJ [Michael Jordan] versus the Pistons, except in this situation, no one got to saw the Pistons beat the Bulls.

Porn sites are pushing specific genres to collect blackmail dirt on the entire country

I think that the porn sites have been complicit recently... on most major porn sites, they feature heavily the whole stepson-stepdaughter dynamic even if you never click on those videos and watch them, they're pushing those on you. I think that they've been doing that so that now they know that anyone that's been to one of these websites has either accidentally or on purpose clicked on one of those, so they have dirt on everybody in America almost.

Business is the ultimate competition and much harder than professional sports

In basketball, you compete for 48 minutes. You practice a couple hours. You guys know in business, it's 24 by 7 by 365, and everybody's trying to kick your ass. Everybody's trying to come after you, and you got to battle all the time. Sports are easy, easy. Business is the ultimate competition.

Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions

Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions. ... If you're a millionaire, you should still be going to Waffle House on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast food.

It is healthy for men to have rivals or grudges to drive them every day

I honestly don't – I think this guy is actually the most well-adjusted adult I've ever heard. ... But having a grudge and having a foe that you wake up in the morning, you're like, Fuck that guy. It's healthy. ... Having something to drive you every single day is healthy.

Clever comedians will always find a way to thrive despite PC or 'woke' culture

Whenever a new stricture comes along, there's always someone that can then come along and find a cool way around it that actually advances things. ... Now it's the PC woke people trying to tamper everything down. People find clever ways around it. There's always the push and then the push through. ... Our job is to find the clever way around it. The clever way around it is to not throw a temper tantrum.

The Star Wars and Simpsons fanbases are the hardest to please

Is the Star Wars fan base the hardest fan base to please? [Big Cat]. It's up there. I think it's up there with the Simpsons fan base. ... I think the corporate culture of some of these other fandoms is, I am owed everything. ... It's the worst episode ever, and I feel like they owe me an apology.

Episode 7 of The Last Dance was the strongest episode of the entire documentary

I thought Episode 7 was the strongest episode of the entire documentary. It was so, so well done.

Established media columnists in the 90s were no better than modern-day Twitter eggs

It's wild to think that in the mid nineties media, all these people who were given columns were no better than just like some Twitter egg that wanted to like put this shit out there and they got away with it and they still have jobs to this day.

Michael Jordan's personality is the only thing that allowed him to be exceptionally great

You don't say that him being a jerk made him great, but you're saying that his greatness, like, yeah, he probably would not have been looked at in the way that we look at him right now if he didn't have that personality.

The lawsuit against Zion Williamson for allegedly receiving money to attend Duke is cloud chasing

Zion Williamson's former marketing agent has served request for admission in their lawsuit, asking him to admit that he received money... She's cloud chasing, yeah.

Michael Jordan was only 70-75% of his peak self during the 1995 NBA return

When he came back for that shortened season, 70%, 75% best. And it was a crazy thing. Even at 70%, 75%, he's probably better than 90% of the players, but he wasn't Michael Jordan.

LeBron James is one of the worst teammates of all time because he takes all the credit and trades everyone else

LeBron James. Can't be fun to be his teammate. You're always, always in fear that he's like, if you do well, he's going to take all the credit. If you do bad, he's probably going to trade you off the team.

The Rams new logo is even worse than when it was first revealed

The Rams logo sucks even worse than I – like, they did the logo reveal a month ago. We all roasted it. I forgot about it... But, man, does that logo suck.

Kristin Cavallari is leaking stories to the press to make Jay Cutler look bad

Kristen Cavallari has now had like seven stories in the last week that she's leaked to the press. My quarterback has not said a word... she is going to have a reality show being like living through a divorce or some bullshit.

Anytime a team loses to Georgia Tech, it's a trap game because of the triple option

I'm of the mindset that anytime a team loses to Georgia Tech, it's a trap game because you don't see the triple option coming.

Kirk Cousins is a good quarterback but he turtles under pressure

I like Kirk. He's a good quarterback... the thing about him is just, he's not mobile. It's almost comical when shit hits a fan where he's just like, okay, bye. [He turtles].

Tailgating is better than actually going to the game

I actually think the tailgate is better than going to the game. If a perfect Sunday would be to tailgate then go watch all the games, because there's something about a tailgate when you have that vibe where everyone's excited for what could possibly happen and everyone's in a great mood.

Mountain Dew prevented me from getting cramps during NBA games

I was a full-blown addict, man, with the Mountain Dews... I used to have a liter, like, just in my locker... third quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, no cramps. Then fourth quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, get buckets. I hit game winners because of that shit.

McDonald's has the champagne of straws

The McDonald's straws was different. I felt like the 7-Elevens or the Big Gulps... the texture was different. McDonald's straws just look cool. They look swaggy... yeah, that's a champagne of straws.

March Madness makes you want to play basketball more than any other event

I would say my number one would be March Madness always makes me want to go play hoops. Something about March Madness makes basketball more romantic, so you just want to go play it and relive Valpo and all this shit.

The PT Cruiser is an objectively terrible car

Right off the bat, PT Cruiser. Easy. Bad car.

You shouldn't own a Jeep Wrangler unless you actually go off-roading

Unless you live on the beach and are doing off-roading on a fairly average basis, you shouldn't have a Jeep Wrangler. If you have a Jeep Wrangler in Massachusetts... you're not getting the use out of it that you need to. You're just doing it for a status symbol.

Driving a Ford Ranger means you have no friends

The Ranger is good for nothing except helping your friends move. That's it. If you drive a Ranger, you're telling me, I don't have friends. I'm looking for play dates so badly that I will do your chores for you.

White Volkswagen Jettas are strictly for drug dealers and girlfriends

White Jetta is just your girlfriend's car. Or a high school drug dealer. Like, hey, this isn't expensive but it's kind of nice... I would actually say that probably 33% of Pardon My Take listeners have either dated a girl that drives a Jetta or bought marijuana from somebody that drives a Jetta.

Michael Jordan's claim that I was the source for 'The Jordan Rules' is a lie

For MJ to say I wasn't the source of this book, that's a lie. That's a downright lie and he knows that... Sam Smith spent more time with Bill Cartwright, BJ Armstrong, Paxson, Tex Winter, Johnny Bach... I don't know where that comes that I was the source behind the book. It's a straight-up lie.

Shaquille O'Neal and Penny Hardaway would have won at least two or three championships if they stayed together in Orlando

I would say at least two or three championships. People have forgotten about Penny Hardaway—6'7, 6'8 like a Magic Johnson who can shoot the ball, very athletic. His IQ was off the chart when it came to basketball.

The 1990s Bulls would have beaten the KD-era Warriors in six games

I would say the Bulls in six. Being with the Bulls, we don't believe in seven games in the finals... when you got a Michael Jordan and a Scottie Pippen in their prime and Horace Grant here, I mean, victory.

Soccer is boring because you cannot use your hands

Soccer... simple, just because any sport that you can't use your hands, that's like 50% of your body and the stuff that are much more important and you can't even use it. You're just running around, at most you're scoring one goal. It's boring as fuck.

Video games should only be played with a controller, regardless of PC or Console

I play video games with a controller. Like I'll never play video games... [without a controller]. Video games we play with a controller. Yes. I don't want to hear anything different.

Darren Rovell's Kate Upton story is actually a flex on his 'talent scouting' ability

Darren Ravel posting this literally has nothing to do with him wanting to have sex with Kate Upton. It's just him trying to flex on everybody and being like I I recognize that this woman was going to be very attractive... I have a great eye for talent.